In the mental crawlspaces of the rich

I watch the IPL. Hell, I enjoy watching the IPL. 'Tis probably a testament to how much time I've spent trawling through the muck that poses as the Internet over the past two years that I actually feel guilty saying that. The IPL is the Root of All Evil, right? Right, sure. I'm not arguing against that, honest. But it's fun, and it gives me something to look forward to every evening for two months of a year. Like the only reality TV show that's worth watching. Plus, it has a team that represents Chennai and a whole host of players I adore and admire, and given how much of my investment in this sport is purely emotional, I find a lot to get behind.

So this time when I heard they were televising the player auction for 2011 (did they do that the first time? I don't remember), I watched it with much anticipation.

Aaand, uh. Okay. I spent most of the first hour with my mandible stuck firmly to the ground. Because, holy shit, it was mindblowing, in the most perverse way possible. After a while, I got into the rhythm of the whole thing. It was easy to forget, after some time, that they were dealing with actual players; it was like watching a gigantic Fantasy-Team game - can you fit in your dream team within your budget before your opponents do? Play and find out! - and I was getting behind the CSK contingent, praying that we managed to buy back the likes of Ashwin, Murali, Dougie and the rest. It may have gotten a little out of hand (my mother informs me I was raving put that paddle down, crazy Kochi lady! at the TV while the bidding war for Muralitharan was going on between CSK and Kochi, but hey) but it was fun, you know? It was only when the second day came about, and even the team owners looked like they were fooling around and treating the whole thing as a game, that I began to feel queasy. To their credit, though, I thought the CSK contingent remained serious throughout, hardly cracked a smile, and mostly left during the so-called "reauction" at the very end, when they were pretty sure that they'd finished what they'd started out to do. (but then again, the owners barely grinned even when we won the trophy last year, so maybe they're just naturally sourpusses).

People think that this is shocking and demeaning to cricket. I mean, sure, okay. I've always thought that the IPL is just more of a flamboyant circus that doesn't hesitate to show its garishly-painted butt while the rest of cricket is a circus that pretends it's not and covers itself in mouldy trappings in the name of heritage.

I was wondering just how surreal it must've been to sit in that auction room, as part of one of the contingents. Or maybe that's just me, and the owners were perfectly grounded even as astronomical sums of money were splashed about on people they couldn't tell from Adam (give me one person from the team that bought him who can even pronounce "Francois du Plessis"). I don't know. My belief is that everybody who signed up for this circus - franchise owners and players both - knew what they were getting into. They knew what lay ahead, what was likely to happen. And apparently, 353 of them were perfectly fine with it.

Is there a sense of wrongness to all of this, especially given the corruption that's rampant in the IPL's short history, and all the malingering and power-plays in the administration? That the IPL as an incentive is skewing the priorities of whole generations of young cricketers? Certainly.

Can I bring myself to care? Not really. My one explanation would be that cricket seems to be perennially caught in crisis; so much so that I think it's the only way the sport survives. Australian cricket is in crisis after being walloped by the English; Mumbai cricket is in crisis after failing to reach the Ranji semis for the first time in a billion years; cricketing administration is in crisis because Australia and England aren't calling the shots anymore the BCCI is throwing its money-bloated, corrupt stinking weight around; the inundation of Twenty20 is bringing out the basest instincts out of a generation of cricketing innocents, and will nobody think of the children?! But to be completely honest, I don't care about this the same way a lot of don't really care about the stuff that's happening in the rest of the world. If we were to judge ourselves hypocrites by watching the IPL, then there is not one person in the whole world who is not a hypocrite, in some walk of life or the other. Mind you, this is not an attempt at justification. I'm just calling it as I see it. A spade a spade - and maybe occasionally, a shovel.

Every generation has its own demons to grapple; the greatest enemy of our generation is our apathy.

Of cows, stocks and other such delightful things

Another year. Another February. Another day where cricketers sold like stocks. Or "cows". (Don't worry, Gilly, keep at it and one of those fanatic pro-Hindutva groups will come and save you from the eeevil IPL.)

The amounts of money being tossed around this time - defying global concerns over the Economic Recession - didn't startle me as much as it did last time 'round. I'm rather looking forward to this year's edition of the IPL. I had my fill of some spectacular Test cricket late last year, some good ODI cricket now, and I can't wait for the Twenty20 season to come. I generally don't get why some people can be so anti-Twenty20, pro-this, anti-that. I'm probably going to sound naive, but it's all cricket, each format requiring an unique set of skills. And as far as I know, the glamour never hurt anybody, least of all the cricketers themselves. Plus, it's a great way to attract new fans to the game. I know a lot of people who started watching not just T20, but also Tests and ODIs after the IPL last year.

... But that's an argument for another time.

So. Let's have a look at the teams post-auction.

Bangalore Royal Challengers

Kevin Pietersen - 1.55 million
Jesse Ryder - 160,000

Well, obviously. The 'Test team' of the IPL was going to need a whole lot of big hitters - especially now with Misbah's contract terminated - and Vijay Mallya must've made a steady beeline for KP. I have my doubts about whether he's worth that much, though. I mean, yeah, he's flamboyant, in-form, destructive hitter and everything, but seems too much money for a batsman who can't add any other attributes to his kitty.

Veritable bargain as far as Ryder is concerned.

Chennai Super Kings

Andrew Flintoff - 1.55 million
Thilan Thushara - 140,000
George Bailey - 50,000

\o/ - was my immediate reaction when I heard that Chennai had bagged Flintoff. We were in desperate need of an incisive pacer - with the added bonus of being an all-rounder - and he fits the bill perfectly. I believe he's worth every paise of his price - provided he doesn't get injured along the way. I remember Thushara as a good bowler with a penchant for big hits down the order - very nearly won the man of the series award in the ODI series against India last year - but I would've preferred Kulasekara ahead of him. The George Bailey fellow I've never heard of, but I took a look at his profile - Tasmania vice-captain, T20 strikerate of over 150 - fine by me.

Deccan Chargers

Fidel Edwards - 150,000
Dwayne Smith - 100,000

Ah, DC, DC, DC. Fidel Edwards is a good up-and-coming pacer - could be the surprise package of the IPL. Dwayne Smith... well, okay, he's a good fielder, fairly good batsman... well, okay, yeah. Not got much to say. Hopefully they perform better than they did last time 'round.

Delhi Daredevils

Owais Shah - 275,000
Paul Collingwood - 275,000

... Okay, so I've been rather fascinated by Delhi's moves the whole of last year. They've made some pretty smart moves, others not-so-smart (you're giving up Shikhar Dhawan? Are you, like, nuts?) Owais Shah can be a good buy, whereas Paul Collingwood? Wait, let me check my imagination.

Yep, it boggles.

Kings XI Punjab

Ravi Bopara - 450,000
Jerome Taylor - 150,000

Sensible pick-ups, both of them. Taylor could turn out to be the bargain of the IPL. Kings XI looking like one of the most well-rounded teams of the IPL.

Kolkata Knightriders

Mashrafe Mortaza - 600,000

... Okay. Mortaza has always been one of my most favourite Bangladeshi players - a good pacer and a useful big-hitter down the order, but buying him for 120 times his base price? Seems like a little too much. I'm not even that sure he'll make an adequate replacement for Umar Gul. Come on, KKR, I thought you were smarter than that.

Mumbai Indians

JP Duminy - 950,000
Kyle Mills - 150,000
Mohammad Ashraful - 75,000

Surely the effect of the recently concluded South African tour of Australia, where JP Duminy was the undisputed star. I think it's a great buy. Fantastic batsman in the form of his life, great fielder and useful part-time bowler. Kyle Mills I don't know much of and can't be bothered with finding out, but wow is that a bargain for Ashraful or what.

Rajasthan Royals

Shaun Tait - 375,000
Tyron Henderson - 650,000

With the glamour quotient cranked up considerably with the entry of Shilpa Shetty, I think RR have acquitted themselves well here. Shaun Tait can be super-dangerous provided Warney toughens him up mentally, and I remember Henderson plays for Middlesex and was one of the key reasons they won the Twenty20 cup last year (oh, that final was amazing). Maybe a wee too much paid for him, perhaps.

Unsold Players: Stuart Clark, Brad Haddin, Chamara Kapugedara, Ashwell Prince, Phil Jaques, Andre Nel, Luke Wright, Nuwan Kulasekara, Samit Patel, Shakib Al Hasan, Morne van Wyk, Steven Smith, Ashley Noffke, Gulam Bodi, Daren Powell, Tamim Iqbal, Jon Moss, Bryce McGain, James Franklin, Aiden Blizzard, Ramnaresh Sarwan, Michael Klinger, Kaushalya Weeraratne, Prasanna Jayawardene, Dominic Thornley, Yusuf Abdulla, Daniel Harris, Kemar Roach, Aaron Bird, Michael Dighton, Michael Hill and Brett Geeves.

That's a whole lot of unsold players.

The people I cannot believe have remained unsold to any team have been italicised. With special emphasis on Shakib-al-Hasan. How in the world can you not take this kid? He's the sole reason Bangladesh have done reasonably well this year! Number one in the all-rounder rankings! Smoking hot form! I couldn't believe my eyes.

... Anyway. Things are being set up for an exciting Twenty20 season ahead. Will try to follow it as much as I can, cheer for the Chennai Super Kings as much as I can, though it'll be tough with final exams coming around the same time. There's this contest going on to search for the next bunch of CSK cheerleaders and when I expressed a desire to participate, I received the Collective Withering Look of Doom from my family.

Whatever do you think they meant? ;)