Sanga Kumagarra, he's DLF-ed it!

Yes, yes indeed he has, Danny Morrison.

This IPL, it's a fascinating thing. Even miles from the nearest TV (a sad, sad fact that I never have and never will stop harping about) this year's tournament has had me just as captivated, annoyed, tired and wishing greatly for a shiny scythe and magical teleportation abilities to South Africa (or maybe just a couple of free plane tickets. And NO WITNESSES.) The Internet is there, sure, there's the online commentary, there're the wonderful blogs to read, and even when that's not available, there's my mobile phone and the meagre updates that it can provide, like little crumbs I can pop into my mouth and savour. Somehow, following the IPL from a distance has made it even more enjoyable, where I'm not wearied by the cricket, by the hype, or by the incessant prattling of the billion news channels and the zillion match 'preview and analysis' shows. No greater joy than eagerly seeking out match news with like-minded friends in between classes, after finishing this test, while preparing for that exam.

And 'sides, it makes the actual few times that I get to see live cricket all that much sweeter.

I've seen/read/heard a lot of complaints, taunts and general bullshitting about the commentary, but honestly? I think I'm enjoying it. Seriously. Aside from the annoying sponsor-name-whoring, I don't think it's any different at all from what I usually hear. But then again, I've been brought up as cricket fan on a diet of supreme mediocrity from Neo Sports and related channels. I have never once been able to escape the horrors of Rameez Raja, Arun Lal, Ranjit Fernando, Laxman Sivaramakrishnan, Waqar Younis, Wasim Akram, Aamir Sohail et al.... so yeah. I'ma gonna take what I ca' get.

Like Danny Morrison. Lord, do I love his accent. Half the time I don't even listen to what he's saying. Even when he's horribly mauling Sri Lankan names. :-D

Anyhow, the IPL has finally finished with its league phase, and the semifinals are here.

Time for a brief set of reflections and recriminations.

First off, MUMBAI. Mumbai, Mumbai, Mumbai. HOW. How could you do this to me. Several times before and during the tournament I had pegged MI to be the champions this year because they just seemed so right to me on so many counts. In terms of team balance, in terms of form and performance, reserves and support staff, they looked - and still do - like a stable and strong squad, well and truly capable of taking the IPL by storm. The cool, well-planned and efficient way they defeated Chennai in the first match of the tournament only seemed to reaffirm that for me.

Then what did they do?

Why, they proceeded to choke, choke, choke, and then choke one more time, lose a series of matches they really ought not to have lost, and then ended up not qualifying for the semifinals, finishing only ahead of the pathetic Kolkata Knightriders.

So yeah, thanks for nothing, Sachin.

Secondly, I will never cease marvelling at Deccan's and Bangalore's amazing turnaround of fortunes this year. After ending up at the very bottom of last year's table, these two teams have ended up in this year's semifinal lineup, and it didn't take any radical changes to their team to do it this time, either. Deccan started off strongly before channelling their inner Chennai to waver a bit, lose and win an odd game here and there, and finally end up doing just enough to qualify for the semis.

As for Bangalore, Mr. Kumble, who are you and what have you done with the real Bangalore Royal Challengers, huh?

Thirdly, Delhi. 10 wins out of 14 matches, super-strong batting, a bowling attack so good they can afford to bench somebody like Glenn McGrath, razor-sharp fielding, and most importantly, that extra bit of luck, that innate champions' mojo that's seen them through most tight situations. Favourites for the trophy, right?

Maybe. I can't really bring myself to care. Maybe it's because I've been to Delhi once, and my memories of the city aren't great. Maybe it's my inherent dislike of AB deVilliers, Dinesh Kaarthick and Dirk Nannes (don't ask me why, I have no idea), I dunno.

But I am glad VirunGauti are back in action - at last. Bodes well for the national team in the upcoming World T20.

Fourthly, CHENNAI! Lord, for all that I love and support the Super Kings, they've managed to infuriate me like nothing else has for the last month. First off, the muddled thinking when it came to the bowling. The fact that Dhoni very conveniently managed to forget certain bowlers in his XI (hello, Shadab Jakati!), the fact that Gony was being almost mindlessly persisted with, the fact that Morkel seemed to wilt under pressure almost each and every time, the fact that Balaji's death bowling would come apart in the most inopportune moments, the fact that Muralitharan wasn't performing upto expectations nearly as much as one would want him to, considering he's the one quality international specialist bowler in the eleven... all that added up to the weakest bowling attack in the IPL.

A weak bowling attack that never ceased to slap you upside the head with its performance from match to match.

From bowling out Bangalore for 87 and keeping Punjab to just 92 for 8 in 20, to utterly failing to defend 188 runs against the most pathetic team in the tournament (that match had my blood pressure off the charts, it did) and nearly making a meal of defending 185 against Punjab before the Preternaturally Awesome Raina bailed us out... it was quite a ride. And this was without somebody like Makhaya Ntini getting a lookin.

That's not to mention the fielding, which, hello. Not. even. worth. talking. about. I'll say this though: after Bangalore's finished whupping our asses this Saturday, it'll be those dropped catches and stuttering ground fielding that'll come to haunt the Men in Startlingly Bright Yellow, and no amount of "it was pathetic" and "we're repeating our mistakes" from Dhoni will do anything to change the final results.

The batting's not too tough to figure out: it had Hayden as the centre of its little personal universe, with Raina being the other shining beacon. Dhoni took some time to kick off, but did hit form somewhere in the middle. However, even his most successful outings in the centre came in partnership with either Raina or Hayden, which meant that our famed lower middle order turned out to be a Big Flop, with neither Morkel or Oram living up to expectations. I had Albie pegged as Chennai's go-to man before the tournament - things have unfortunately panned out otherwise. Obviously I should cross out "oracle" and "bookie" from my list of future career options (what, you can totally become an oracle after completing your medical degree!)

Badri had his moments, and I am just so impressed with and excited for Suresh Raina. His consistency with the bat this tournament has been wonderful, and he totally should've become the first Indian centurion in the IPL if it had not been for that stupid scoreboard in Centurion (hello, irony!). And his bowling? Wow! The part-timers have been burning it up this tournament. I mean to say, hat-trick to Rohit Sharma? Two hat-tricks to Yuvraj Singh?? Unbelievable.

Despite all the things that nagged me about CSK, they did manage to qualify for the semis in second place. We always had somebody or the other stand up for the team - in ways big or small - when it really mattered, and once they get their selection matters sorted out in a clearer way (read: select Ravichandran Ashwin some more!) we might actually have a very realistic chance to turn the ass-whupping tables on Bangalore in the semifinal this Saturday.

Maybe.

But hey, Dhoni obviously hasn't lost his captaincy mojo, and in the end, that may be all that matters.

Oh, Rajasthan... how the mighty do fall! From last year's champions to not qualifying for the semis this time round... I always did know the entry of The Shetty was going to do no good. That said, however good a captain Warne is, there're some gaps that can't be filled, and Tanvir and Watson did leave some pretty large gaps in the Rajasthan scheme of things.

As for Kolkata Knightriders and Kings XI Punjab, I really couldn't give a damn about either
team. Except to say that I do like most of KKR's players, and therefore, strangely, took a great amount of pleasure in witnessing their self-destructive spiralling through the tournament, before staging a mini-renaissance toward the end that turned out to be too little, too late.

Fifthly, the under-19 players in the tournament. Hearing that Mangal, oops, sorry, Manish Pandey had hit the first Indian century of the IPL (who'd've thunk, huh?) made me rack my brains about where I had heard that name before, until it came to me: from the victorious Indian outfit that had won the Under-19 world cup last year! For all that I dislike the team, I gotta appreciate Bangalore's insistence on playing its younger dudes. Virat Kohli, Sreevats Goswami, Manish Pandey... and then there's people like Jaskaran Singh and Ravi Teja for Hyderabad, Ravindra Jadeja, Kamran Khan and others for Rajasthan, and Pradeep Sangwan for Delhi... these are the youngsters who've been backed by their respective teams and been performing more often than not. That's why it distresses me that Chennai don't follow a similar policy - leaving aside whether they can afford to or not - that they sent away their two U-19 players - Abhinav Mukund and Napoleon Einstein - before the tournament had even started. Which is why I'm desperate for the further inclusion of someone like Ashwin and/or Vijay. I'd like more Tamil Nadu players to cheer for, alright, Dhoni?

... Oookay. This ramble has gone on long enough. I'll be going home this weekend - just in time to catch the second semifinal and the final, ha ha - so I expect to be blogging a bit about those two games. Looking forward to an exciting end to a memorable tournament.

Head says Delhi, heart – as always – says Chennai. Lessee.

And somebody please shoot Mandira Bedi. With a tranquiliser gun at least, if not the real thing.

The stuff of nightmares

So there I was, soaking in a typical early morning, a cup of piping hot filter coffee in my hands, rifling through the trusted pages of The Hindu, running over in my mind the various causes of prostate cancer, occasionally pausing to either ponder upon the Meaning of Life, or giggle at a picture of Dhoni or a specially inviting mental image of Jared Padalecki.

It was then that I saw this picture:

At first I thought it was the picture of a grotesquely malformed infant with some serious hormone imbalance issues.

It was only a couple of seconds later that I realised it was Andrew Symonds sans dreadlocks.

I might be mentally scarred for life here, people.

Agonising just got a new name

Yep, it has.

It's called "being a CSK fan".

As I start this post, CSK are 179/9, 11 runs to get off the last 2 balls, tailenders getting themselves run-out all over the place to get Morkel on strike.

Likely we're about to lose by 10 runs or less. Figures that the only two close matches in this year's tournament so far involve CSK. I'd like to spin some spiel about how "CSK always go down fighting", but we all know that's not the truth.

Ah, look, there's the result: CSK lose by 9 runs. Great.

There seems to be a central theme to the team's performance over the two seasons of the IPL. One, everything we do at the death sucks. Our bowling, our batting, our fielding. Today we got the most awesome start to the chase we could dare to ask for, with Hayden going bonkers at the likes of Nannes, Salvi and Nehra. Parthiv was giving him fantastic support, and after him Raina got smoothly into his groove as well. 40-odd runs to get off the last 5 overs. Piece of cake.

We score barely 30-odd runs in the last 5, losing 6 wickets, after going at more than 10 in the first 15, losing 3.

It happened quite a bit in last years' edition, too (with a few notable exceptions). This time, too, that Flintoff over that conceded 22 runs. Morkel's series of gaffes (that extended to his batting, too, but I'll get to that later). Muralitharan proving to be expensive as well. Gony feeding Dilshan boundaries. Ha ha, IRONY that Balaji turned out to be our best bowler today.

Another was how we completely failed to latch onto the big moments. Yeah, you know the ones. The match-turning kind. Like Suresh Raina dropping Yusuf Pathan (who was then only in single-digit figures) in the final last year, Morkel dropping AB today, or Flintoff bowling that one rubbish over in the end that goes for way too many runs than it should. Hayden dropping Tendulkar. Gony being rubbish on the field.

It's okay if your team is trampled upon by the opposition, I can toss my head back and belly-laugh it out of my system. Like the time RR had Sohail Tanvir put us through the meat-shredder the first time CSK played them last year. I could only laugh and laugh and laugh and think "it sucks to be them right now, huh."

Except most times CSK lose like this and I'm left tearing my hair out.

AB deVilliers has won the man-of-the-match, I think.

No fair. The man-of-the-match award should go to Mr. Morkel. He was the one who won it for the Daredevils after all.

16.2
Salvi to Morkel, no run, short, sitting up for the pull, but Morkel mistimes, and plays it straight to midwicket. Dot Ball. That's big

16.3
Salvi to Morkel, 1 run, another short delivery, Morkel is a touch late into the pull, and only just manages to clear AB at midwicket

18.4
Vettori to Morkel, 1 leg bye, lovely bowling again, Morkel looks to make room, Vettori follows with an arm-ball, getting just a leg-bye
18.5
Vettori to Gony, SIX, and Gony turns it around, Vettori had bowled so far this game, with this flighted delivery is clubbed from down on a knee, this could well be eight over midwicket boundary

19.1
Nannes to Joginder Sharma, 2 runs, Joginder makes room, lofts it over extra cover, but they stroll only for two
19.2
Nannes to Joginder Sharma, 2 runs, just short of a length, Joginder slaps it to wide of long-on, and they take two again. Surprising? Wouldn't they want Morkel on strike?

No, Mr. Commentator, they wouldn't.

I'm sorry if I'm being unfair to Morkel - it's possible that he just had a really crappy day - but I'm deeply frustrated with the Men in Startlingly Bright Yellow right now. Chokers, that's what they are. First-rate Chokers.

Dhoni's saying that he hoped his bowlers were paying attention to the way Delhi bowled at the death. Yeah, Freddie, that one was especially for you. Considering you've been quite the Magnanimous One with your bowling at the death, in both the matches that we've lost so far.

Damn it all. Chennai's gonna end up choking its way to the bottom of the table. No use in claiming that we lose decently.

Then they can all come back to their chicken biryanis and thayirsaadams and Padmashrees and watch Mumbai play Delhi in the final on a big flatscreen TV.

It's all a conspiracy, yessir, it is

Chennai is playing Delhi in the IPL.

Forced to come home by illness, I'm sitting here watching Chennai shit all over their dreams of winning.

I'm watching AB deVilliers hit a CENTURY. I'm watching Flintoff getting carted around for 22 runs in the penultimate over. I'm watching Dhoni getting ready to silently combust.

More than anything, I'm sitting here watching Albie Morkel lose us the game.

Sample this:

15.2
Gony to de Villiers, 1 run, and AB enjoys the good luck for longer, lofted straight to Morkel at long-on boundary, and Morkel drops an absolute sitter

And then:

16.1
Morkel to de Villiers, FOUR, and Morkel is being tormented more by his compatriot. He bowls a fulltoss, and smacked over midwicket. AB is cashing in remorselessly
16.2
Morkel to de Villiers, SIX, He is a sucker for punishemnt, is Morkel, another fulltoss, AB goes midwicket again, but higher, and for a six. is he looking at 200?

What's going on?

And then earlier, Mr. Morkel was spouting this shit about how the players' respective boards had instructed them not to divulge too many secrets to their ipl teammates prior to the T20 WC.

Mr. Morkel, I usually think you are seventy five and a quarter different kinds of awesome, but if your only purpose today was to come and give your South African teammate some batting practice, you might as well have opted out of this gig.

Yeah, you SUCK, Mr. Morkel.

I'm just going to take my medicine and go to sleep and not watch Chennai lose.

Which they undoubtedly deserve to.

AB deVilliers. Seriously, guys? SERIOUSLY?

And because I couldn't resist

Yeah, I know I did the Almost-Drama-Queen with the "farewell"s in the previous post, but I couldn't resist slipping this in before taking the deadly plunge into my books:

Ha ha ha. I mean, ha ha ha. This pic made me blush pretty damn hard.

I'm still trying to recover from the vertigo.

Also also? Chennai Super Kings are SO gonna win this year. Because I couldn't resist a bit of last minute propaganda.

(just don't let Robin anywhere near MS)

(or, you know, DO) :D

Randomness and a brief farewell

So, okay, I'm (more than) a little late here, but a hearty congratulations to the Indian team for their series win in New Zealand. Seriously. Hearty. With claps on the back and all that shit because they? They proved me totally, utterly and completely wrong. So, okay, maybe I wasn't keeping track of NZ much to realise that they are the 8th ranked team in the world, with a batting order that's non-existent unless Ryder and Taylor are batting together, and the less said about their bowling the better, and that most tracks in NZ are good enough to take my first driving lesson on, but still - you know? First time in 40 years. That's gotta count for something, some champagne and a bit sprayed around.

This is going to be my last post in a while, as final exams are fast approaching and I most likely will not have much time for cricket, leave alone blogging - at least until some time late June. Which of course means I'll be missing the bulk of the IPL, as well as the Twenty20 World Cup (which, by the way, is spread over the exact two weeks as my final exams, screw you, Fate), but hey. ... Um.

Let's try that again.

- but hey. Er.

No good. Can't see the bright side to this.

OH CRUEL AND CAPRICIOUS FATE, I THINK I KIND OF HATE YOU.

... Yeah.

A few (really) random thoughts before I leave:

1. About the Infamous Declaration of Doom in the last Test against New Zealand. I remember being a little wary that last day, cautiously scrounging around the web for opinion, but criticism took a surprising amount of time to build up. Once it did start, though, everybody seemed to rush in to get their finger in the pie. It reminded me of typical classroom politics - furitive looks exchanged in a death silence as nobody is brave enough to voice an opinion everybody wants to, and when somebody does take the initiative, the roof is brought down by the chorus that follows. As for me, I honestly did not have any problem with the declaration, even bringing the weather in as a factor. It seemed to me like an ideal score to declare at - put the match well and comprehensively out of NZ's reach, make sure the series win is secure, then really go for it. I mean, even with the weather, India still got to bowl at NZ for a day and a bit, and if it were not for the horrendous catching, could've easily bowled them out, and the criticism would not have been even a quarter of what it is now. More than the timing of the declaration it was the attitude of the Indians that irritated me. That final session on the 4th day, where it seemed like they were just fooling around? I threw the remote at the TV and stomped away cursing this team to an eternity spent at No. 3. Because? With this kind of fielding and attitude, that's how far I see them going.

2. Australia lost the ODI series to SA, and while I'm happy about that - obviously - it totally ruined for me all the cool comments that could be made about this tour being a clean photographic negative of the Saffers' tour of Australia earlier this year. I was kinda liking the symmetry.

3. Callum Ferguson is cute.

4. Wayne Parnell. Out of all the people in the Under-19 WC last year, this dude impressed me the most, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he was winning matches for the national team as well.

5. SuperSport commentary kind of sucks.

6. SETMax sucks even more. Not really looking forward to the TV coverage of the IPL this year.

7. The Mumbai Indians are looking scary good for the IPL this year. My money's on them to win it this time 'round.

8. Also, this? Ha ha ha, good one. Overboard with the sarcasm, perhaps. Like, really overboard.

9. I was disappointed - and admittedly, still am - when the IPL was forced to South Africa, but at least now I have one reason to feel happy that the boys ain't playing here: the weather here, it be MURDEROUS. At least in Chennai, it is. Every freakin summer it gets worse. I can't imagine anybody willingly staying out there for more than an hour at a time even with all the Gatorade in the world. Unless, you know, they have air-conditioners built into their uniforms or some such shit. I remember my most abiding memory from the Afro-Asia Cup 2007 (aside from Dhoni's century of Awesome and his even awesomer 200+ partnership with Jayawardene in one of the games) where they played two consecutive ODIs in Chennai in frickin' June was an overwhelming sympathy for the players as I sweated it out watching them sweat in the MAC and much sweating was had by all. I love you, Chennai, I really do, but I really kind of hate the weather.

See you in a couple of months, then. Farewell!

Surely you lie!

Injured Dhoni unsure for third Test against New Zealand

Wellington (IANS): Uncertainty looms over injured India captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni's availability in the third and final cricket Test against New Zealand that begins at the Basin Reserve here on Friday.

Dhoni, who is having a sore back, skipped the second Test at Napier which ended in a draw. India lead the series 1-0, having won the first Test by 10 wickets.

The final decision on Dhoni will be taken before the start of the match.

"The back has improved. But I will have to see how I feel before the match," Dhoni said. "It is not like in One-dayers where one needs to keep the wickets for just 50 overs."

In case Dhoni fails to take the field, then vice-captain Virender Sehwag will once again don the captain's hat.

Dhoni said the team is capable of performing well in his absence.

"The team does not rely on me. Whether I play or not, it will not have much impact on the team," Dhoni said.

Ha ha, you see, MS, I know you're probably a bit confused about time zones right now, but April 1st was almost two days ago. So, yeah. Stop pulling at our legs, a'right?

All. Right?

I'd better see Dhoni sauntering out for the toss tomorrow. End of story.