Truth be told, I wanted to post something about the whole spot-fixing business, but I found it was giving me a headache. And making me overtly cynical, which is the kind of stuff I want to avoid in this blog, so maybe I'll put in my two cents when I'm able to gather my thoughts better. Or, you know, not at all.
A friend and I were having a conversation the other day (yes, it's going to be one of those posts). She was bemoaning the sorry state of the Indian ODI team ("you know, with all this experimentation, I bet they'll have Rohit Sharma and Ramesh Powar open the bowling in the World Cup"), citing the recently played final of the Micromax Cup as an example.
I pointed out that with the number of times India and Sri Lanka played each other every year, the results were going to swing both ways equally. Including the 2008 Asia Cup, India and Sri Lanka have played in five tournament finals in the last two-or-so years - the '08 Asia Cup, which Sri Lanka won, then the Compaq Cup in 2009 (I bet you'd forgotten about that, huh), which India won, then the tri-series in Bangladesh in early '10 which Sri Lanka won, then the '10 Asia Cup final, which India won, and now, the Micromax tri-series final going to Sri Lanka, as per the well-established pattern.
After a few choice words delivered at my OCD (which, you know, it totally isn't), she said, "You know, you can say all you want about patterns - and don't you dare start some pop-sociology lecture, freak - but Sri Lanka had to lose."
"Why?"
"Because - because they're evil."
I merely raised my eyebrows.
"Have you seen Kumara Sangakkara recently? Those little eyes - that evil smirk?"
I wanted to protest - it wasn't that long ago that I was endorsing a "brown Mr. Darcy" description of the same man - but I could see her point. "You're right. Kind of like a James Bond villain."
"Come off it." She rolled her eyes. "He isn't that stupid."
"Then?"
"He was a nice guy once. Kind of like-" her eyes gleamed, "-Darth Vader."
"Clearly, then," I said, "someone has got to be Palpatine. You know, the eeevil pointless villain who turns Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader."
"That's easy," she scoffed. "Mahela Jayawardene."
At this point I was practically out of my seat. "That's perfect! And Dilshan is totally General Tarkin."
"Yes! Now you're getting into it."
I was. Looking back, it was probably sinfully cathartic, but also. We were uncovering a Great Truth, so. "What about the good guys? The Jedi?"
"Pick your random Indian players," she said.
Considering the Jedi don't really exist for any purpose other than "battling" the Sith and vice versa, that made sense. "First off? Let's get Han Solo out of the way. M S Dhoni."
After a lot more choicey words about my "mile-wide bias" (which it totally isn't), it was decided that the Han Solo casting would be decided upon later. "Sachin Tendulkar," she said, "is obviously Master Yoda. Right from the size, to the English, to the nine-hundred-years-old part."
"That makes Dhoni Obi-Wan Kenobi!" I crowed.
"You do realise that makes Suresh Raina Luke Skywalker, right?"
That stopped me short, I had to admit. But hey. I could live with that, you know? "Then Han Solo is Yuvraj Singh. You know, irresponsible friend of the hero who's really, really good if he puts his head into it?"
However, when I started speculating about Chewbacca, she pretty much warned me not to broach the subject with a ten-foot pole. Huh. (Look, Harbhajan Singh would make an awesome Wookiee).
Then there was only one thing left to be determined.
"Who's Princess Leia?" she asked.
It turned out I didn't really have to think too much about that. "Ishant Sharma," I said.
India v Sri Lanka: because the Force Wills it to Be.
Showing posts with label Sangakkara. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sangakkara. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
IPL Aftershocks
So. A lot of people like to blame the IPL for a lot of things: you know, cricketers worrying more about where the moolah is coming from than representing their country, a footballer-esque tendency to be seen with arm-candy, the utter suckiness of the Indian team and their inability to do anything right in the last two editions of the T20 WC, corruption, the belittling of the international game, eroding the values of Test cricket, headache-inducing commentary, piss-poor broadcasting, advertising to the point of utter nausea.
Did I miss something? Oh yeah, pollution, global warming, terrorism, American Idol and pretty much every evil in the world.
BUT! There are things (if things is the word I want) that are much, much worse that tend to slip under the scanner; things that piss me off to no end.
a. Its influence on Indian selection. I don't even have to explain, just name names. Manpreet Gony. Rohit Sharma. Vinay Kumar. Sudeep Tyagi. YUSUF PATHAN.
b. The fraying of mute buttons on TV remotes all over India. Even now my finger still twitches toward that button every time I sit down to watch cricket. Damn thing hardly works anymore.
c. A deluge (and I mean tidal wave, frickin' tsunami) of IPL critics. Suddenly the IPL is responsible for everything! The tournament isn't without its many faults, but the utter acid (most of it completely gratituous and horribly pretentious) that dripped from so many "informed observers" corroded not just my laptop screen but also my ability to enjoy the game at all. ("Test cricket is the only cricket worth playing! Oh these young 'uns with their terrible tastes in music and sport and heroes and movies are ruining our culture!" Stuff it, guys.)
d. THIS:
(and a zandu balm ad featuring the delhi daredevils which i unfortunately couldn't find online)
SWEET MOTHER OF GOD.
I died. Several times.
You're talking about the IPL being a terrible influence. Hahahahaha.
You have no idea.
EDIT: About the current (travesty of a) Test series?
Dhoni: "A bowling attack with experience, variety and skill? Durrrr.... what's that?"
Sangakkara: "You know, I'd be happier if the double hundred came against a regular Test-playing nation. Y'know, like the team that's number one in the rankings right now. Like -- wait, what do you mean, we're playing India?"
Raina: "OhyayIscoredaCENTURYonDEBUT! IscoredabuttloadofrunswithTENDULKAR! I'msohappyIcanpogostickallthewaytoChina!"
Tendulkar: "Uh, so. Another Test, some more runs scored. Same old, same old. *yawn* Which country are we playing now, by the way?"
Zaheer Khan: "I'm kind of reeeeally glad I'm halfway across the world from Sri Lanka right now. Actually, scratch that. I'm just glad there's this many miles between me and the Indian cricket team, period."
Ishant Sharma, et al: "Pleeeease can we join you, Zaheer bhaiya?"
Harbhajan Singh: "Look at me, I'm down in the dumps. LOOK AT ME, dammit."
Random Sri Lankan spinner: "So! Somebody was telling me that playing Test cricket against the best lineup in the world would be tough! Dammit, wish I'd taken a bet against that."
Atul Wassan: "It's kind of worrying that even now India has to depend on Tendulkar to get them out of trouble. If after so many years we're not able to fend for ourselves -- "
Everybody else: "The dude's doing his friggin job as a middle order senior batsman. And whose shortcomings is he trying to make up for? Dravid and Laxman, who've been playing pretty much forever too!"
Muttiah Muralitharan: *points and laughs*
Me: WHY AM I WATCHING THIS SHIT.
Did I miss something? Oh yeah, pollution, global warming, terrorism, American Idol and pretty much every evil in the world.
BUT! There are things (if things is the word I want) that are much, much worse that tend to slip under the scanner; things that piss me off to no end.
a. Its influence on Indian selection. I don't even have to explain, just name names. Manpreet Gony. Rohit Sharma. Vinay Kumar. Sudeep Tyagi. YUSUF PATHAN.
b. The fraying of mute buttons on TV remotes all over India. Even now my finger still twitches toward that button every time I sit down to watch cricket. Damn thing hardly works anymore.
c. A deluge (and I mean tidal wave, frickin' tsunami) of IPL critics. Suddenly the IPL is responsible for everything! The tournament isn't without its many faults, but the utter acid (most of it completely gratituous and horribly pretentious) that dripped from so many "informed observers" corroded not just my laptop screen but also my ability to enjoy the game at all. ("Test cricket is the only cricket worth playing! Oh these young 'uns with their terrible tastes in music and sport and heroes and movies are ruining our culture!" Stuff it, guys.)
d. THIS:
(and a zandu balm ad featuring the delhi daredevils which i unfortunately couldn't find online)
SWEET MOTHER OF GOD.
I died. Several times.
You're talking about the IPL being a terrible influence. Hahahahaha.
You have no idea.
EDIT: About the current (travesty of a) Test series?
Dhoni: "A bowling attack with experience, variety and skill? Durrrr.... what's that?"
Sangakkara: "You know, I'd be happier if the double hundred came against a regular Test-playing nation. Y'know, like the team that's number one in the rankings right now. Like -- wait, what do you mean, we're playing India?"
Raina: "OhyayIscoredaCENTURYonDEBUT! IscoredabuttloadofrunswithTENDULKAR! I'msohappyIcanpogostickallthewaytoChina!"
Tendulkar: "Uh, so. Another Test, some more runs scored. Same old, same old. *yawn* Which country are we playing now, by the way?"
Zaheer Khan: "I'm kind of reeeeally glad I'm halfway across the world from Sri Lanka right now. Actually, scratch that. I'm just glad there's this many miles between me and the Indian cricket team, period."
Ishant Sharma, et al: "Pleeeease can we join you, Zaheer bhaiya?"
Harbhajan Singh: "Look at me, I'm down in the dumps. LOOK AT ME, dammit."
Random Sri Lankan spinner: "So! Somebody was telling me that playing Test cricket against the best lineup in the world would be tough! Dammit, wish I'd taken a bet against that."
Atul Wassan: "It's kind of worrying that even now India has to depend on Tendulkar to get them out of trouble. If after so many years we're not able to fend for ourselves -- "
Everybody else: "The dude's doing his friggin job as a middle order senior batsman. And whose shortcomings is he trying to make up for? Dravid and Laxman, who've been playing pretty much forever too!"
Muttiah Muralitharan: *points and laughs*
Me: WHY AM I WATCHING THIS SHIT.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The height of audacity
... is Sangakkara electing to bat first after winning the toss.
I'm sure a lot of us have already taken an India v Sri Lanka final for granted, but you didn't have to show it like that! This was not a dead-rubber! Don't you want to make things just that a little harder for India? You even went in with a full-strength team - against one that decided to rest its best opening batsman, its frontline spinner, and a senior pacer!
And after being trampled over by India, the man admits, "I don't think we learnt much by batting first."
All I can say to that?
I'm sure a lot of us have already taken an India v Sri Lanka final for granted, but you didn't have to show it like that! This was not a dead-rubber! Don't you want to make things just that a little harder for India? You even went in with a full-strength team - against one that decided to rest its best opening batsman, its frontline spinner, and a senior pacer!
And after being trampled over by India, the man admits, "I don't think we learnt much by batting first."
All I can say to that?

Friday, December 11, 2009
India Darcy'd
Perhaps the contrasting performances of the two captains playing at number three best described the proceedings in the Twenty20 played between India and Sri Lanka on Thursday.
Sangakkara, suave, authoritative and just as articulate with the bat as he is with the English language, blasted 60-odd off 20-odd, while Dhoni left with a failed attempt at (once again) transcribing his ODI game into his Twenty20 one.
While not as big an Austen fan as some of my contemporaries, I've been very fond of Leela's "brown Mr. Darcy" assessment of Kumara Sangakkara.
India's problems probably started before the match itself.
For one, it's bowling "attack". Nehra, Dinda, Ishant Sharma. Yusuf Pathan.
... What?
Ishant Sharma has been dropped from the ODI and Test teams. So why was he in the Twenty20 team? Has he confidence or recent good performances in the shorter versions of the game on his side? Was he successful in the IPL? Hell, was he even part of a successful team in the IPL?
And what was with Zaheer Khan being treated like a giant pista and rested for the Twenty20s?
The less said about the fielding, the better.
The last time India -- the same India that's ostensibly deriding the highest echelons of the game, ruthlessly promoting Twenty20 to the point of blatant exploitation -- won a Twenty20 international convincingly was October 2007.
India falling prey to a lack of seriousness in Twenty20 that used to characterise its opponents in the past?
I don't know, but then again, I don't know how else to explain the selection of the likes of Ishant, Dinda, Yusuf Pathan, Rohit Sharma.
Sangakkara, suave, authoritative and just as articulate with the bat as he is with the English language, blasted 60-odd off 20-odd, while Dhoni left with a failed attempt at (once again) transcribing his ODI game into his Twenty20 one.
While not as big an Austen fan as some of my contemporaries, I've been very fond of Leela's "brown Mr. Darcy" assessment of Kumara Sangakkara.
India's problems probably started before the match itself.
For one, it's bowling "attack". Nehra, Dinda, Ishant Sharma. Yusuf Pathan.
... What?
Ishant Sharma has been dropped from the ODI and Test teams. So why was he in the Twenty20 team? Has he confidence or recent good performances in the shorter versions of the game on his side? Was he successful in the IPL? Hell, was he even part of a successful team in the IPL?
And what was with Zaheer Khan being treated like a giant pista and rested for the Twenty20s?
The less said about the fielding, the better.
The last time India -- the same India that's ostensibly deriding the highest echelons of the game, ruthlessly promoting Twenty20 to the point of blatant exploitation -- won a Twenty20 international convincingly was October 2007.
India falling prey to a lack of seriousness in Twenty20 that used to characterise its opponents in the past?
I don't know, but then again, I don't know how else to explain the selection of the likes of Ishant, Dinda, Yusuf Pathan, Rohit Sharma.
Labels:
Dhoni,
Ishant Sharma,
Sangakkara,
selection,
Sri Lanka in India '09,
Twenty20,
We Suck
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)