Life, Fantasy and Cricket

Indian team playlist

2012-01-06T06:35:00.000-08:00

And now for something completely different!

Sure, Sydney was depressing. So depressing, in fact, that talking about it would be like beating a dead horse, mincing it into tiny pieces, feeding them to a bunch of wild dogs, then beating them. It's horrible, brutal, disgusting, and brings to the mind a great horror and despair.

So! Instead of that, here's something to distract us:

While travelling over the last couple of weeks, I tried to keep myself occupied by thinking of songs that would go best with the current Indian line-up. Here's what I came up with. This is, of course, entirely my opinion and my music preferences - feel free to make suggestions/additions/deletions. I'd love to hear them. :)

Here goes:

1. Virender Sehwag - "Wanted Dead or Alive" -- Bon Jovi
2. Gautam Gambhir - "Little Lion Man" -- Mumford and Sons
3. Rahul Dravid - "After the Storm" -- Mumford and Sons
4. Sachin Tendulkar - "Eye of the Tiger" -- Survivor
5. VVS Laxman - "Marchin' On" -- One Republic
6. Virat Kohli - "Vienna" -- Billy Joel
7. Mahendra Singh Dhoni - "Float On" -- Modest Mouse
8. R Ashwin - "Feeling Good" -- Muse
9. Zaheer Khan - "When They Come For Me" -- Linkin Park
10. Ishant Sharma - "Hot 'n Cold" -- Katy Perry
11. Umesh Yadav - "It's My Turn to Fly" -- The Urge

Lurching through a kaleidoscope of the nonsensical

2012-01-02T05:25:00.000-08:00

First off: a very happy new year to everybody out there! Let's hope this year is filled with happiness, success and exciting cricket.

I apologise for the long hiatus. 2011 has been rather trying from a cricket fan's point of view. While I allow that my laziness is partly to blame, this year has been so full of dizzying highs and desperate lows that it's become more a chore than a pleasure to keep up.

The World Cup victory - has it only been eight months? Gosh - has already vanished in a haze of premature nostalgia, and people composing end-of-year review posts have already started warning us that the victory shouldn't hide the greater problems with the Indian team. Namely, our pathological inability to win anything substantial on foreign soil. While I avoid a large chunk of cricket writing these days - I can never shake off the feeling that I'm being talked down to, that there's a great deal of obfuscation regarding different forms of the same sport, that people who enjoy, or claim to enjoy, cricket at its basic levels can find it repulsive when not played for five days - I agree with the basic principle.

The time difference between our tour of England and England touring us was a matter of weeks. In every other way, however - they might as well have been photographic negatives.

The batting floundered, the bowling was inadequate, sure. But I've heard this story before. This team seems stuck in an eternal bog of inadequacy, sea legs on a distant shore, although they are probably more travel-savvy than most billionaires around the world. Our batting literally cannot get any better - VirunGauti at the top, Rahul Dravid, Sachin Tendulkar at the top of their game, the Australian Nemesis VVS Laxman, both Virat Kohli and Rohit Sharma making strong claims for no 6, Dhoni at 7, a surprisingly accomplished Ashwin at 8, and, uh, well, let's forget about the tail. This flopped repeatedly in England, and in both innings at Melbourne. If our bowling is some sort of patchwork rotating door, the batting is like one of those antique behemoths that crumble to dust at the slightest pressure.

At home, however - they swell like a tidal wave, and all is forgotten and forgiven in a burst of jingoistic retribution.

This team is stagnating. The stage has changed, the props have changed, the actors have changed, the director has changed, the music is loud and the audience is more rowdy, but the script remains the same.

You can call that an uninformed, or barely informed, generalisation. Sure, go ahead. But when I look at the cricket and feel nothing but a tired sort of deja vu, I have to wonder. Is this 2003? Is this 2007? Because it's the same friggin ground, the same friggin team, and the same sort of mindless capitulation after a strong start.

The technical analysis behind India's repeated failures abroad is beyond me; it could be the technique, it could be their mental status, it could be a hoodoo priestess in a rundown shack in Canberra, for all I know. All I hope for now is a quick re-write, before all the columnists start gnawing away like maggots on a three day old corpse.

Again and again, I keep coming back to this quote, but there has perhaps never been a more candid, more true statement about modern cricket:

After all, if taken in the right sense, we are the performers in the circus

Dhoni nailed it. 2011 was a particularly busy year for the circus. I have a vague recollection of a South African tour in January - wasn't Yusuf Pathan quite the hero in that? He's disappeared into the ether now - a ponderous group stage of the World Cup (barring a couple of exciting games) ate up most of February and all of March, and - after the glorious, glorious first week of April, we had the IPL right through the rest of the month and all of May. And then - again, I vaguely recall - a tour of West Indies? Or something. Duncan Fletcher got appointed as coach somewhere along the way, and Rahul Dravid made one of the most ironic statements in the history of the world with regards to a sense of humour.

July and August - touring England and getting our asses kicked, then coming home and kicking ass in return - squeezed in a Champions League in September before the West Indies came home, and -

- you know what? I don't even know anymore. There was cricket, and it was played.

Two of the best things in 2011 for me - apart from April 3, of course - was Dhoni surging to limited-overs glory in the middle of the ear, doing it in his inimitable, last-man-standing, boy on the burning deck style at first, then in a sort of Rockstar Terminator style later. The second was, of course, the rise and rise of one Ashwin Ravichandran. The man's a gem. He really, really is. I feel nothing but pity for Bhajji.

Coming to our current tour of Australia - given that we are following the paths tread as deep as the Grand Canyon, the Sydney test should be a better one. Whitewater raft your way through this one, boys - quit stagnating and shake off the seaweed.

The Big Crash

2011-08-21T03:05:00.000-07:00

There was a point, I think, right after the Lord's Test, where I was absolutely unconcerned about how the team was playing; I remained smug and solid in my conviction that this team was the king of comebacks, and that it would bounce back with the kind of alacrity that would lead to people making horrible puns that possibly included the words 'India rubber'. After all, we all know what happened in South Africa, right? Or Australia? Or Sri Lanka? Hell, the Freakin Amazing Test Match in '08 against England in Chennai, where we were losing for 3 and a half days before going on to win?

History said: India will make England slip off its perch so bad, it's gonna get rope-burn. Or something. (History isn't terribly great at mixed metaphors.)

Unfortunately, we went through a wormhole into a reality where it was India that continued slipping. And slipping. And slipping.

But more on that later.

So there we were in good ol' Trent Bridge for the second Test, and India seemed right on track. We had England at 100-odd for 6, Ishant Sharma was finally starting to look formidable again, and PK was a revelation. "See?" I said. "Everything's going according to plan."

Then: we... just let it slip.

Looking back on that moment, that session of play where we let Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann do what they pleased with the bat was The Turning Point. Possibly THE most important session in the series. When we let that go, we'd practically let go of the series, our no 1 ranking, any semblance of dignity we might have had. I remember being more bemused than angry. I still am, actually. It's like being smacked on the head by a cow that just fell from the sky. What the hell happened?

Yeah, sure, England played magnificently - not going to take that away from them - and we were crap warmed over, but - still. What? We can't be THAT bad, right? The depressing thing is that a team with the likes of Tendulkar, Dravid, Laxman and Sehwag is performing a couple of notches below how Bangladesh would perform in the same situation. Hell, B'desh could've maybe managed a draw or two, even.

The final Test is going on at the Oval right now, and England scored bucketloads of runs in the first innings (as usual) and we - FREAKIN AGAIN - folded cheaply. It's like somebody went there and pulled the plug on some vital reserve in the Indian players. I imagine little gears and chains in the players' bodies, pulling them through over after over, through minute after minute of the depressing charade. In the few minutes I dared to watch the actual TV coverage - risky, because I tend to spend the rest of the day in a blue funk when I do - I remember Harsha Bhogle saying something along the lines of, "So Praveen Kumar continues to bowl. And bowl. And bowl."

I imagine he was praising PK's perseverance and stamina, but every word was also a statement on the black sludge that the Indian cricket viewer's soul was being dragged through.

And bowl. And bowl. And bowl. And bowl. And bowl...

A lonely and sordid nightmare.

Compounding the depression is that - man, this is England we're losing to. England! Forgive me for my prejudices, but - seriously, India? Seriously? About the only modern English thing I can bring myself to love is Doctor Who. Everything else is a horror acid trip consisting mostly of Swann's 142-character witticisms and Stuart Broad's, well, everything.

Dhoni must've known a series loss was going to come sometime. I don't think he expected it to be this bad.

I can't bring myself to watch/read/write about this series. It's physically painful. Just getting those links for the matches and verifying the scores was like taking raw chunks out of my soul. I remember my Dad watching an NDTV news bulletin about the second Test during breakfast. The anchor announced the highlights package as "Now for the Sadlights" without a trace of irony. If the team's performance is depressing, the local media reaction is even more depressing.

Sunil Gavaskar going, "The players, now that they've won the World Cup, act as if Indian cricket owes them something now, rather than the other way round" (paraphrased), was probably the only time I got angry through the whole affair. That's an unfair statement, Mr. Gavaskar. That's really, really unfair. I really can't say anything more than that, just goggle in sheer disbelief.

I can't stand it. I usually avoid news channels like the plague; now I've taken to just removing the sports pages of the newspaper and folding them under the toaster in the morning. Yes, I'm enjoying my ride in this river in Egypt; how about you?

I'm still waiting for THE moment, however. The moment where the Indian team gets that spring in its step and stop auditioning for extras in a George Romero movie. It's part wishful thinking, part romantic fantasy, but mostly proved by history. There have been passages - tiny, but they were there - of play in this tour where the Indians showed glimpses of why they are/were/are/were/ARE, goddamit, the best team in the world. Some good memories can still be salvaged out of this tour. Maybe even a couple of wins.

Meanwhile, I'll direct the depressing stuff to the ever-growing pile under my toaster.

I keep falling in love.

2011-05-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

Oh yes I do.

♥

My 0.2 seconds of fame

2011-05-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

Finally, my report of what went down on the evening of May 4! A little late, I know, but I've been around a bit since then, and, well. The Chennai summer has been sapping me of the will to live, leave alone write.

However! Here we go.

It was the afternoon of the fourth of May, and it was HOT. I mean, not any more than usual, but it's not the kind of afternoon you'd want to play cricket in. With much sympathy (a rare thing for fans as entitled as we), three of my friends and I met up at a shopping mall nearby and took an autorickshaw to about as close as it could get to the stadium. On the way, we saw the team bus, and possibly spotted Albie Morkel at the window. Excited? Hell yeah.
Having purchased our CSK caps from one of the several vendors lurking around, and having made sure we were all decked in yellow, we proceeded to walk toward our designated gate. We were soaked in sweat by the end of that walk. I was dreading how much more of our body volume we were about to lose inside the stadium.

Security was... well. About as tight as they could manage. We knew about the no-food, no-water rule, but they also confiscated my tube of sunscreen and my friend's deo spray, which, well. Kind of pissed us off. Serves you right if my face comes off in great bloody strips and the toxic fumes from several thousand sweaty armpits kill us all, was my thought. In retrospect, it was probably silly, but that close to the stadium? I think I was already prepping myself for mindless emotional reactions. Yay!

So! Into the stadium we went. It'd been three years since I'd last been to the MAC (the last time was a CSK v DC match I went to with my family; that happened to be one of the only two games DC managed to win the whole '08 season, so I warned the others that they were taking a bad-luck charm with them). It looked... pretty, with the giant white canopies and the gaps between the stands and the profusion of giant screens (counted at least three at first glance). The major improvement, though? The seats. Also, the general appearance had made a giant improvement: I remember the first time I visited the MAC and being hugely disappointed by how shabby everything looked. Now, though? I felt like I was really visiting the stadium for the first time.

Our stand was the I stand, lower tier, which was fantastic because it was right by where the players practiced before the match started. The Men in Startlingly Bright Yellow were already there, stretching and doing catching practice when we arrived. The Rajasthan Royals had not come out yet, and the stadium was just starting to slowly fill in. Armed with those inflatable Zoozoo headband things we went straight to the fence to start gaping at the players ("who's that with the weirdass shirt?" "Hussey?" "You kidding me? That's Albie." "ALBIE! Look here!")
Just as Raina was leaving, we called out to him, waving frantically. He turned back, grinned at the four of us, and waved back. Did I mention Raina is awesome? Because he is. We tried the same with Morkel; he kinda glanced back and gave a reluctant little wave with his hand still near his hip; Badrinath didn't even respond. Which is kind of rude, since we were the only people out there calling for him. (We didn't laugh when his pants came down, though. Not much, anyway.)

So as the toss and the pre-match interviews went on ("there's no time gap between the pitch-report and the toss?" gasped my friend, a first-timer. Aaah, the routine of watching cricket on TV. Anything for ads featuring two-timing girls with bulky mobile phones.) and we started settling in (not really). We painted giant yellow hearts on one side of our cheeks and a CSK player's name on the other (I was "Ashwin" by the way; why not Dhoni, you ask? Ashwin needs all the fan-support he can get, yo! Plus it occupied maximum space, so. Y'know. Fun.)

So there we were, screaming and laughing and creating a right royal ruckus a good half-hour before the match had even begun. We managed to draw the attention of the official CSK website photographer, who snapped us grinning wide enough to split our faces open. Aaaand the photo came on the CSK website!

Our 0.2 seconds of fame, I declared.

Anyway. The match started, and it was tremendous fun. For one, it was actually cool. As in, it was pleasant and not horribly stuffy as we'd dreaded, mostly due to the fact that there'd been a lovely cool breeze blowing every few minutes. Also, we were in the shady part of the stadium, which meant there was no direct sunlight. It was an amazingly pleasant surprise.

Dravid was going great guns - it was a little surreal to be watching it real-time with no closeups of the batsman or following the ball as it went to the boundary; I swear at one point I was grasping at thin air for an invisible remote - and there was much chanting of "C-S-K! C-S-K!" from behind us in encouragement. Just to rile them up, we would go "Ra-jas-than! Ra-jas-than!" every time they started their chant. What? It was fun, although we did get a lot of funny looks.

However, we didn't always have a great view of the action, and had to move a little higher later in the second innings. Another disadvantage of being where we were was that Aniruddha Srikkanth kept fielding right in front of us, and we had a near-constant view of his generously-endowed posterior and his occasional fielding gaffe (he fell right over the ball even as it raced under him in the first over. I pray he didn't hear us cursing. We love you really, Aniruddha!).

Wickets fell like rain in the last ten overs - skiers falling down the throat of Murali Vijay, mostly; damn, that man must be a specialist in that sort of thing by now - and we screamed, oh how we screamed! Gave high-fives and vent to our throats in a way that would've cracked glass were we watching this at home. This is it, I thought, this is aaaall it's about. And it's brilliant.

It was. To give yourself to the ebbs and flows of the game like that, with complete abandon, and have ten thousand others do it with you? The feeling is like the best drug, man.

The second innings began, and perhaps the only blip there was that we lost Vijay early (one of my friends who's a HUGE Vijay fan was crushed; I laughed until I was reminded that I'd react the same way if Dhoni were to get out early. Which, y'know. Touche.) and that the result was all too predictable toward the end. "Let Raina get out and Dhoni come in!" cried my first-timer friend. "Let it be a cliffhanger like the Kolkata game!" Hell-llo. Gift. Horse. Mouth. A strict no-no. That is all.

At the end, Raina did get out with 4 to get, which amused me to no end. We cheered for Shane Watson and Johan Botha to break up the monotony ("Botha! Botha! Bo-THA!" "Dude. That sounds wrong." "Um. Johan, Johan?" "THE J IS SILENT!" "Geez. You sound like you're his mother.")

Shaun Tait, who was not playing but passed by where we sat, received a few cheers from us, too. He turned and gave a small wave, which, yay.

There were many aborted attempts at Mexican waves - aborted because one section of the crowd, the stand right next to us, in fact, would just not get up. Finally they did, and we did six continuous Waves. It was kind of awesome.

The winning moment was more of a "finally!" than a "wow! awesome!" moment, but yeah. A superbly comprehensive victory, the weather was great, and we were not the little puddles of skin-coloured goo on the cemented floor as we'd feared. The drinks were a tad expensive - Rs. 60 for an iced tea that was neither iced and tasted nothing like tea; in fact, it kinda tasted like ultra-diluted beer, but an incredibly enjoyable experience otherwise. There's nothing like being there, particularly with friends who are just as cricket-crazy as you.

Let me tell you what I love about this CSK team. They are a team. They are about the most locally represented team out there. Badrinath, Vijay, Ashwin... indispensable. (My heart still aches that Balaji is among the men in yellow anymore). I love that there's always somebody who steps up when the others aren't performing: if it's Hussey and Raina one day, it's Albie and Dhoni the next, or Vijay and Badrinath. If Albie and Randiv are bowling crap, it's Dougie and Jakati; if it's Ashwin and Bravo one day, it's Raina and Kulasekara the other. Mumbai is all Tendulkar, Rayudu and Malinga; Bangalore = Gayle. Not so Chennai. I love it.

I especially love that these guys can come back from bad situations and fight blood, tooth and nail till either victory or the very last ball. Is why they are the most successful IPL team out there any mystery? I don't think so.

Brilliance in an airport lounge.

2011-05-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

I went for the CSK v RR match on May 4. There is much I want to tell regarding that, but considering I left that very night for a trip to Sri Lanka and returned only today, the report will come a little late.

Before that, however--

Just a few hours ago, I was in the Colombo airport, in the departure area, boarding passes in hand, flight just half an hour away, itching to go back to Chennai. They were showing the KTK v RCB match on the TV, and after I spent a few minutes boggling at the new Bangalore uniform -- lime green, seriously? They look like runaway runway markers. Or like unicorns vomited on them. -- Prashanth Parameswaran came to bowl to Chris Gayle. I like Parameswaran. I like that he came from nowhere, with a mouthful of a name that pulls Danny Morrison's tongue into knots and tons of cool attitude. I wondered how he felt, bowling to somebody like Chris Gayle. I mean, sure. Sehwag is Sehwag and everything, but Gayle tends to be even more unpredictable, and can demoralise you like nobody's business in the space of a few balls.

That over went for 37 runs.

Thirty-seven, people.

If I remember right, the first ball went for 6. The second was a no-ball hit for six, so that's 7, and the free-hit went for 4, so that's 11 runs off that second ball. Then I think he hit two more sixes and two more fours.

It was quite a scene. We were all gathered around the TV, some of us with huge grins on our faces, others with hands over their mouths, still more staring at the screen, fascinated, like it was some sort of newly discovered extra-terrestrial life-form. The last call for boarding the flight was on. Nobody moved. A frustrated wife tried to pry her husband away from the TV, but he kept saying, "Just one more ball! Just one more!"

(thirty-seven. the mind still boggles. such casual violence.)

Then Vinay Kumar came on to bowl. As Gayle came on strike, there was much conferencing. Mahela, Vinay, the 'keeper, everybody. Prashanth stood by the side, sweating and maybe a little shaken. Vinay threw everything he had. A bouncer. Slower ball. There seemed to be a catch dropped off his bowling, but it was a bump ball that bounced inches in front of a diving Ramesh Powar.

Then. Finally. Vinay went for a Malinga-style yorker. Went under the toe-end of Gayle's bat and dismantled his off-stump. Much rejoicing.

This was the point we all rushed to the coach that would take us to the flight, but the match situation at that point in time?

3.4 overs, 67 runs, chasing 126.

Freakishly awesome, and all in that space of time in an airport lounge in Colombo.

Oh dear lord.

2011-04-25T08:29:00.001-07:00

One response:

Also, sorry. Got nothing meaningful to add, really. I thought I'd get more into the IPL as it progressed, but I've been able to muster nothing even near the enthusiasm of the last three years. However! I'll be going to a couple of matches in May (and I'll finally be seeing the brand new MAC!) so hopefully that'll put me in a blogging kind of mood.

I am vaguely disturbed by this.

2011-04-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

'Tis the season of the Eye-Pee-Elle!

2011-04-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

Disjointed post, ahoy!

1. Okay, I'm getting sick of the Dhoni-madness. I lapped it all up with much glee the first couple of days, but all the bandwagon-hopping hypocrite groupies are pissing me off. You really love the man so much? Try sticking by him when he's not winning World Cups!

2. IPL! I mean, look. I consider myself a pretty indefatigable cricket fan: keep it comin', is my motto. I'll snark, I'll groan, I'll shake my fists, but trust me, I'll make sure I follow the match somehow: TV, internet commentary, radio, mobile updates, what have you. But this time? First match was CSK v KKR, and I couldn't work up anything. I was half-asleep until the last five overs of the match. The World Cup took more out of me as a spectator than I'd expected. Huh. Who'd've thunk?

3. Speaking of the last five overs, hah. What an exercise in hilarity. But good for you, Southee. Aaaalso, I think everybody needed that cliffie. Both teams and their fans were sleepwalking till that time. All of us needed that fillip, I think. Feeling ready for the rest of the season? I think. Hopefully I'll get tickets to go to a few of the matches this time 'round.

4. I know I've been pretty critical of IPL opening ceremonies in the past, but I expected this to be better, since, you know. It's Chennai, and everything. But, no. It sucked beyond belief. I couldn't even watch it. Why?

Too much Bollywood. I honestly expected the likes of Sivamani, Simbu, Vijay, etc, etc., to be shaking a leg out there. Not Sunidhi Chauhan and Shah Rukh friggin' Khan. WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF BOLLYWOOD, AND ITS STUPID, GENERIC PSEUDO-PUNJABI BEATS. IF YOU WANT A CEREMONY IN CHENNAI, YOU MIGHT TRY MAKING IT A LITTLE MORE LIKE IT'S ACTUALLY IN CHENNAI.
What's that? SCREW "NATIONAL APPEAL". YOU WEREN'T EVEN ABLE TO ENTERTAIN THE CROWD PRESENT AT THE STADIUM, YOU FOOLS.
Blah blah blah magic and then the obligatory Shah Rukh friggin Khan "speaking" (read: horribly dubbed) in Tamil, and dancing to the very obligatory Appadi Podu. Do you guys realise that that song is over eight years old? Man, slap a label and milk it to the very last stereotypical drop! Insulting and disappointing.
SRK? Vijay pwns you in the dance-department. Just saying.
I repeat: this is Chennai. Not pseudo-Mumbai. What a frustrating and terrible ceremony.

5. It was physically painful to see Balaji bowl for the opposition. Seriously. Love the man so damn much, and he sticks out like a sore thumb in the Sourpuss Squad, also occasionally known as the Kolkata Knightriders.

6. What the hell, Gambo. Comin' in at 6? Not one of your brighter ideas. I get it when Dhoni does it - he's played in every position in the line-up, and 6 is usually his place. But you're an opening batsman, dude. Not a slogger.

7. One of my favourite moments from last night's game was this: Gambo hits one to long-on (I think, I was still fighting sleep at the time), where Albie's fielding. Albie fumbles a bit, but he gets the throw back to Dhoni, who kinda stops the ball with his body. The ball rebounds off his gloves and dribbles behind him, so he loses sight of it. Gambo senses an opportunity and scampers for the second run. Dhoni's looking frantically for the ball, but Styris swoops down on it and throws it at the stumps with Gambo short of his crease. KKR sink further into the depths. And what happens? Even abject incompetence from Dhoni is made to look like genius. He set Gambo up for the run-out by muffing the take! seemed to squeal the commentators. Dhoni just grinned sheepishly. I laughed and laughed and laughed.

8. I love that CSK is more or less the same team as the last three seasons. How much do I love this team, you ask? Sometimes even more than the Indian team, is my answer. Chennai, the city, remains my only love in India.

9. ... And that's all she wrote. I'm back at the hospital after a break, and I am exhausted. Possibly last night's fatigue wasn't entirely due to post-World Cup hangover. Whatever.

ADDENDUM: Oh god, I'm so tired I think I'm hallucinating. I just saw Laxman hitting a six.

*reaches blearily for caffeine*

Brilliance.

2011-04-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

I sometimes feel out of place in cricket discussions: the upstart, the young girl who's followed cricket for barely nine years, the fangirl who hero-worships Dhoni like some people hero-worship Tendulkar. They speak of several years of supporting a faltering Indian team, watching it slump and then grow and then slump again; they talk of the choking emotion in watching it move from triumph to triumph after the turn of the century. Their heroes are slowly going out, one by one, except for that one man who's been a constant fixture in Indian cricket for more than 2 decades. They talk of the '83 World Cup victory with unbridled nostalgia; in '83 my parents were still five years away from even meeting each other for the first time. This World Cup win, then, is special for them in so many ways - ways that are scattered across cyberspace, freely - but for me?

My affair with cricket started with the 2003 World Cup, when I was a giggly 12 year old who barely knew the difference between 'leg side' and 'off side'. My grandmother was - and is - the original cricket buff in the family. She religiously watches every single match that India plays - and as many other cricket matches as she can - and her enthusiasm as the '03 Cup approached rubbed off on me, more than any amount of media hype. I remember studiously cutting out the colourful World Cup match schedule from the backpage of The Hindu, laminating it, and then checking it every morning to see what match was on that day. Much of my emotional investment in the game today comes from my memories of that tournament. I whooped and I cheered and I cried. I pestered my Dad with all sorts of cricketing questions. I remember enjoying listening to Sanjay Manjrekar and Rameez Raja commentating together. I remember giggling at all the jabs at Mandira Bedi. I remember the Tarot card reading before the Ind v Kenya semifinal. I bought an India jersey just before the final and sat in front of the TV, hoping, hoping, praying. Of course, the team flopped at the final stage, but long before Tendulkar fell, Ponting blitzed an amazing century and I think we'd all come to accept that India wasn't winning this one. But hey, we said, we reached the final. That's pretty damn good, right?

At that time, it was. I religiously followed the Indian team after that. There were periods - most of 2006 - where cricket was the last thing on my mind, but for the most part, I followed the team that I believed would do it, would do it next time. I acquired a working knowledge, played backyard cricket with my brother, devoured as many cricket-related articles as I could.

In 2007, I was the hormone-ridden 16 year old who believed "Dhoni's going to win the World Cup for us this time." I was in the throes of a crush on the man, what can I say? Those dreams, of course, came crashing down pretty quickly, but it was nice while it lasted. I had a copy of the World Cup schedule - this time, it was an already-laminated copy that came free with some magazine or the other - under my pillow, so when I woke up, the first thing I'd do was check the day's match.

One of the things I remember best about the run-up to the tournament was our ability to fool ourselves. Not all was well with the team - the unceremonious ousting of Sourav Ganguly, Chappell being an unpopular coach and media-handler and PR... well, just unpopular in general, home series losses to Australia and Pakistan, a godawful tour of South Africa, where we lost everything except that Test win in Jo'burg and our first-ever Twenty20 - but we won a couple of hastily-arranged bilaterals at home against SL and WI, which of course, assured us that we could still make a fist of things. It wasn't to be, and like the '03 final, we'd (or I'd, anyway) forgiven the Indian team long before the final wickets fell against SL and Rahul Dravid's tears broke my heart. I remember feeling a kind of malicious glee as reports came in about a tournament that was poorly organised and poorly attended, a tournament that had its final end with one of the most pointless and farcical finishes in the history of the game. After all, how can a tournament that had neither India nor Pakistan even make it to the second round ever be popular? But still I told myself: we would do it, we would do it next time.

That debacle prompted me to up my cricket obsession by several levels. I followed the exploits of the team more intensely than ever before. If you ask me, I can tell you anything you want to know about India's matches in between May 2007 to December 2008. Anything. I can even quote some of the scorecards. "Religious" didn't even begin to cover it. We were beginning to lift ourselves after that disaster, and I didn't want to miss a moment. A Test series win in England, a curious, good-now, bad-now, good-again sort of 3-4 loss to Eng in the ODIs (characterised by the most atrocious fielding I have seen from the Indians ever), and then: the inaugural Twenty20 WC.

Hah, that tournament. Full of dizzy highs. The thing that I found remarkable about that tournament - more than Yuvraj's six sixes, or Irfan Pathan's performance, or RP Singh's magic with the new ball, or even Rohit Sharma's emergence - was something that happened during our tie in our first match against Pakistan, and that ridiculous(ly awesome) bowl-out we had to decide the winner. Malik had no clue what was going on; he just picked five bowlers who'd bowled the best that day, and that included the likes of Umar Gul and Asif. Dhoni? Dhoni picked Sehwag, Harbhajan and Robin Uthappa, who'd never bowled an international ball in his life, much to everybody's astonishment. Result? India win that 3-0.

Why? everybody asked Dhoni. What was the rationale? And Dhoni said: they'd been preparing for just such a scenario. The squad had divided itself into 4 groups, and during practice sessions, they would have bowl-out tournaments. So, it was easy, he said. He just picked whoever had the best record in those little tournaments. In fact, he said, Rohit Sharma, who was not in the XI in that game, had a 100% record.

That, for me, was mind-boggling. Here was a guy, just appointed captain of the team, playing a tournament in a format of the game that was still in its infancy, coming into it just days after a long, draining tour of England, with no senior players, having played just one Twenty20 till that moment, no practice matches, no coach... and he was so goddamn prepared. He was at the top of his game, he had every base covered, right from match one of his captaincy. This was a keeper, I thought, and I didn't mean his role in the side. I hoped it was a portent for great things to come.

We would do it next time. Next time.

I watched this team with a sort of open-mouthed fascination over the next year or so. The superbly entertaining, if controversial -- oh, who am I kidding, it was that entertaining because it was so controversial -- Australian tour, the CB series of awesomeness, IPL, the Asia Cup, the Mendis menace and the SL tour, the Border Gavaskar trophy, Ganguly and Kumble's retirement, the captaincy going over to Dhoni completely, the whitewash of England in the ODIs and then that magnificent Test win at Chennai-- 2008 was a fab year, and I loved every moment, cherished them. I became more involved with cricket online -- I joined various forums, I'd check out cricinfo at least once every day, I started reading blogs, and late '08, I finally created one of my own.

'09 and '10 were what I like to consider the sobering years. I didn't follow cricket as closely as I moved to my college hostel which has no TV (it's an evil hostel, I know) but I made up for it with online commentary. One of my favourite memories was listening to Sachin Tendulkar score his ODI 200 on radio a year and half ago. A long lazy afternoon, but I was sitting in front of my radio, super-tense and practically vibrating with excitement. And when Sachin hit his 200th run? I ran out into the empty corridors - everybody else was either sleeping or reading or lazing about - screaming. I knocked at doors, screamed "Sachin scored a double-century!" and hugged everybody in sight, friend or enemy.

But yeah. Those two years gave us a better idea of what this Indian team was settling into. There was failure now, interspersed with success, and people were finally beginning to realise Dhoni was human (about time!) but not dealing with it very well (which sucked). We are a lot with our heads up our asses a lot of the time - the sense of entitlement we possess is staggering, and I do not consider myself an exception. But I love this team, and I understood they had to grow on their own terms. I ranted and raved when I could, and I defended them fiercely. We can still do it, was my constant refrain.

So. This World Cup arrived. My gut feeling was India's going to win this. I told my friends until their ears had fallen off: there can't be a better opportunity for India than this. We are perfectly placed. If we don't win this, then we don't ever deserve to win the World Cup.

My previous post elaborated my feelings on India's journey in this World Cup: I felt like they were saving their best for the last. We would do it, we would do it, I chanted. And how--!

The first striking thing was the fielding. My jaw dropped open! So quick, so fast, so dedicated! Not even in the T20 WC '07 did I remember them being this sharp. Yuvraj, throwing himself around and saving boundaries like a friggin' Superman on steroids! Raina! Kohli! Gambhir! Sreesanth, Zaheer, flinging themselves near the boundary rope! My house did not have current supply for exactly the period between the 44th over and the end of the Sri Lankan innings, and apparently that was the time the Indian plans came apart. Just as well for my blood pressure that I didn't see that, then. But still -- to come out with this kind of a mindset with a billion people breathing down their necks... my heart burgeoned with fresh admiration.

The prospect of chasing 275 was an interesting one. My grandmother had given up. It's Sri Lanka's day today, she said, with a shrug of her shoulders, All fate. What can we do? But I told her to just wait and see. Unlike a lot of the fans out there, I've seen this team slug it out a lot more times than I've seen it roll over in the mud.We would do this. We would do this. We ARE doing this.

Sehwag goes first thing, but I pushed down my trepidation, swallowed it like it was a particularly large chunk of bitter medicine, and thought: Okay, Sachin. Here you go.

Here's the funny thing about Sachin Tendulkar. He has played so many matches and played with so many generations, I bet he has enough to material to fill half-a-dozen very interesting books. He also means different things to different generations. To my generation, he's the Established Hero. We were what? 7, 8 years old when he played some of his most memorable innings? Hell, I was born a whole year after he made his debut. A lot of my contemporaries idolise him, of course. But for me, he's the kind of guy who you just have to admire, but not hero-worship. I can't. I'm baffled at the Tendulkar-devotion. Maybe I didn't live his greatness; after all, when I was starting to really get into cricket, he was struggling with his tennis elbow and run of poor form. So, no. Tendulkar is not god, at least for me.

But last night? I might've thought just that.

However, he was out, and it was upto the Unscarred Generation to get us through. I like Kohli. He has attitude - shit happens is just a few notches below we are performers at a circus for my favourite candid comment from a cricketer - and he has the ability. With experience, he can be a future leader. And Gambhir. With his advances down the pitch like a rampaging anaemic bull with ADD. He was brilliant, but it was upsetting that he threw it all away on 97. More than his century, I raged, he's allowed Sri Lanka a window of opportunity. But then Yuvraj came to join Dhoni, and I sat in my living room with my grandmother - nobody else, just the two of us, sweating because neither of us dared to get up and switch on the fan lest another wicket fell - and we hoped and prayed and watched.

What can I say about Dhoni? For me, one of the sour points of this tournament was that Dhoni'd had a very average tourney with the bat. It nagged me like a particularly persistent insect at the back of my brain. But I told myself he'll come through when it matters. It seemed like a selfish thing to wish for, that Dhoni get in and play big, match-winning innings, that I rarely discussed it with anybody else. But the hope lived on in my heart.

He delivered better than I ever thought he would in the final.

To cope with all those expectations, in anticipation of the massive backlash he'd receive for his selection decisions and strategic moves if he failed, to deal with humidity and noise and chronic back pain - at one point, he looked scarily like he couldn't move another inch - to do all this with the poise and grace that has become uniquely his - no amount of 'ice' and 'cool' metaphors can do justice, sorry - and hit the winning runs with that trademark shot for six (how many times has he finished off a chase with a six for us in his career?)... wow. I salute you, Mahi. It's not like I needed another reason to hero-worship you, but you were brilliant.

Brilliance. That's all I can say. Like a thousand brightly burning suns.

I screamed during the winning moment. Not for long, though. Not even as much as I screamed for our win over Pakistan. After that, I hugged my grandmother and sat down and watched the celebrations and heard the fireworks and grinned and grinned like my face would split open. And the only thought in my head was:

We did it. We did it, this time.

Grammatically speaking

2011-04-01T04:24:00.000-07:00

... you're wrong, Mahi.

Double-negative? Seriously?

Also, nice tongue-in-cheek, cricinfo.

A Measured Post

2011-03-31T04:39:00.000-07:00

Now that I've given myself enough time to recover from the India-Pakistan encounter, I think I can manage a decent-enough post building up to tomorrow's final. Or manage some level of coherency at any rate. In case you do want my reaction, which involved much CAPSLOCK and fangirling, you can check it out here.

Now. Tomorrow, India v Sri Lanka for the ultimate glory in the cricketing world: the world cup. I think it kinda fits, you know? Over the last three years, if there's been one constant, it's been: there's an India v Sri Lanka match 'round the corner. Right from the Asia Cup in 2008 - or is it even before? Our history goes way back, but I'll start with 2007.

In early '07, we played a four match bilateral with SL in India before the World Cup, which we won 3-1. We kicked their asses, I remember. However, it was SL that broke a billion hearts when we lost to them and crashed unceremoniously out of the '07 WC. Then the Asia Cup in '08, where we were on a high, rebuilding and recovering, just having beat the World Champions in their own freakin' backyard and destroying the Lankans on the way. We had a completely in-form, frighteningly awesome line-up. And yet in the final? We crumbled to Mendis' carrom-ball. Score to SL.

The Mendis nightmare continued as we toured them later that year. He bamboozled the likes of Dravid and Laxman and Ganguly as SL cruised to a Test series win. However, we came back and won the ODI series 3-2. I don't think it's possible ever to underestimate how important this win was. Almost as big as the CB series win. For me, this is where the Indian team began to show that it had the guts for a right royal scrap. This was as much a defining moment in recent Indian cricketing history as any other.

Then. Another ODI bilateral in early '09, 4-1 to India. SL touring India later that year, Tests and ODIs, both going to India. Then we tour them in '10, drawing the Tests and winning the ODIs.

In between. Five tournament finals: Asia Cup '08 (SL), Compaq Cup 'o9 (Ind), tri-series final in Bangladesh '10 (SL), Asia Cup '10 (Ind), the Micromax tri-series with New Zealand '10 (SL).

That's a lot of cricket in less than three years. I remember a lot of exasperation everytime yet another series was announced, and I even wrote a parody-piece about it. And to think that the biggest tournament in cricket also culminates in an India-Sri Lanka final? Is it the same old yet another, yet another? Can we expect things to be different this time? Especially when these teams know each other inside-out?

Let's have a look at SL's performances leading up to the finals. Well. I don't remember much of SL's matches this tournament, because they've been so efficient. I honestly can't remember a goddamn thing from their group matches, except their middle order had a funny propensity to make life tough for them. Huge wins against Kenya, Canada... a loss to Pakistan, I remember, their only aberration... a washed-out match against the Aussies... then? A win against New Zealand, I think? And Zimbabwe? I honestly can't remember without looking it up, because their campaign has been so unremarkable. Most of their plans have worked, and worked well.

Clinical wins against England and New Zealand in the quarters and semis, and you have to say Sri Lanka have peaked, yeah?

That's the funny thing. I can point out a particular stage in the tournament where each team has peaked, and say, "yep. That's about as good as they can get." Sri Lanka are in that stage right now. Dilshan on song, Sangakkara and Jayawardene in form, Malinga, Murali (if fit), Herath/Randiv/Mendis... everybody chipping in. Rosy picture? I think so.

But what's funny about it, you ask? Well, the only team that hasn't reached this 'peak' stage is India. In every match you get the feeling India is performing sub-optimally, doing just enough to get the job done. Our first match against Bangladesh is probably the closest we've gotten to playing to our potential. Is that scarily awesome, or scarily worrying? I don't know. But that we've gotten all the way to the final despite not being at our best adds some credence to India's apparent strategy of saving their best for the last. Maybe they don't want to get burnt-out before the Big One. God knows we've done that before.

A fairly comfortable win against Bangladesh, a hair-rending tie with England, wins against Ireland and Netherland, both games in which we made our chases a little complicated because of overconfidence at the top, then that last over loss to South Africa, and finishing off our group with another good win against the West Indies. A well-fought quarterfinal encounter with Australia... and then the win over Pakistan in the semi.

About the game...

I will not lie to you, I looked forward to that game like it was my next breath. I mean, I don't know how much of it is the media hype; I don't watch news channels anymore, particularly during a major cricket tournament. But even so: that morning I woke up and the first thing I thought was oh my GOD today's India v Pakistan! And then: oh my god today's my mom's birthday better go run and wish her. But, yeah. I was super-excited.

The match lived up to my expectations. A team is only as strong as its weakest link, so while everybody went on and on about how it was Pakistan bowling v Indian batting, the real battle was between the Indian bowlers and the Pakistani batsmen. And guess what? The bowlers won. It is very special, considering how handicapped the attack was without a second specialist spinner, and that neither Nehra nor Patel had exactly covered themselves with glory in the previous matches. But they came good, and that's just this Indian team all over again: they falter and they fight, but by god, they won't just lie down and take whatever crap's dished to them.

(A note of appreciation here: I raged and raged when I learned that Ashwin had been dropped for the game. The Nehra choice worked very well - he bowled superbly - and Dhoni could've just grinned and soaked up the "oh he's such an intuitive captain" praise. But he didn't. He had the balls to admit that he made a mistake in reading the pitch, and that he ought to have gone in with two spinners, while still appreciating Nehra and Munaf's efforts.)

A lot of talk's going around that it was more a case of Pakistan losing than India winning the game. They dropped Sachin Tendulkar four times, they say. That's criminal! Perhaps. If Sachin'd gone, what's to say Yuvraj wouldn't have performed? What about Kohli? What if Raina had gotten a longer stint? What if Dhoni'd settled in earlier? Maybe if Sachin'd gotten out early, would we be looking at a 280+ score? 220? Can anybody say for sure?

Ultimately, India took its chances better than Pakistan did. Isn't that all about what cricket is? Isn't a pitting of skill against skill? Particularly considering it's a no-contact sport and you're freakin banned if you so much as touch shoulders with an opponent player. India batted better, India bowled better, India caught better! End of story! Why undermine the performance?

I have to say, though, that the Pakistanis did have a great tournament (apart from a few mad overs against NZ) and Afridi was fantastic and super-gracious in defeat. That, though, brings me to one last grouse:

It is best exemplified by this article by Aakash Chopra.

Look, I've never been a fan of the guy. I can't judge his cricket-related articles - not my area of expertise - and I've heard they're pretty good, which, hey. Great for him. But this one? So much more broad-based - too broad-based, in fact, and I think have sufficient authority to comment on it.

"Is this really patriotism?" he asks in the title. No, Aakash, it's jingoism. Welcome to the party. You're, uh, about 60 years late.

The support for the Indian team bordered on crass, he says. Again: where have you been all these years? Then:

In fact, now that we have beaten Pakistan it's considered okay if we lose to Sri Lanka in the final, for we have been avenged. Don't you find it strange? What does it tell you about our evolution as a responsible nation?

Oh god no - pop!sociology or whatever the hell he's attempting. No, Aakash, don't do it!

Then:

Post independence and the division of the country, we just carried forward the same sentiment i.e. sport being the vehicle to assert supremacy. The relations between India and Pakistan remained sour for the longest time. We've fought wars and still continue to have other equally important issues plaguing us. Yet, there's enough reason to believe that we as people, have matured and come a long way in trimming down that animosity, especially via Bollywood and numerous other cultural exchanges, perhaps reiterating time and again that the rivalry is only political. Or at least I'd like to believe that India has definitely evolved and has become a responsible nation. Unfortunately though, all it took was a cricket match to topple that process of evolution. Are we not, in a sense, pushing ourselves back a 100 years?

Just look at that. Look at the histrionics there. I thought I was a drama-llama. "topple that process of evolution"... "pushing ourselves back 100 years"... it's a cricket match, man! Stop attaching more importance to it! You're kind of defeating your own case, y'know.

If there are issues between India and Pakistan now, it's got to do with a little something called "terrorism". I'm sure you've heard? It's got nothing to do with a bunch of guys in coloured pyjamas knocking a ball around.

Also: dude. Sport has always been a source of crass jingoism! Sport is not like real life, where there are a million shades of grey and there are no absolutes. In sport, there are a definite set of rules, a clear playing field, and a definite winner and loser at the end of it all. If we let ourselves go as far as sport is concerned, should it be considered a devolution of intelligence on our part? Bollywood and cultural exchanges are fine, but on the playing field, it's always going to be an Us v Them, and it's always going to bring out our basest instincts. This is the case with every high-profile rivalry out there. Or have you not been evolving with the times? It's a global village! Keep an eye out for crowd reactions every where.

Then he vies for our sympathy, by describing the pressure felt by a player during these kinds of matches. He talks of the reactions of fans and how the players fear them, citing the vandalising of Kaif's house in '03 and the super-hype that the Pakistan tour of '04 got as examples. "We are humans too," he says. "Will we be the nation's pariah just because we couldn't win a game of cricket?" No, just win the next one and you'll be their darling again.

Okay, I don't have much against this part. The pathos is heartfelt and completely understandable. I can't imagine how it must be to have millions of hopes hinging on every move you make on the field.

Then he ends it so:

It's about time that we, as a nation, answer these questions. Are we going to behave like this every time we play Pakistan? If we detest them so much, it may not be a bad idea to severe all cricketing ties with them, for a cricket match can't be used as a benchmark to prove our superiority as a nation. Every time we behave like the way we did this time, it pulls us down as a responsible nation. The choice is ours.

Oh, is it, Mr. Chopra. What exactly did we do? We detest them? Really? We're looking at cricket matches as our only parameter of success against them? India and Pakistan have a lot of history between them, and the antagonism comes from wounds far, far deeper than any random cricket match. Like everything else, every place else, emotion is allowed free rein on the field. We scream and shout and hate and love, and at the end of the day we go home and sleep and go to work the next day. So don't boil everything down to a cricket match, Aakash. You're kinda shooting yourself in the foot.

Also, one of the most memorable India-Pakistan incidents is the standing ovation the Pakistani team got from the Chennai crowd in '99. Or more recently, when we gave the second-biggest cheer of the night to the Pakistani contingent (after our own athletes) in the Commonwealth games opening ceremony. Maybe you could take those incidents and spin a spiel about how close India and Pakistan actually are, huh?

Oh, god. I went completely off-track, huh.

Anyway, tomorrow? Has every chance of being India's day. I remember watching this ad and thinking how appropriate it was. Notice the man wearing the Dhoni jersey and walking the tightrope. He falls off at one point, and the crowd gets worried and anxious. Collective gasp. But he hangs on to the wire, hauls himself back on, and continues walking, much to the relief of the crowd.

I thought: that's India. That's the Indian team in a nutshell.

A night of cricketing cliches

2011-03-25T21:24:00.001-07:00

This video's been inescapable over the last week, and I finally checked it out last night:

OK, look. There's a lot of rhapsodising about Chennai's civility, their, um, intellectual culture, all that jazz, and yeah. I've heard it all before. It's not that I didn't like it - rhapsodising about Chennai is one of my favourite pasttimes; Chennai is the only place I will ever love in or about India - but it's the same old cliches of the urban elite. Being involved in the pre-election circus as we are now, it's hard to believe anyone can call us evolved from the tree-jumping forms we used to be, leave alone "the most civilised metro in India". Granted, the only other "metros" I've been to in India are Bangalore, Hyderabad and Delhi - so if that's true, what does it say for the rest of the Indian urban life?

We South Indians are just more paranoid. That's it. We live a 'just in case' culture that has both its advantages and disadvantages.

Am I being lazy in generalising, you ask? To that, I tell you, sir, "Hypocrite!"

Also, I kept an eye on the SA v NZ match yesterday. Right from Amla's freak dismissal, I knew NZ were in with a chance. Did I expect such a dramatic collapse from the Saffers? Not really. I don't know what to say, except, look! Another cricketing cliche: the Saffers' bad luck when it comes to big-tournament crunch-games.

Did you know--

2011-03-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

That the English cricket team once used a bowling machine called Merlyn?

What, it's totally relevant. I came across it while researching Arthurian legend, on Wikipedia.

Why Arthurian legend, you ask? Well, knowledge for knowledge's sake, and all that jazz.

Seriously. Don't you have a hobby of link-hopping on Wikipedia? Once, I started off looking up colon cancer, and ended up reading about the Czar lineage in Russia. It's awesome fun. :D

What? There's a World Cup going on? India v Australia Q/F?

BAH.

Oh, what do we do with them?

2011-03-20T01:33:00.001-07:00

~ The hills are alive
with the sound of muuuusiiiic.... ~

Play with the same freedom today and forever, guys, and there's nothing you can't do.

To be honest, I wanted to skim this. (Yes, I'm aware I'm being ironic.)

2011-03-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

I've been lining up a few articles to take apart on this blog, and you'd think - given my oft-professed hero-worship of one Mahendra Singh Dhoni - that this one on Dhoni's captaincy by Ms Ugra would be on my list. You wouldn't be wrong, but, baaah. I don't know. I skimmed it - Dhoni's methods are instinctual, he should play more safe, Piyush Chawla Yusuf Pathan blah blah blah with some tangential yet cheeky references to his love of video-gaming and adventure sports (good god, woman, cricket captains have had worse hobbies in the past!). Ms Ugra's halfway snarky style also is not terribly becoming for the kind of sports writer she's supposed to be - I kind of want to keep saying, "A ha! Your grudge is showing, Ms. Ugra!" or "I C WHUT U DID THAR." as I read her stuff.

To me, it's just another example of the outpouring of the doubts that're emerging at this point in India's World Cup campaign. Oooh, Dhoni's haphazard approach to his team's composition has led to our ruin! Our ruin, I say! It's annoying, but par for the course. I trust my team. Even tomorrow, they can put up a crushing performance and these people will be falling over their feet in their rush for the thesauri to pen all the hyperbolic praises they can cook up. In the seven short years that I've been following cricket seriously, I've seen and heard enough to be pretty damn jaded.

HOWEVER.

I'm bored, and it's been a long time since I've really vented, so! I'm forcing myself to have a more in-depth look at Ms Ugra's article. *deep breath* Nothing for it. HEEERE we go. *pinches nose, takes the plunge*

The article is titled, "Is there madness in Dhoni's method?" Y'know, if you wanted to play on that expression, I'd've preferred a "to" instead of "in", but whatever. Nit-picking.

She starts off talking about a World Cup advert. Um, okay? There're about 43.8 billion of them on TV right now, but turns out she's talking about the one that goes, "The team doesn't win just like that, you've got to make it win." She then says:

Should Dhoni turn his attention away from his favourite off-field pastime of video-gaming and watch the advert, it might sound like an instruction directed at him as well.

Ahahahahaha. I must confess I haven't seen that ad, either, and my favourite past-time is watching cricket. But, hey. Whatever. It does sound like something the ad-people'll cook up this time of the year, so I concede that point. Also, not sure what to make of the reference to his love for video-gaming, or the fact that she makes some random ad sound like a freakin political documentary, but "instruction directed to him as well"? I'm not... sure what she means. Should Dhoni start inserting control chips into his players' minds so that he can make them play exactly according to his plans? Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Dhoni does fantasise about doing exactly that, given how much of a control freak he is.

She then talks about how his captaincy has been a smooth ride so far, relatively wrinkle-free. Well. Nothing succeeds like success, and all that jazz. But now, she says, NOW:

Now, suddenly, over the course of a few weeks of the World Cup, creases are beginning to show both in the Indian team and its captain. India's World Cup is still alive, but already gloomy calculations are being made as to how their place in the quarter-finals is actually not secure. For the first time since his oxygen-depleting ascent, neither is Dhoni's as captain. On Sunday against West Indies in Chennai, he will be watched closer than he has been in a long time.

I kind of want to dig up articles from the '09 controversy over the T20 WC. Y'know, the bits about the so-called Dhoni-Sehwag spat? That epic, infamous press-conference? Then the tournament itself, where his every decision of his was criticised roundly (including, I think, by Ms Ugra herself)? Or, going even further back, his decision to skip the Tests during the '08 Sri Lanka tour? Hell, even Kumble has publically disapproved of that decision, going on record saying that he believed India'd've won that series had Dhoni played. What about the '10 T20 WC tournament? What about the '09 Champions Trophy? What about his decision to play Ashwin instead of Bollinger in the Super Over in the '10 Champions League - another decision not a lot of people were happy with? What about his SOOPER-SEKRIT marriage? What about the time where he was alleged to have threatened to resign if the selectors didn't include RP Singh in the squad?

That stuff is just off the top of my head. I understand that his campaign has been much smoother compared to say, Sourav Ganguly, Rahul Dravid, Azharuddin - hell, any Indian captain, but looking at normal captaincy standards? That's pretty stressful. This is NOT the first time he and his methods have been criticised and doubted from all quarters, and it definitely will not be the last.

Then:

As startling as Dhoni's message may have been to his batsmen who played "for the crowd" on Saturday, it has not surprised them. Nor has it sent them, the India faithful will be relieved to hear, into despair or doubt. It is what Dhoni's modus operandi has always been: to speak directly, briefly and non-confrontationally to players; let them know what he believes needs to be done. In media briefings he does most of the same, but can frequently be snippy. Always, though, he will laboriously explain why he changed the batting or bowling order, chose to bat or chase, and then offer philosophical observations about hybrid fuel and life jackets.

Sweet mother of God.

I was a little surprised at the "play for the country, not the crowd" quote, too - ready with lame-ass snark about "what, people in the crowd are not part of the country, now?" but I do get what he means. The lower order seems too ready to give in to the lures of showmanship - particularly when the top order has been successful - instead of putting their head down and acknowledging when the going has gotten tough. It calls for a level of maturity that is admittedly tough to attain, especially since everybody starts complaining and whining loudly about it. Dhoni wants his batsmen to show that maturity. It makes sense.

"he has been frequently snippy"... ladies and gentlemen, I do believe we have out first "your grudge is showing!" moment. From what I've seen of Dhoni's press conferences (which, admittedly, is not much), he makes it a point to answer everything with a smile, even if he isn't forthcoming about everything. He has a cheeky way of avoiding stuff he doesn't/can't answer, and I have almost never seen him snap at any journalist/interviewer, no matter what the provocation. He doesn't drown himself in long-winded, pseudo-polite cliches, like, say, Rahul Dravid; neither does he go the "look at me! Aren't I measured and INTELLIGENT?" route of Kumara Sangakkara. If anything, he can be disarmingly to-the-point. And, as we know, reporters need vague fodder to misinterpret.

Oooh, and look, snark. I agree that Dhoni's philosophy can be bafflingly amusing sometimes, but they're harmless. And sometimes show a hell of a lot of insight. Plus, he's amazingly quotable, which I absolutely love about him.

Then she talks about some of his decisions in the World Cup so far: the ones that've provoked the most debate. The insistence on playing Piyush Chawla, for one. Yeah, yeah, I've criticised that decision roundly right from the beginning, but Dhoni has his reasons, as baffling and stupid as they are. I agree. The PC-over-Ashwin thing is a total brain-fade on the captain's part, not to mention Kirsten and the rest of the team management.

She also mentions a couple of decisions in the Nagpur match against the Saffers: the whole promoting Yusuf Pathan thing, and also choosing Nehra to bowl the final over. 'Kay. I dislike YP tremendously, but that's beside the point - he's in the team as a pinch-hitter. Period. Dhoni doesn't even ask him to bowl much; hell, Yuvraj Singh is ranked higher as a bowler, and gets mnany more overs. So, with 8-9 overs to go, several wickets in hand, Batting PP in progress, run-rate comfortably over 6.5, a guy who's been known to hit sixes at will, a guy who's had a lot of success recently against this very opposition - YOU DO THE MATH.

About Nehra bowling the final over - I remember going, "oh no. OH NO. Baaaad decision. BAAAD DECISION" at the TV while watching Dhoni hand the ball over to Nehra. Just a few minutes prior, I'd been willing to bet anything that Bhajji'd bowl the final over. Why?

1. He was smack-dab in the middle of a great spell
2. He was bowling three-four-run overs to batsmen in the slog overs even when his colleagues were getting hammered at the other end
3. It was Nehra's first match after an injury layoff.
4. Nehra had looked nowhere close to his best at any point in the match
5. NEHRA WAS NOT EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF A SPELL. I swear to God! Zaheer finished his 10 over quota with the 49th over, bowling in tandem with Harbhajan. Bhajji had one more left in his kitty. Logic says "Harbhajan, you goddamn idiots!", but Dhoni had other ideas.

I get it, Nehra's experience in these kinds of last-over humdingers factored in Dhoni's reasoning. But what the hell, man? Don't play safe! If you'd taken a chance and gone for the spinner in the last over against a couple of bloodthirsty and desperate batsmen, there's a good chance we might've had a different result now!

I'll be expanding on this point after the next quote.

Until now Dhoni's has been captaincy by instinct over method, his own school of reasoning, and like with most captains once they gain greater control of their team, a healthy dose of obstinacy. In the last four years of his captaincy in the short game, if Dhoni had to be asked what was India's best ODI performance under his leadership, he would be choosing between the early CB Series win of 2008, an Asia Cup victory, or bilateral series wins in New Zealand and West Indies. Not such a tough choice, is it?

This "instinct-over-method" thing is a myth that irritates me every time I see/hear/read it. How is it so goddamn "instinctual" when you just said that he explains each and every decision in meticulous detail? Seriously, people! If anything, I believe that Dhoni reasons out his decisions way, way too much. He comes out to play with detailed plans in his head, and if it looks like it's not working, he builds - and executes - more plans. Not for him the "aah, whatever. Let's see what happens if I push this button." He's likely worked out every possibility, including contingency plans for if the button turns out to be a trigger for a nuclear-device. Sometimes, he just needs to say "whatever" to that brain of his and go with his gut.

"Obstinacy" - only recently? Dude, he's been a control-freak right from the beginning, and he's deeply possessive about his team - which can be a good thing and a bad thing. What about the time he insisted that seniors like Dravid and Ganguly should be dropped from the team to blood more youngsters? He was barely six months into his captaincy!

I have very, very fond memories of the CB series win - I rank it above the '07 T20 win, above the Asia Cup, above every damn thing India's won so far - hell, the crowning moment from that series is my banner for this blog. But that line's unfair to India's progress as a team over the last four years. We've won every bilateral series except the last, reached more finals than I can count, and are you forgetting the series win against SL in '08. Given the circumstances under which that came, I rank it much, much higher than our '10 Asia Cup win.

Besides, what was the point of that sentence, Ms Ugra? Dhoni's arrogance and obstinacy is somehow preventing India from winning tournaments? Their winning patterns haven't changed a bit over the last four years.

Now Dhoni's decisions, made using both reason and instinct, are backfiring often because their basic premises may be incorrect. Why should the cotton-woolling of Chawla not be interpreted as cricket's version of babysitting? [...] Or how about No. 4 being Virat Kohli's sacrosanct spot, before or after which he should ideally not be sent? Kohli is 22. Should he not be running loose wherever and whenever he is sent? Yuvraj Singh has spent all but 41 matches of his ODI career flitting between Nos. 4, 5 and 6, Rahul Dravid has kept wicket in ODIs, Sourav Ganguly broke one of the most successful ODI partnerships for India to go down to No. 3, Virender Sehwag went from being a middle-order batsman to an opener who has redefined the Test-match art itself.

Chawla is being babysat, and it sucks. I don't disagree. But it looks like that's ended, and Ashwin's comin' back, which, yay. \o/

The rest of the paragraph is giving me a headache. What IS that sentence about Virat Kohli? I don't know if my reading comprehension has broken down, or if it really makes little to no sense. Is she saying the team ought to be more flexible? Is that it? From the obligatory comments on Dravid and Ganguly, that's kind of what I can deduce. Whatever.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU, MS. UGRA. One of the main complaints regarding Kohli was that he wasn't being sent in at number four often enough! He's not a pinch-hitter, he's not the kind of batsman that Yuvraj and Dhoni are - he's the type of fussy top-order player who needs to be assured of an early enough spot in the batting order where he can settle in and work his mojo. Have you seen him at 3 and 4 over the last year? No. 4 is the only option available to him, given Sehwag, Sachin and Gambhir practically walk into nos 1, 2 and 3! I mean, weren't you just complaining about YP being pushed up and down? Or Dhoni employing himself as a floater? Dhoni has said about a billion times that he wants this order to be as flexible as possible, to match with the game-situation.

Then - OH GOD WHAT IS THIS.

To move Yusuf Pathan up the order in a match against one of the best attacks in the World Cup on a wicket that was stopping was again based on a formula that the openers had given the platform and the pace of the innings needed to be amped up. [...] Against Ireland, Pathan (30 off 24 balls, two fours three sixes) was pitch perfect. Against Dale Steyn in the Powerplay, he should have been the last option. Like all captains Dhoni also has his players of choice who are given more licence, and his team recognises instinctively who those players are. Unfortunately for Dhoni his captaincy has not coincided with the discovery of new match-winners, like those found under Sourav Ganguly, for example.

I don't know, I guess the batting order was bein' flexible when they decided to push YP up the order? Aaaalso, let me remind you of YP's recent history: against the very same opposition, the very same 'he's-so-goddamn-unplayable' Dale Steyn, in said opposition's home ground, he has played match-winning innings! Even when the rest of 'em: Tendulkar, Yuvraj, Dhoni, what-have-you, had failed. How quick we are to forget. It was worth a shot, at any rate.

Also, the nonsense with "players of choice"... "given more licence." Suuure. Dhoni plays favourites every now and then. What a shock. Hold me, I think I'm going to faint.

Another underhanded comparison with Sourav Ganguly aside, Dhoni hasn't found matchwinners? Seriously? He's not nurtured the progress of Gautam Gambhir? He's not propped up Yuvraj Singh, unleashed the bowler within him? Virat Kohli? What the hell are you going on about? It's a great disservice to these players to say that they haven't been giving match-winning performances over the last few years, and to think that the budding players under Dhoni's captaincy can't blossom into match-winners later.

No, really. Think about it. You call Dhoni a Ganguly-discovery. But apart from the 148 against Pak, he only started to come into his own under Dravid, and only under his own captaincy did he grow into his potential! Yuvraj? Was going nowhere, until Dhoni gave him a bit of rope. Ditto to Harbhajan. And Irfan Pathan? Yeeeah, right. Who else? Ashish Nehra? Has just come from the wilderness. Zaheer Khan? Terribly erratic before he finally decided to get his butt over to England and play a couple of seasons of county cricket. Mohammad Kaif? I laugh at you.

When a captain's instinct starts to head off in a direction where things do not go the way he wants, they sometimes overwhelm and undermine reason.

She provides the example of Harbhajan not being allowed to bowl immediately at Duminy, despite Duminy's weakness against the former. That's not a failure of instinct; that's Dhoni being too rigid, like I've said before.

THEN she discusses the Harbhajan v Nehra decision for the last over in Nagpur:

The decision between Nehra and Harbhajan Singh became a 50-50 toss-up, with the spinner offering to bowl the 49th so that the team's most nerveless bowler, Zaheer Khan, could send down the 50th. If the 49th goes well - like it did for the Indians against South Africa in Nagpur, where Zaheer conceded four - the man bowling the 50th at least has a buffer. So far it had gone to Dhoni's plan. Nehra was the moment Dhoni gambled, because he has been India's best ODI bowler over the last year, the go-to man at the death.
[...]

Nehra has bowled the final over for India four times in his career, the two now forgotten instances being Karachi, the first ODI of the electric 2004 India-Pakistan series and against West Indies in a 2005 tri-series in Colombo, which took India to the final. Nagpur was the first time India lost. Before the World Cup he had taken 73 wickets since his comeback into the Indian team in June 2009. Why should Dhoni not have gone to him? Other than the fact that he may not have been warmed up not having bowled for 12 overs. It was a logical gamble that didn't work. Pathan and Chawla are the illogical gambles - they were perhaps doomed to tank.

(I can never forget that Karachi match, btw. Fond, fond memories. That Kaif catch to dismiss Abdul Razzaq, the way he smashed into Hemang Badani, practically tripped over his face but still managed to hold on to the ball? EPIC.)

I'm glad you have given it the Seal of Logical Approval, but this works against your argument that YP should not have been promoted. Wasn't Dhoni going by history there too? How are the two decisions different? Shouldn't Dhoni have been a little more reckless and thought about giving Harbhajan the final over?

We finally come to the end of the article:

As much as Dhoni wants his batsmen to "curb their instincts", it is the best time for his leadership to internalise the same message. Since his debut for India in 2004, he has changed his batting to eliminate risk, yet he will not bat higher up the order as Ganguly repeatedly beseeches him to do in both commentary and column. He has a better average and 100-plus strike rate batting at either No. 3 or 4, but has done so in only 32 of 162 innings. His keeping has vastly improved from the 2007 version, and he still remains one of India's better runners between wickets. The match versus West Indies may have to mark the moment that his leadership evolves in a different direction. Or it could take a route he would rather not contemplate.

Um. Y'know, I want to see Dhoni up the order, too. I really do. Who will he have to displace, then? Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, even Kohli - outta the question. Yuvraj? I don't know, he does play you-go-first-I-go-first a lot with Yuvraj, mostly when he wants a right-left combo in the middle. Thing is, it's a much tougher decision than it looks on the outside. He's fashioning himself as a finisher - the guy with the levellest head in the team, the guy who can come in, take stock of things and play according to it. To whom else can he entrust this role? YP? I don't think so.

Yeah, the match against the Windies is going to be pretty important. Probably not for the same reasons that a lot of people think, but yeah. Whatcha gonna do, Mahi? Throw caution to the winds for once?

(Hint: PLAY ASHWIN!)

WHAT IN THE WORLD -

2011-03-09T00:42:00.000-08:00

Dear MSD,

Hi there. Big, big fan here. I mean, I like to be pretty objective about cricketers in general, but I have never been able to criticise you. So, yeah. I like and admire you a lot, and I try and defend your every single decision, even if sometimes they boggle the mind - because, hey, you can't argue with that stellar captaincy record, yeah?

HOWEVER.

What the friggin hell were you thinking, choosing Chawla over Ashwin today? Chawla was utter and complete crap against friggin Ireland on a track where YUVRAJ SINGH, part-time galore, picked up FIVE WICKETS for next-to-nothing, and you've got a perfectly good and fit specialist spinner in your squad, and you still pick Chawla?

Ashwin has played under you for several matches, has been your key player in winning two tournaments in a single year, and you still pick Chawla?

Ashwin can bowl maidens in the Powerplay overs in twenty20 matches to the likes of Adam Gilchrist and Sachin Tendulkar and you still pick Chawla?

Ashwin has proven himself to be an even better lower-order batsman than Chawla - just ask Tamil Nadu in the last domestic season - and you still pick Chawla?

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

"Compared to Ashwin, Chawla needs more practice so we decided to play him today. Ashwin is mentally stronger, and it doesn't matter against whom he comes in, he will do well."

OH, I SEE. SO ASHWIN CAN JUST BE KICKED TO THE WAYSIDE WHILE YOU INDULGE THE CRAP-PERFORMER.

What the hell, Mahi. What the hell.

Yours in furious bewilderment,
M.

EDIT:

Dhoni explains further.

[Dhoni] said he had been pleased with Chawla's performance against Netherlands - he had bowled with a "lot more freedom" - and reminded the world of Chawla's emotional career history. We should remember, he said, that Chawla had made his debut "quite early... he was still a teenager. He comes back in the side in a big tournament like this and people all over try to criticise him from left to right, so you can imagine his state of mind. So I think it was a very crucial game for him."

Dhoni explained that Ashwin, two years older, was not quite so fragile. "I know he is mentally very tough and up for a challenge or competition. It is good to have someone in the reserves who has mental stability." Ashwin's composure is clearly being seen as an investment that would be cashed in on during the knock-out stages while, in the early half of the World Cup, India wants to spread the equilibrium around.
"You want your bowlers to be in a very good mental state in the second half of the tournament, where you play against the best teams and you will be participating in the knock-out stages - that was one of the main reasons why we picked Piyush ahead of Ashwin." By doing so, Dhoni said the Indians were set for an ideal scenario knowing that the bowling now could be changed on situational demand.

God save us from the pop-psychologists in cricketing garb.

Apparently Ashwin's so-called mental stability will compensate for the rustiness and tension he is bound to feel when he is unceremoniously thrust into a knock-out game and expected to run through the opposition line-up. And if he doesn't? All the blame's on him.

Thanks a lot, Mahi. You might want to re-check your psychology degree.

Now, seriously.

2011-03-05T19:39:00.001-08:00

IF I HEAR/READ ONE MORE CRACK ABOUT CHENNAI'S WEATHER, I'M GOING TO START THROWING PUNCHES.

Seriously, people. It's getting old. Have you ever been to Kochi? To Hyderabad? Hell, even to Delhi in the middle of summer?

Poor Chennai. It gets all the bad rep.

Reaching for the sky

2011-03-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

(from here)

I'm sorry. I think I just fell in love. ♥

100th post! \o/

2011-03-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

That's right. After two and a half years of much passion, procrastination, and intense love/hate, this blog has finally reached 100 posts. \o/

I was hoping to post something special, was hoping it would have to do with India, but right now? With Ireland having pulled off a Victory of (Pure) Awesomeness against England? I have to talk about it.

So I was talking about letting go of intensity and sitting back on a huge score, and - well, England certainly didn't seem guilty of that, at least in the beginning, skittling through Ireland's top-order, and at 111/5, I just yawned and thought "same old, same old" and switched off the TV. About half an hour later I was getting messages, asking me to watch O'Brien go after the English bowlers.

I did, and wow. I mean, WOW. It was the kind of innings that just seemed absolutely effortless; like a sort of cricketing Midas, every stroke that he played seemed to go over the ropes. And it wasn't like he was just throwing his bat at everything, oh no, there was a method to the madness, or perhaps a madness to the method, and when they took on the Batting Powerplay and unleashed hell on the English bowlers, it was a magnificent sight. Finally, a batting team that's used its Batting PP well! 62 runs came off five overs, and that turned around everything for Ireland.

That's not overshadowing Mooney's efforts at the end. He seemed determined to run his partners out, but his little cameo - not to mention Kusack's efforts with O'Brien - made sure Kevin's efforts meant something. This is the kind of temperament befitting a regular international team, people.

So, where now for Ireland? They play India on Sunday, and as much as I enjoyed Ireland's performance today, I'm definitely holding out for a big victory from India. Definitely Ireland'll be thinking, we can do this. They just completed the highest ever successful run-chase in World Cup history. They must be feeling like they can do anything. But where's the line between self-belief and heady over-confidence? That's something the Irish team will need to figure out over the weekend.

For now, though, celebration.

(As for England? I don't really feel sorry for them - seriously, I've found even Australia and Pakistan much easier to sympathise with, I have no idea why - but they've had a tough week. First that unexpectedly close win over Netherlands, the physically and emotionally sapping tie against India, then this loss against Ireland. And they've got a tough one against SA this Sunday, and the Saffers are looking like a million dollars, like possibly the best unit in the World Cup right now.)

So, this is kind of humiliating.

2011-03-02T04:59:00.000-08:00

I will not say much about our tie with England, since I screamed so much that night at the TV I woke up with a sore throat and almost lost my voice for a whole day. I do not have much else to expend regarding that match.

But! I will bring up some things that are related, though.

Today is the England v Ireland match. England were going great guns; looked set for 360, 370 maybe.

Guess what they ended up with? 327/8.

It doesn't matter that England are going to win, and win easily: what matters is that the Irish bowlers were able to restrict the lineup just as well, or even better, than India's much feted attack. I don't know about you, and I certainly mean no disrespect to the Irish team - they're pretty damn awesome - but still. Isn't that a bit humiliating? A teensy little bit, maybe?

I think out of all the verbal diarrhoea that Sunday's match inspired, this article by Kumble just sums it up. Just look at what he has to say:

The lessons for India are clear: On a good pitch, their main strike bowlers, Zaheer Khan and Harbhajan Singh, must deliver, like they have on numerous occasions. This time too, Zaheer turned the game around in the end, but, that also brings us to the other vital lesson: They cannot afford to relax.

I suspect India lost those quick wickets in the late middle-order because they felt they had enough runs. A similar attitude was apparent when they were fielding. It seemed like they just couldn't believe that any team would chase down 338.

That's it. That's all that needs to be said. It's perfect.

I wasn't the least bothered when our lower order imploded at the end of our innings while watching the match, because, hey? 338? More than defendable, right? Turns out the guys out there shared that viewpoint, and we were all proved wrong.

So can it all just come down to keeping up the intensity, then? I've seen this very bowling attack produce miracles. Hell, even on Sunday they nearly won us back the match after having taken it to the point of no return!

I don't know. But that, right up there? I'm in total agreement, and nothing more that can be said about this will ever ring truer, or even matter; it's all up the boys who turn out in blue over the next three weeks, and what they do.

The arrogant spectator

2011-02-25T05:32:00.000-08:00

So I read this article by Suresh Menon, and he makes a number of excellent points. I've rarely gone to the stadium myself, but it also put into my mind the last time I saw a match at the stadium: during IPL 2008, when CSK was playing DC at the MAC. It was one of only two games that DC won in an otherwise sad campaign, and Adam Gilchrist led the way with a nice fifty. I remember how the people around me stood up to applaud when he hit his fiftieth run - I was a little disgruntled, I remember, stubbornly remained sitting until I realised I was the only one in my section of the stadium - and I overheard the couple of guys sitting next to me saying, "it was worth coming here, just to see Gilchrist play like this." It wasn't even a terribly special innings - this was back in the days when CSK's bowling attack was wafer-thin and sucked horribly - but everybody thoroughly enjoyed the game, stayed right till the end, even when it was more than apparent that CSK was losing.

I know it doesn't speak for the majority, and an IPL match doesn't compare to the atmosphere of a proper international match, but I think I might've just felt a little proud of my city then. Just a little.

O.o

2011-02-25T02:46:00.001-08:00

*giggles*

Oh, we loves ODI, we loves ODI so much - no! We hate ODI, we hates ODI so much!

2011-02-24T00:42:00.000-08:00

So, okay, I don't really have the Gollum-voice, but you get the picture.

The World Cup's underway, and after the first week that consisted mostly of unremarkable minnow-bashing, people are still yawning and waiting for something good to come up. That might start today; after all, today, we have the Saffers taking on the Windies, and come this weekend, three very interesting matches: Aus v NZ, SL v Pak and, of course, the kicker: Ind v Eng on Sunday.

So: looking back at the first week of the World Cup, the trend seems to be the Test playing nations trampling all over the, uh, "minnow"-teams. The ICC has already decided to trim the participating nations down to ten next year, which means, there's not much scope or incentive in the future for the Associates. But hey, given the ass-whuppin' the Associates got over the past week, 'sall justified, right?

I disagree.

1. India v Bangladesh: look, what's this? 2001? Wake up! Bangladesh aren't minnows anymore: they're minnows with steroids. Force to be taken somewhat seriously, if not entirely reckoned with.

2. Kenya v everybody: I'm sorry. Forget I said anything. For being the semifinalists of the 2003 edition, the African team has been painful to watch this year. I mean, come on, their match against NZ lasted less than the duration of a regular T20 match! And it was in Chennai! And some people had the gall to say that the crowd was very thin for that match. Like I've said, if the circus performers have nothing to offer, the seats ain't gonna fill.

3. Australia v Zimbabwe: On paper, you'd think: yeah, the Zimbabweans did kind of put up a fight in the first innings. Pity they didn't have a better batting line-up. For the unfortunates like me who actually watched it on TV? SNORING AWAY, I TELL YOU. I didn't sign up to watch Shane Watson bat like Rahul Dravid on valium.

4. Sri Lanka v Canada: I have a couple of uncles in Canada. I tell 'em: try out for the Canadian cricket-team. All you need is to be born in the sub-continent, and have a half-way decent knowledge of how to play cricket. All said and done, though, I liked the Canadian team's attitude. They probably looked the most sprightly and enthusiastic of all the Associates thus far.

5. England v Netherlands: This was the one worthwhile match this whole week. I mean, it was pure gold. At first, England's shenanigans on the field, the Pietersen-Anderson gaffe, the Swann drop, the misfielding, negligent field placements - England were losing it. Sure, they won eventually, but Netherlands dragged it till the 49th over, and ten Doeschate was utterly magnificent. A century - AND THEN two wickets? Awesome.

Every match kind of exemplifies what's wrong and wonderful about this format, I think. But, really. Let the real World Cup begin, please?

... What.

2011-02-13T08:21:00.000-08:00

Apparently, today was India's first World Cup warm-up game. I have no idea how I wasn't aware of that (except, maybe I do.)

Turns out the following things happened:

1. Collective Batting Fail from the Indians as we slump to 138/8.

2. Pathan and Ashwin (yay!) contribute in propping us to a decent 214.

3. Aussies rampage to 118/1.

4. Piyush Chawla picks up a four-fer.

5. Australia bowled out for 176.

6. We win by 38 runs.

7. The next warm-up is in Chennai.

What in the world is going on, people. Yet another win in this fashion... if anybody needs me, I'll be in that corner trying to recover from whiplash.

Facetiously uptight

2011-01-20T04:39:00.000-08:00

Right. Now that Yusuf Pathan came out of nowhere and played a match-winning hand in South Africa, I think we've pretty much established that this series? Is totally awesome. I'm not a fan of YP, have never been (but given the choice is between Jadeja and YP, I'd go with the latter any day), but stuff like this is what ultimately makes the game so interesting.

I trawled through cyberspace for some good match reports (because for some reason I am just not able to stay up beyond 11 PM these past few weeks) when I stumbled across this.

While reading it, I was mostly annoyed and maybe a little amused (go figure) but guess who wrote it? Ayaz Memon. The dude who gave us the running commentary during the IPL auction and whose writing I used to like once upon a time. I have since lost a lot of respect for his 'expert opinion' after he became one of the yammering heads on TV, appearing in nearly every other match preview/review show, hobnobbing with the likes of Arun Lal and Navjot Singh Sidhu (and Sameer Kocchar!). IMO, nobody can come out of that without being tainted.

That said, the article was still annoying, and I want to pick apart a few points. He talks about the selection of the Indian squad for the World Cup, and how he thinks it's flawed. It's titled "Don't discount luck. And, oh, positive energy." Straight away, a laboured attempt at dismissive snark. Not working, Mr. Memon. You're trying too hard already.

This is how it starts off:

The vicissitudes of life could not have been made evident to Rohit Sharma and S. Sreesanth more dramatically than through the events of the past few days. In the Indian Premier League (IPL) auctions, Sharma fetched $2.1 million (Rs9.5 crore) from Mumbai Indians and Sreesanth raked in just under a million dollars as the talismanic player for the Kochi franchise.

A little over a week later, however, both these talented young players found themselves in the rubbish heap after the Indian team for the World Cup had been chosen. Do the IPL franchise owners know something about them that the Indian selectors don’t?

Let's see, now. Piyush Chawla, the other "surprising selection", raked in almost a million dollars in the IPL auction himself. No, I have no idea why all the franchises went after him, either. Pretty much like Sreesanth, eh?

Also, both Robin Uthappa and Jaidev Unadkat "raked in" a whole lot more money than, say, VVS Laxman and Ishant Sharma. Are you implying that means they are better? By using the IPL logic in a selection process for an event that is drastically different from the IPL, you have just shot yourself in the proverbial foot, Mr. Memon. Fail.

He then makes a couple of valid points about the team being short of a batsman. He suggests that the selectors ought to have gone with Dinesh Kaarthick or Parthiv Patel, who can serve the dual function of being an effective batsman, and reserve 'keeper. True enough. As I understand it, though, Chawla and Ashwin were included not just to add depth and variety to the attack, but also because of their all-round skills. I haven't seen much of this batting skills of theirs (although Ashwin did play a couple of crucial knocks for CSK in IPL 2010), but hey, what do I know. The selectors should have a much better idea. Still, I accept that as a good argument.

Then, the whole tone of the article changes:

Many serious cricket followers were not amused with chief selector Krishnamachari Srikkanth’s pleas to the public that they should send out positive vibes to the Indian team chosen for the World Cup.

[...]

Given the passion that cricket arouses in India, Srikkanth’s “everything’s fine, now let’s all create an aura of positive energy to win” seems like puerile mumbo-jumbo.

Because sports? Is SRS BSNZ, yo.

I mean, what the hell was that supposed to be? "serious cricket followers"... "not amused"... "puerile mumbo-jumbo". I thought sports is supposed to be about fun and positivity. Sure, it's become more of a business venture these days, and a very big option as an actual profession, but dude. Don't take a crap over a couple of fairly innocuous - if cliched - statements because the bowler you thought would be selected didn't make it!

Also, that was probably Srikkanth's way of saying, "look, we've selected who we thought were the 15 best men to represent the country in this shindig; you might as well go along with it." That's pretty much every selector's line, practically their prerogative, as much it is ours to criticise their selections. Why single out the man and his turn of phrase?

I say "single out" because Mr. Memon just does not stop going on and on about it:

Before I come to that, however, a bit about the man is in order. Srikkanth is among the more endearing cricketers I have known. He is unpretentious and chirpy, often brazen enough to call a spade a shovel and sometimes flippant enough to call a shovel a tablespoon.

(okay, I have to admit I love that last line)

When he became chief selector in late 2008, the appointment did not meet with universal validation in Indian cricket. I know of several of his peers who sniggered that he lacked the gravitas for the job.
[...]
I suspect this image was a hangover from his playing days. An engineer by qualification, Srikkanth was anything but precision-driven in his approach in the middle.
[...]
Such thoughtlessness was seen to extend to most areas of his cricket. His carefree batting—imagine a watered down version of Virender Sehwag—was considered irresponsible even if it was exciting and his tenure as Test player earned him perhaps more censure than approval from critics and experts.
Mavericks were not readily endured in Indian cricket those days, but to be honest, Srikkanth lacked even half the consistency of Sehwag to convince his detractors otherwise. In limited overs cricket, he was a major player with his derring-do and arguably the most influential batsman after Kapil Dev in India’s 1983 World Cup triumph.
[...]
If the rapid rise of the Indian team in the International Cricket Council (ICC) rankings since he became chief selector is any indication, then perhaps the “positive energy” syndrome he talks about may have worked.

And all of that is important, why? And look at those descriptions - "watered-down version of Sehwag", "irresponsible even if it was exciting," "lacked even half the consistency of Sehwag" - wow, I can see you have a high opinion of the man. Also, isn't there supposed to be a selection committee? I don't know why people fail to mention the fact that there are supposed to be five other men who make the decisions too. Srikkanth makes himself an open target, I admit - he is just so in-your-face, cheerily loud and says really crazy things some times, and I loved it when he started whistling when Sehwag was blasting away merrily in some Test match or the other - but at the end of the day he's making decisions based on the input he receives from the other committee members, and more importantly, the captain and the coach.

Then, again, the article changes tone:

I am being facetious, of course, but interestingly, historically, India’s fortunes in World Cup cricket have defied conventional logic. In 1983, for instance, to predict that Kapil Dev’s team would win the title was challenging sanity. But the impossible happened; India beat the mighty West Indies and the cricket world was turned upside down.
[...]
India had terrific teams in both the 1987 and 1996 World Cups. Mind you, both these tournaments were played in the subcontinent where conditions would suit the home team, but both times India lost in the semi-finals.
Again, in the T20 format, for the inaugural World Championship in South Africa, India were the last country to agree to play. [...] Against all expectations, Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s team triumphed and turned the cricket world downside up once again.
There is no gainsaying the fact that meticulous planning and perceptive team selection are of enormous value in sports. But in a major tournament, unlikely heroes are frequently thrown up and the luck factor cannot be discounted entirely.

Okaaay, so ultimately, what was your point? "This squad is imbalanced and wrong - and by the way, let me tell you all about how carefree and irresponsible a guy the chairman of the selection committee used to be, implying that his opinion can't be taken seriously - but what the hell. Selection doesn't matter to the Indian team in World Cups anyway." Really?

I mean, if this article was supposed to be snarky - like the title suggested - it would've worked. But it wasn't. It jumped from seriousness to sarcasm to outright dismissal like it was on LSD. Inconsistent writing, or Mr. Memon couldn't make up his mind? I don't know.

He finishes with mentioning his team for the World Cup - which excluded Nehra and Chawla and had Sreesanth and Rohit Sharma instead - and finally this:

But in hindsight, I am prepared to accept that the committee has done a decent job. Some luck Dhoni and Co. will need. Ah yes, positive energy from supporters too, as Srikkanth says.
Now where have I kept the beads for the winning mantra?

Ahahaha. :|

I expect so much better from you, Mr. Memon. If you'd just laid out your arguments for why you think Sree/Rohit/Kaarthick should've been included and why Nehra/Chawla should've been left out, I would've enjoyed it a lot more. Instead, what I got was a whole lot of Srikkanth's backstory and failed sarcasm.

The best laid schemes of mice and men, pt 2

2011-01-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

a.k.a: HOOOLY SHIT!!!

I switched off the match when South Africa was 140/4. It was one in the morning, and I was tired and didn't want to make my holiday depressing. This morning I woke up to a text message from a friend that simply said "Ind won 1 run!"

Cue frantic consultation of TV news channels.

And GUYS. THEY DID WIN BY ONE RUN.

And do you know where it all went sideways for the Saffers?

The Batting Powerplay.

I mean, look. Smith was 70-odd, less than 20 overs to go, and barely 40 runs to win. India looking just as clueless as ever on the field. No sensible person would've expected anything other than a Saffer win. But they didn't.

Smith's plans in the Batting Powerplay went up in smoke, much like Dhoni's did.

And Munaf Patel? Wow. I mean, this is some serious luck. Hopefully this will be the boost India required to get their heads back in the game, and start looking a little less clueless.

It's a Pongal miracle, guys.

The best laid schemes of mice and men

2011-01-15T07:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah. Pretty much the story of the day for India.

It's funny how we've never looked quite 'all-there' in this ODI series at all. I mean, it's not like the bowling is spectacular, or anything, it just seems like the guys in blue out there are going out and winging it. Working with spit and a prayer.

Also, Lonwabo Tsotsobe seems to be the flavour of the month. Good for him.

I never thought this ODI series would be quite this boring to watch, but after a riveting Test series that got me very emotional very often, I can muster little more than indifference to this.

Maybe it's a defence mechanism. God knows I need one, being a fan of this team.

Of things that melt the heart

2011-01-14T05:21:00.000-08:00

I came across a few articles today that made me go "aww" (just bear with me):

This one, where Muralitharan has this to say about not playing for CSK anymore:

"I played with them for three years and have several happy memories with the team. My wife is also from Chennai and she is upset with this change but it happens in the game. I will miss Chennai, my teammates and miraculous captain Dhoni," Muralitharan said.

"Chennai had the excellent captain, a wonderful team and tremendous support. We enjoyed playing for them and last year was memorable in which we won the IPL and Champions league. I have taken a lot of wickets for them," said the veteran, who has 515 ODI and 800 Test wickets in his kitty.

Aw, Murali. We'll miss you, too.

And then this, where Dhoni puts in his two cents on Albie Morkel's omission from the Saffer squad for the current ODI series:

Dhoni admitted that he was very surprised that South Africa no longer thought Morkel was good enough for one day cricket, "He is a very good player in the shorter version of the game and I have much respect for him."

[...]

"I don't know why he was not chosen, but I regard him as a very special player and guys with his ability are rare. We would like to have a versatile player with his ability in our team," said Dhoni.

Apparently, Albie responded to this:

In an interview to South African daily Beeld, Morkel said: "It was a great honour to hear that a player like Dhoni had good things to say about me. But I don't think the selectors will change their mind now."

I love you, CSK. I really do.

Which is why I'm glad that this year we managed to retain much of the old group (c'mon, in T20 parlance? Three years = old). I cannot imagine any other people turning out in the Startlingly Bright Yellow. It was rather sad, actually, to see Balaji and Muralitharan go, and kind of exhilarating to see the kind of possessive fondness Chennai fans have got for these people. Not just the Vijays and the Ashwins and the Muralitharans, but also the Albies and Husseys and Dougies (you will not believe just how popular Bollinger is 'round these parts).

Don't you just -

2011-01-12T05:31:00.000-08:00

- love a regular fanboy?

Sometimes following the online commentary is an experience in itself. :p

EDIT: Amla is out!! \o/ Allow this fangirl to do a little jig of happiness.

In the mental crawlspaces of the rich

2011-01-11T01:51:00.000-08:00

I watch the IPL. Hell, I enjoy watching the IPL. 'Tis probably a testament to how much time I've spent trawling through the muck that poses as the Internet over the past two years that I actually feel guilty saying that. The IPL is the Root of All Evil, right? Right, sure. I'm not arguing against that, honest. But it's fun, and it gives me something to look forward to every evening for two months of a year. Like the only reality TV show that's worth watching. Plus, it has a team that represents Chennai and a whole host of players I adore and admire, and given how much of my investment in this sport is purely emotional, I find a lot to get behind.

So this time when I heard they were televising the player auction for 2011 (did they do that the first time? I don't remember), I watched it with much anticipation.

Aaand, uh. Okay. I spent most of the first hour with my mandible stuck firmly to the ground. Because, holy shit, it was mindblowing, in the most perverse way possible. After a while, I got into the rhythm of the whole thing. It was easy to forget, after some time, that they were dealing with actual players; it was like watching a gigantic Fantasy-Team game - can you fit in your dream team within your budget before your opponents do? Play and find out! - and I was getting behind the CSK contingent, praying that we managed to buy back the likes of Ashwin, Murali, Dougie and the rest. It may have gotten a little out of hand (my mother informs me I was raving put that paddle down, crazy Kochi lady! at the TV while the bidding war for Muralitharan was going on between CSK and Kochi, but hey) but it was fun, you know? It was only when the second day came about, and even the team owners looked like they were fooling around and treating the whole thing as a game, that I began to feel queasy. To their credit, though, I thought the CSK contingent remained serious throughout, hardly cracked a smile, and mostly left during the so-called "reauction" at the very end, when they were pretty sure that they'd finished what they'd started out to do. (but then again, the owners barely grinned even when we won the trophy last year, so maybe they're just naturally sourpusses).

People think that this is shocking and demeaning to cricket. I mean, sure, okay. I've always thought that the IPL is just more of a flamboyant circus that doesn't hesitate to show its garishly-painted butt while the rest of cricket is a circus that pretends it's not and covers itself in mouldy trappings in the name of heritage.

I was wondering just how surreal it must've been to sit in that auction room, as part of one of the contingents. Or maybe that's just me, and the owners were perfectly grounded even as astronomical sums of money were splashed about on people they couldn't tell from Adam (give me one person from the team that bought him who can even pronounce "Francois du Plessis"). I don't know. My belief is that everybody who signed up for this circus - franchise owners and players both - knew what they were getting into. They knew what lay ahead, what was likely to happen. And apparently, 353 of them were perfectly fine with it.

Is there a sense of wrongness to all of this, especially given the corruption that's rampant in the IPL's short history, and all the malingering and power-plays in the administration? That the IPL as an incentive is skewing the priorities of whole generations of young cricketers? Certainly.

Can I bring myself to care? Not really. My one explanation would be that cricket seems to be perennially caught in crisis; so much so that I think it's the only way the sport survives. Australian cricket is in crisis after being walloped by the English; Mumbai cricket is in crisis after failing to reach the Ranji semis for the first time in a billion years; cricketing administration is in crisis because ~~Australia and England aren't calling the shots anymore~~ the BCCI is throwing its money-bloated, corrupt stinking weight around; the inundation of Twenty20 is bringing out the basest instincts out of a generation of cricketing innocents, and will nobody think of the children?! But to be completely honest, I don't care about this the same way a lot of don't really care about the stuff that's happening in the rest of the world. If we were to judge ourselves hypocrites by watching the IPL, then there is not one person in the whole world who is not a hypocrite, in some walk of life or the other. Mind you, this is not an attempt at justification. I'm just calling it as I see it. A spade a spade - and maybe occasionally, a shovel.

Every generation has its own demons to grapple; the greatest enemy of our generation is our apathy.

On a tightrope to glory

2011-01-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

I saw this earlier today, and it made me smile. Just thought I'd share:

So this is how it goes.

2011-01-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

So the Test series is over. The third Test ended in a draw, and the series is drawn at 1-1.

I... don't know what to feel about this, really. For most of today, I was practically fuming. 340 in a day - the fifth day, no less - was difficult but surely gettable - but hey, what do I know. I'm worse than an armchair critic - I've almost never played the game, right? They have their reasons, whatever they are. I'm sure there'll be a lot of talk about the pitch, the bowling, the batting approach, all that pseudo-intellectual analytical bilge that will eventually drown out a simple truth: neither team really tried winning this thing on the last day.

I think my main heartbreak of today was the moment I rushed home from college, eager to check India's progress. Gambhir and Dravid were fermenting at the crease, which probably meant that Sehwag had left early. I checked what he'd scored: 11 off 40 balls.

Eleven. Off forty balls.

The disappointment was a physical thing; a lump in my throat. These guys had come out to play for a draw, and nothing else. The disappointment grew into frustration with every maiden played, every ball that was padded away or left or idly observed like the delivery was some remote scientific phenomenon. I raged and I cursed, and finally burned myself out. I'm just... disappointed. This was a fabulous series - I haven't had this much fun watching Test cricket since our Australian tour of '07-'08 - and this wasn't the ending it deserved. Not at all.

Sometimes, it's easy to fall into the notion that this Indian team is progressive, aggressive, super-modern. We haven't lost a series in a long time, we've staged some of the most memorable comebacks in recent history, we've got an awe-inspiring line-up with seniors who can apparently do no wrong. But this tendency to fall back when things get tight? That's not keeping with our super-aggressive image, but it's the truth. This team only bites back when it's been kicked to the ground, spit upon, and told that it's crap. Venom spews from otherwise sedate eyes; there's a manic intensity where there was once complacent indifference. But when we are going good, when we are at an advantage and there remains only those final few steps to cement our supremacy? We falter. We think, ah well. Y'know, we gotta be safe and ensure that we at least secure a draw. We think, a series draw is good. We're happy with it. NO.

This is the first time we haven't lost a Test series in SA, right? But we haven't won any either, and that's the whole frickin point. After a position of strength - they're 130/6, on the fourth day, one batsman injured and the other - not even a specialist - out of form, and we've got some bowling mojo going for us, what do we do? Fall back, and let them get away with it. I remember the same happening against NZ when we toured them, almost two years ago now. The third test was supposed to be ours. It had 'India' written all over it. Sure, there was supposed to be rain on the fifth day, but NZ were already 8 wickets down with half a session to go on the fourth day, so no problem, right? Except we fooled around, bowled rubbish, dropped catches, and allowed them to survive. No play was possible on the fifth day and the match ended in a draw. We won the series 1-0 anyway and there was much hot air about our first series win down there in decades, but what's the point, because we could've so easily won it 2-0?

We talk about a unified, super-modern team, but with this team? Same song, different verse.

Dhoni. Just to paraphrase your delightful little statement on crowds at Test matches: "we are the performers in the circus, but you need the circus to be full." We are not fools to sit in a circus where all that the performers do is juggle a single ball because it's too risky otherwise. This is exactly the kind of pointless bullshit that drives people away from Tests. It's not so much the low scoring rate as it is the lack of intent from India, and to a lesser extent, from South Africa. It's made me ask existential-esque questions.

Why am I here? Why am I watching this? What's the point? Do I really care that Sachin is the first person to score a run at the precise moment the sun's rays are at an angle of 34.98 degrees with far end of Table Mountain, thus creating a new record in the process? You can stuff those runs and inflated averages somewhere else, because they are worth jack-squat.

I don't care about history. I love this team, and I not only want it to win, but have come to expect it to win, or at least try.

Unfortunately, the team itself doesn't seem to think the same way.

Yikes.

2011-01-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

340 to win.

Kallis has pretty much ensured himself a man-of-the-series award, I think - a double-century in the first Test, and centuries in both innings in this one. Just to be safe, though, he threw in a 'batting through the pain of an injury' to woo the more sentimental folks on the jury. He's got me on that one.

NOW.

The hell, India? You had them at 130/6!! What happened? I didn't watch the match because I've been travelling all day and only caught some of the cricinfo commentary on my mobile, but really? After all this talk about how the wicket's tough to play on and that it's only getting tougher, Morkel and Boucher and Steyn, hell even Tsotsobe for a bit there, run havoc like it's the last five overs of a T20? I'm confused here. Was it the bowling, the batting, or the usual pre-match exaggerations (in which the players, the media, and the viewers are all complicit).

Anyway, 340 to get. Logically speaking, only two results are possible here: a South African win (the HORROR!) or a draw (what a friggin anti-climax that would be to an otherwise riveting series).

But this Indian team doesn't like to follow logic on the best of days, which can both be a good thing, or a bad thing.

In the end, as always, it all boils down to Sehwag. Whatcha gonna do, Viru?

"See ball, hit ball."

Aaaah. Excellent. :D

Stttraaap in, folks!

2011-01-04T04:55:00.001-08:00

Iiit's the battle of the century!

In this corner, we have... Dale Steyn! 6 feet plus and the best fast bowler in the world, watch as he rips them in at speeds of more than 90 miles an hour! He makes the ball nip and swing and bounce, and hell, do the salsa!

In this corner, we have... Sachin Tendulkar! This little colossus amasses runs not by the hundreds, but by the thousands! He has conquered the very best in international cricket until now... can he do so now?

WE SHALL SEE!!!!!!

Victory to the socially-conscious

2010-12-29T04:25:00.000-08:00

Y'know, I was jumping up and down for joy and ready to make a deliriously delighted post about India's Totally Awesome victory at Durban, until Dhoni made a very curious comment, right toward the end of the post-match presentation. He said, (paraphrased slightly) "We will party tonight, but will not get drunk."

This team is not only awesome, but also socially conscious. Huh.

But really, I think it's just a reference to the last time they won a match in SA, 4 years ago. I heard they celebrated so hard they actually had to pay for damages done to the dressing room.

Aaaaanyway.

What a win! Laxman! Zaheer! Sreesanth! Bhajji! The whole frickin' lot of 'em! I was a little dubious about the amount of difference Zaheer's return was supposed to make to our limp-as-lettuce-in-a-McDonald's-burger bowling attack, but the important thing seems to be that they believed it. I don't know how much of the impact was psychological and how much of it was strategic, but it worked, and everything turned out to be - wait for it - awesome.

One of the things I adored was that right after I make a post about the SSD/NUD dynamic, Laxman and Zaheer pull together a fabulous SSD/NUD themselves in a match-winning partnership. Laxman is just becoming a second-innings go-to guy, and I adore him except for the unfortunate fact that he keeps instigating some of the worst cricketing cliches: shots that are "caressed", somehow managing to be "smooth as silk", yet "precise as a surgeon's knife" at the same time. God.

So here's a cliche I do like: never-say-die. These guys don't roll over after being kicked to the ground. They take what luck comes their way, don't whine when it doesn't (well, they do try), and give their best. I'm proud of you guys. Congratulations, and all the best for the next one.

The art of 'protecting' a tailender

2010-12-26T23:59:00.000-08:00

You know how it goes.

The match is at a crucial stage - you're 7, maybe 8 wickets down with a few sessions still lift to play - more likely to save the match than win it, but you're willing to count a draw as a victory. So you're the Settled Specialist Dude (SSD) over there, and the guy who comes out to partner you is notoriously unreliable.

What do you do?

I've seen a lot of batsmen consistently refuse singles in the first few balls of the over, while the opposition captain spreads out the field, saying, come on dude, single ready when you want it. Around the fourth ball the batsman begins to get testy. Can the Notoriously Unreliable Dude (NUD) survive two balls? Is it okay for me to take a single here? The field begins to come in again, and the SSD is pushed into a corner. Fifth ball, SSD's all, shall I go for it now? No no, no need to take a risk now, there's still one ball left. And when the sixth ball is coming 'round, he's sweating bullets. The NUD is grinning at the other end, already dreaming of ensuing batting heroics, and the SSD sees the grin and is doubly nervous. The opposition closes in like a shark with blood in the water, and so the bowler barrels in with the last delivery of the over...

I've seen this more often than not with the Indian team. The one NUD that I remember actually lives up to his name is Zaheer Khan. For instance, in the current match against SA, Dhoni's at one end, and facing Morkel. He plays off four balls and takes a single off the fifth. Just one ball, right? Turns out he forgot one of the fundamental truths of cricket: you might spend several deliveries planning and scheming through your innings, but it takes only one to make them all useless. One ball, and Zaheer was out.

Ishant came in, and Dhoni sighed, screw this and took a single off the second ball to let Ishant face the rest of the over. And he survived.

The NUD/SSD dynamic rarely works for this team. I remember a couple of successes, namely: Dhoni and Sreesanth at Lord's working with the weather to save a match we really ought to have lost, and Laxman and Ishant at Mohali pulling off a Totally Awesome Win out of nowhere.

Huh.

As I type, Dhoni gets out after a fighting 35. India 205/9, likely to be 205 all out soon enough as two NUDs conference before one of them takes strike.

Dale Steyn barrels in...

EDIT OF SUPREME AWESOMENESS: Zaheer and Harbhajan have gotten hold of some serious mojo: SA are 104/8 now, and completely on the mat. Somebody pinch me, please.

EDIT OF WTFery: So we dismissed them for 131, and promptly slump to 48/3 after being 42/0. Two wickets to Lonwabo Tsotosobe. All right, people. What the hell? At this rate, Dhoni might find himself ending the day at the crease, just as he started the day.

EDIT OF WHAT-THE-HELL-IS-GOING-ON-HERE: Wicket no. 18 of day 2 falls as Sachin is snapped up by Steyn. 56/4. I think SA and India are trying to go one-up on each other in pure batting ineptitude. Screw the swing, pace, bounce, all that bull shit - we are better than this! Lead is just one hundred and thirty runs and if we don't get some spine soon all of Bhajj's and Zak's efforts will have come to naught!

Hooooly shit.

So here's what happened.

2010-12-19T06:30:00.000-08:00

Dhoni out for 90. His previous innings? Out for 98.

Who was his partner both times? Sachin Tendulkar, and both times he went on to score a century.

Clearly, Dhoni has somehow, supernaturally perhaps, transferred Sachin's 90s jinx onto himself. I understand as a captain you sacrifice a lot for your team, but this might be too much, yeah?

(Either that, or Shane Watson has done some kind of trans-continental Jinx Transference).

Jokes apart, this is the beginning of the end. Even as I type, Harbhajan falls, and India are 8 down. We are going to lose, but at least we put up a fight and Dhoni and Tendulkar were twelve billion flavours of Awesome.

We could take inspiration from Australia, who came back from the edge of ignominy to soundly thrash England (there's a lot of sadistic pleasure to be derived from that piece of imagery, especially given one couldn't open something cricket-related online over the last week without an Englishman tooting his horn) at Perth, levelling the Ashes 1-1. There's hope yet!

One last wish before this match goes up in a puff of smoke: I hope Sreesanth isn't dispirited enough to not repeat his 2006 antics, viz., doing the pelvis-thrusting, bat-spinning Dance of Awesome after hitting a six.

(... where's Andre Nel when you need him? ... )

EDIT: Bad light's stopped play! \o/ We stand at 454/8, Sree and Sachin batting.

I shall now search frantically through my handbook on Rain-Summoning Rituals. There's got to be something here that has international effects, right? *flips*

Also, I have to say: I haven't had this much fun watching a day of Test cricket since the halcyon days of India's '07-'08 tour of Australia. That series was gold, and got me hooked to Test cricket for LIFE.

Oh, lord.

2010-12-18T04:22:00.000-08:00

South Africa have scored 200+ runs in the first session.

Two hundred runs... !

Surely - although I wouldn't have imagined the likes of Ishant, Sreesanth and Unadkat matching up to Steyn, Morkel and Kallis - we can't have bowled as badly as all that?

Except we did, and it hurts.

I'll put together a more coherent post later, but right now? SA 640/4 dec (WTF my brain's short-circuiting) and Sehwag and Gambhir are out there, and scoring boundaries. Get the adrenaline pumpin', boys. Save some face.

Three things

2010-12-10T19:30:00.001-08:00

1. Who in the world is Michael Beer?

I'm reminded of my up-ended jigsaw-puzzle analogy (because I'm self-obsessed like that). What's next? Warney's Sunday drinking buddy?

2. Why, thank you, Gauti. We must all bask in Ashwin's awesomeness. *basks*

(Are you listening to/reading this, CSK? You can always replace Vijay any old day, but not Ashwin! Hold on to the man and release Vijay! Come on, now!)

3. I thought I could go to the match yesterday, I really did. I had an exam in the afternoon, but once I finished that, I thought, hey, I could go home and take up my friend's offer (an open invitation to the match, because he's awesome like that).

I checked the score once the exam finished: NZ 103 all out. I rechecked after I got home: India 52/2.

Not much point in going after that.

(but it didn't rain, which I'm willing to count as a miracle, because just a week ago this city was almost drowning in a torrential downpour that lasted for more than 2 days).

Still on the Ashes

2010-12-05T04:41:00.000-08:00

I thought there was nothing funnier than Kevin Pietersen hitting a double-century in Australia against Australia, before I rediscovered this little gem:

A little out-dated, but still priceless!

The absolute pinnacle atop the pinnacle of... something.

2010-11-25T05:40:00.000-08:00

So. Let's talk Ashes, shall we?

Today was the first day of the first Test, in Brisbane. Peter Siddle got three wickets in three balls - Alastair Cook, Matt Prior and Stuart Broad, causing me much delight, because, dude, fabulously hand-picked victims - and England ended up folding for 260. The Australian openers sauntered to a cool 25/0 before stumps, and look nicely poised for a team that got whitewashed by a team that struggled to win against a team that got whitewashed by the lowest ranked Test team in the world.

Yeah.

I'm not going to talk about what actually happened at the 'Gabba today because I didn't see it and there are more well-informed observers who can tell you all about it. Today, I decided, I was going to get to the bottom of this whole Ashes shindig. Someone asked me the other day what the Ashes was really all about - I'm suddenly considered an authority on cricket in my university, it's crazy, especially when I stand there blinking when their questions get too technical, because my expertise in the technicalities extend only to extricating myself out of the tangled mess of another Ravi Shastri metaphor - and I had to admit that all I knew was that it had something to do with England, Australia, Test cricket, a teeny-tiny urn containing the burnt remains of an old stump, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and a LOT of empty bravado.

But not much else, really.

For the shame!

So it was that I decided to do a bit of research.

As is the (very unprofessional) norm, I looked it up on Wikipedia. This is what it had to say:

The Ashes is a Test cricket series played between England and Australia. It is international cricket's most celebrated rivalry and dates back to 1882. It is currently played biennially, alternately in the United Kingdom and Australia. Cricket being a summer sport, and the venues being in opposite hemispheres, the break between series alternates between 18 and 30 months. A series of "The Ashes" comprises five Test matches, two innings per match, under the regular rules for Test match cricket. If a series is drawn then the country already holding the Ashes retains them.

The series is named after a satirical obituary published in a British newspaper, The Sporting Times, in 1882 after a match at The Oval in which Australia beat England on an English ground for the first time. The obituary stated that English cricket had died, and the body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia. The English media dubbed the next English tour to Australia (1882–83) as the quest to regain The Ashes.
[...]
The urn is erroneously believed by some to be the trophy of the Ashes series, but it has never been formally adopted as such and Bligh always considered it to be a personal gift. Replicas of the urn are often held aloft by victorious teams as a symbol of their victory in an Ashes series, but the actual urn has never been presented or displayed as a trophy in this way. Whichever side holds the Ashes, the urn normally remains in the Marylebone Cricket Club Museum at Lord's since being presented to the MCC by Bligh's widow upon his death.

Since the 1998–99 Ashes series, a Waterford Crystal representation of the Ashes urn has been presented to the winners of an Ashes series as the official trophy of that series.

Ah ha! So Douglas Adams got it wrong, did he? That sorry little urn does not contain the Ashes of the Wooden Pillar of the Wicket Gate! I feel like my teenage years have been violated.

So much fuss for this? It reminds me of a once-renowned clique trying to maintain illusions of their ~exclusivity~ and relevance in a world that's moved on and doesn't really give two shits anymore. Damn Indian money and eyeballs, we are still the most important things in this sport! So let's milk this tradition for all it's worth, even if we are playing for a tiny fake urn every two years!

Y'know, this can be a good thing, too. It's amusing to see/hear people compare any decent rivalry in international cricket to the Ashes (Ashes marketing dudes need to take classes), and occasionally these two teams produce sensational contests. I watched highlights of the Ashes '05 a couple of years back, and it isn't possible for me to love cricket any more than I did while watching them. It was the cricketing equivalent of rainbows and bunnies and unicorns. Of course, after that, I watched the Ashes '09, and that was the cricket-equivalent of a three-week long Pharmacology lecture. Like watching Rahul Dravid on freakin valium. God.

Probably the most amusing thing is the testosterone-sloshing, uh, I mean, the 'verbal duels' before the series. Because, lord, it is funny. Everybody builds it up so much that when somebody farts during an Ashes Test, it's a special fart, because, you know, it's THE Ashes.

The contest for the tiny fake urn has started off well this year. I eagerly await more amusement, and hopefully, some great cricket.

Dear Cricket, Dhoni is smarter than you.

2010-11-23T04:50:00.000-08:00

I'm still alive, still watching cricket, still keeping up with it online. After watching the third day's play against NZ I came across this article that reminded me just why I hate reading about cricket online these days:

He doesn't normally flick; he drags. He doesn't drive fluently; he shoves. He doesn't cut; he chops. He doesn't sweep; he hammers. He doesn't lean forward; he lunges. He doesn't defend; he stabs. He doesn't swing to the on side; he muscles and heaves. He doesn't upper cut; he carves. His most famous shot is the helicopter-whirl - a bottom-handed twirl that sends full deliveries from outside off to screaming fans beyond long-on. Even genial farmers might take offense if you call him agricultural, so we shall stick to natural. Is he effective? You bet he is, as he showed today.

[...]

A moment arrived, soon, which captured his style of batting perfectly: he opened the bat-face and steered a Tim Southee delivery that straightened after being angled in between the keeper and wide slip. It wasn't an edge. What wasn't clear was whether it was just a late adjustment to the straightening of the delivery or if he had the gap in mind? Dhoni often leaves you similarly confused about his intentions behind a shot. Often, there were cries of "catch it" from the New Zealanders when Dhoni hit them in the air, but it invariably climbed over a fielder or flew through a gap.

"Lunge". "Bunt". "Whip". Aeeeesthetically pleasing. Dear Sir. I want to watch you carressss that through the off-side as I sit here and primly drink my afternoon tea - with my little finger sticking out - ah! Just so!

RANDOM WRITER: Your batting is ugly!
DHONI: Oh yeah? Well... your face is ugly!

And then, Dhoni comes and rescues my mood with this:

MS Dhoni, the India captain, has said that Suresh Raina needs a break from cricket, and if he doesn't get it after the first two ODIs against New Zealand, he might have to be replaced for the first Test in South Africa, which begins on December 16.

Dhoni was specifically asked whether Raina would be replaced at Centurion by Cheteshwar Pujara or M Vijay if he didn't have a break for the last three one-day matches against New Zealand. "If he doesn't get a break in the ODI series [after the first 2 games] then you have to [replace him]," Dhoni said. "He is at a point where he needs a break from cricket."

A HA. Dhoni, I C WHUT U DID THAR.

You know what's funny?

2010-10-21T05:57:00.000-07:00

I missed the anniversary of this blog... again. Not that anyone aside from me cares, but yeah. For more than two years now, this little blog has been festering in its corner of cyberspace.

I've blogged even less this year than the previous one, and I wish I could blame my academic obligations for this, but the truth is that I'm kind of lazy, and I'm sick of ferreting opinion on cricket on the Internet - most of it is acerbic, hypocritical and completely infuriating, anyway. I just want to watch and enjoy the game - I don't give two shits if it's a Test or the IPL that I'm watching. It's all still the same damn circus, just that one form is more pretentious than the other.

So. When you visit the blog, you pretty much know what you're going to get, don't you? I make no pretensions about myself or my writing. This is pure armchair snark and fangirling - the lowest strata of cricket blogging out there, I know, and I'm perfectly happy with that. No heavily-worded tl;dr analysis over here, thank you very much.

But recently I've found that fangirling? A pretty tough thing to do, especially when it comes to cricket, because, quite clearly, it frequently hates its fans.

For one, much of cricket itself is tl;dw - it practically begs tl;dr in response. I think it's one of the things that attracted me to this sport in the first place. There is nothing I love more than rambling and ruminating and debating minutiae - and cricket lends itself rather beautifully to that purpose. There is such a wealth of time - you can dock away a whole day to watch a match and give yourself to the ebbs and flows of the game; much like well-crafted drama, a game that might have been quiescent, coasting smoothly to a seemingly pre-destined result, a single moment of brilliance and/or mediocrity - a flash of genius, a lapse in concentration - is enough to change the scenario drastically. The script's changed, folks, and there're no stage-whispers to help you. Can you improvise? Can you start a brand new story? It appeals to the romantic in me; makes me scream and curse and laugh, because, that? That is drama; that is joy.

And as long as I continue to find that joy, this blog will continue to grow.

What needs to be done

2010-10-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

... is to have these people who work out the scheduling and rotation of international venues in India attend a few intensive classes of ninth standard geography. Particularly: climactic changes across the peninsula, and the movement of the south-west and retreating monsoons, because, clearly, they have no idea that such things exist.

How else can you explain the three venues for the current ODI series against the Aussies? Kochi, Vishakapatnam, Goa. Three coastal cities where if the rain doesn't get you, the humidity will. I should know. Chennai is in the throes of giving its ever-suffering denizens its habitual Slow Death by Heat and Humidity. And then you complain about ceaseless rains in Kochi, and the threat of more in Vishakapatnam!

About the rest of the series? Bah. Two Test matches that got much closer than they had any right to, because both teams are staggeringly incompetent at pressing whatever advantage they get. A triumph of mediocrity. And, uh, Test cricket. Because one has to be politically correct about these things, you know.

Although, I have to say, watching Sreesanth in his latest get-up was entertaining. Like a demented version of an 80's movie hero, sans the glittery pants. Like Kamal Hassan dancing on top of Sridevi's table in a room that can't quite make up its mind if it's a discotheque, cabaret, or a mad scientist's laboratory.

But you know what's the best damn thing about the whole series? This quote from Dhoni:

After all, if taken in the right sense, we are the performers in the circus, but you need the circus to be full. It [this comment] should be taken in the right sense.

... And I'm instantly reminded just why I adore Dhoni so. Cut all the crap and get to the heart of the matter.

But I gotta say, I laughed and laughed at the "don't take this in the wrong sense" disclaimers. The poor man has gone through many a bitter experience, indeed. "At least then you a-holes won't keep twisting what I say to create controversies out of thin air. And... uh. I didn't mean that! I PROMISE!"

Why India v Sri Lanka = Star Wars

2010-09-07T05:13:00.000-07:00

Truth be told, I wanted to post something about the whole spot-fixing business, but I found it was giving me a headache. And making me overtly cynical, which is the kind of stuff I want to avoid in this blog, so maybe I'll put in my two cents when I'm able to gather my thoughts better. Or, you know, not at all.

A friend and I were having a conversation the other day (yes, it's going to be one of those posts). She was bemoaning the sorry state of the Indian ODI team ("you know, with all this experimentation, I bet they'll have Rohit Sharma and Ramesh Powar open the bowling in the World Cup"), citing the recently played final of the Micromax Cup as an example.

I pointed out that with the number of times India and Sri Lanka played each other every year, the results were going to swing both ways equally. Including the 2008 Asia Cup, India and Sri Lanka have played in five tournament finals in the last two-or-so years - the '08 Asia Cup, which Sri Lanka won, then the Compaq Cup in 2009 (I bet you'd forgotten about that, huh), which India won, then the tri-series in Bangladesh in early '10 which Sri Lanka won, then the '10 Asia Cup final, which India won, and now, the Micromax tri-series final going to Sri Lanka, as per the well-established pattern.

After a few choice words delivered at my OCD (which, you know, it totally isn't), she said, "You know, you can say all you want about patterns - and don't you dare start some pop-sociology lecture, freak - but Sri Lanka had to lose."

"Why?"

"Because - because they're evil."

I merely raised my eyebrows.

"Have you seen Kumara Sangakkara recently? Those little eyes - that evil smirk?"

I wanted to protest - it wasn't that long ago that I was endorsing a "brown Mr. Darcy" description of the same man - but I could see her point. "You're right. Kind of like a James Bond villain."

"Come off it." She rolled her eyes. "He isn't that stupid."

"Then?"

"He was a nice guy once. Kind of like-" her eyes gleamed, "-Darth Vader."

"Clearly, then," I said, "someone has got to be Palpatine. You know, the eeevil pointless villain who turns Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader."

"That's easy," she scoffed. "Mahela Jayawardene."

At this point I was practically out of my seat. "That's perfect! And Dilshan is totally General Tarkin."

"Yes! Now you're getting into it."

I was. Looking back, it was probably sinfully cathartic, but also. We were uncovering a Great Truth, so. "What about the good guys? The Jedi?"

"Pick your random Indian players," she said.

Considering the Jedi don't really exist for any purpose other than "battling" the Sith and vice versa, that made sense. "First off? Let's get Han Solo out of the way. M S Dhoni."

After a lot more choicey words about my "mile-wide bias" (which it totally isn't), it was decided that the Han Solo casting would be decided upon later. "Sachin Tendulkar," she said, "is obviously Master Yoda. Right from the size, to the English, to the nine-hundred-years-old part."

"That makes Dhoni Obi-Wan Kenobi!" I crowed.

"You do realise that makes Suresh Raina Luke Skywalker, right?"

That stopped me short, I had to admit. But hey. I could live with that, you know? "Then Han Solo is Yuvraj Singh. You know, irresponsible friend of the hero who's really, really good if he puts his head into it?"

However, when I started speculating about Chewbacca, she pretty much warned me not to broach the subject with a ten-foot pole. Huh. (Look, Harbhajan Singh would make an awesome Wookiee).

Then there was only one thing left to be determined.

"Who's Princess Leia?" she asked.

It turned out I didn't really have to think too much about that. "Ishant Sharma," I said.

India v Sri Lanka: because the Force Wills it to Be.

Ow.

2010-08-22T06:09:00.001-07:00

I can forgive one pseudo-apocalyptic collective failure in a series - even laugh it off - but two? That's just... not on.

I'm firmly under the belief I suffer from some sort of masochism.

Seriously, though, what is up with our batting? If Sehwag failed, at least there used to be Dhoni to pick up the slack. And now Dhoni - after three years at the top - is finally out of form. Who cleans up after Dhoni? Nobody, it'd seem.

Our batting line-up: now full of defunct janitors.

Why?

2010-08-22T01:51:00.001-07:00

So, in today's match, Dhoni has created a seismic ripple in the fabric of space-time and rubbished all predictive science by winning the toss. In the team sheet, he presents exactly the same team that gave their names to be listed next to Virender Sehwag as he won the last match he played against Sri Lanka, except Yuvraj comes in for Kohli.

A wise person once told me: questions are hell of a lot more meaningful than their answers, so don't stop asking them.

a.k.a: put up a bunch of meaningless rhetoric to make yourself look clever.

Therefore, I will ask:

Why is Ravichandran Ashwin still left out of the team? Why is Ravindra Jadeja being considered a specialist bowler when he's clearly a. not a specialist bowler and b. not a good all-rounder? Why are they dragging around Ashwin without giving a single match to him? Why, is Ashwin Just That Good a twelfth man? Is there a secret art to drinks and glove/pad carrying that he's mastered? Why didn't he suck up to Dhoni enough in the IPL this year? (never fear, Ashwin, the CL is coming up next month; plenty of opportunities)

Why is Rohit Sharma playing? (this question will one day drive to spend the rest of my life in a padded room, I know it)

Has Yuvraj Singh recovered from dengue that quickly? (guess he got the mild version. good for him.)

Why is it that people now compare Randiv to Trevor Chappell?

a. Quite clearly, Randiv's delivery was illegal. Chappell's 'delivery' at the time, was perfectly legal.
b. The New Zealand batsman did the Full Histrionic Flounce, complete with throwing his bat at the ground in disgust. Sehwag just responded with a, "yeeeaah, whatever, it happens," before somebody in the dressing room showed him a video replay and hissed something in his ear.
c. Chappell did it (quite pathetically) to safeguard what was already a very-likely win (he was bowling to the tail, and they needed six off the last ball just to tie! Talk about having no faith in your own bowler). Randiv did it in a completely hopeless cause, and what appears to be a bit of petty playground spite ("waah, if I shall not have my win, he shall not have his century! So there!")

Why is everybody playing this up to be a Big Issue? Why is the Spirit of Cricket being brought in here? There is no Spirit of Cricket. The cake is a lie. Cricket isn't dead, and it isn't a spirit. It's a sport (or so we'd like to believe). A mean, competitive sport. Not one where you have to sit around and talk about life-long psychological scarring just because a dude got a couple of reprimands.

But okay. Let's say it is a big issue. Why wasn't the Almighty Match Referee not involved immediately? Isn't it his job to Safeguard the Spirit of Cricket? (*cue thunder and trumpet music*) Oh, right, because the umpires didn't report to him. What a joke.

Also, along the same lines, why was Dilshan, the player, the senior player with several years of experience in international cricket, given a lesser punishment than poor put-upon psychologically-scarred Randiv for inciting him to bowl the no-ball?

Clearly, the SLC PR dept was intercepted by desperate appeals from the team management. ("but we neeed him! Take Randiv away, it doesn't matter, but we neeeed Dilshan for the next game.")

Also, finally:

Why does Danny Morrison bear a scary resemblance to the dude who's running against Julia Gillard in the Aussie elections right now?

Ha ha, what??

2010-08-04T05:26:00.001-07:00

You have got to be kidding me.

"Stumpy"? "Stumpy"??????

What kind of name is that for a World Cup mascot???????????

What kind of cutesy, shitty name is that? You might as well have named it Krikkit's Pillar of Wood, or some such shit.

We are better than this! We really are!

*rends hair*

IPL Aftershocks

2010-07-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

So. A lot of people like to blame the IPL for a lot of things: you know, cricketers worrying more about where the moolah is coming from than representing their country, a footballer-esque tendency to be seen with arm-candy, the utter suckiness of the Indian team and their inability to do anything right in the last two editions of the T20 WC, corruption, the belittling of the international game, eroding the values of Test cricket, headache-inducing commentary, piss-poor broadcasting, advertising to the point of utter nausea.

Did I miss something? Oh yeah, pollution, global warming, terrorism, American Idol and pretty much every evil in the world.

BUT! There are things (if things is the word I want) that are much, much worse that tend to slip under the scanner; things that piss me off to no end.

a. Its influence on Indian selection. I don't even have to explain, just name names. Manpreet Gony. Rohit Sharma. Vinay Kumar. Sudeep Tyagi. YUSUF PATHAN.

b. The fraying of mute buttons on TV remotes all over India. Even now my finger still twitches toward that button every time I sit down to watch cricket. Damn thing hardly works anymore.

c. A deluge (and I mean tidal wave, frickin' tsunami) of IPL critics. Suddenly the IPL is responsible for everything! The tournament isn't without its many faults, but the utter acid (most of it completely gratituous and horribly pretentious) that dripped from so many "informed observers" corroded not just my laptop screen but also my ability to enjoy the game at all. ("Test cricket is the only cricket worth playing! Oh these young 'uns with their terrible tastes in music and sport and heroes and movies are ruining our culture!" Stuff it, guys.)

d. THIS:

(and a zandu balm ad featuring the delhi daredevils which i unfortunately couldn't find online)

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD.

I died. Several times.

You're talking about the IPL being a terrible influence. Hahahahaha.

You have no idea.

EDIT: About the current (travesty of a) Test series?

Dhoni: "A bowling attack with experience, variety and skill? Durrrr.... what's that?"

Sangakkara: "You know, I'd be happier if the double hundred came against a regular Test-playing nation. Y'know, like the team that's number one in the rankings right now. Like -- wait, what do you mean, we're playing India?"

Raina: "OhyayIscoredaCENTURYonDEBUT! IscoredabuttloadofrunswithTENDULKAR! I'msohappyIcanpogostickallthewaytoChina!"

Tendulkar: "Uh, so. Another Test, some more runs scored. Same old, same old. *yawn* Which country are we playing now, by the way?"

Zaheer Khan: "I'm kind of reeeeally glad I'm halfway across the world from Sri Lanka right now. Actually, scratch that. I'm just glad there's this many miles between me and the Indian cricket team, period."

Ishant Sharma, et al: "Pleeeease can we join you, Zaheer bhaiya?"

Harbhajan Singh: "Look at me, I'm down in the dumps. LOOK AT ME, dammit."

Random Sri Lankan spinner: "So! Somebody was telling me that playing Test cricket against the best lineup in the world would be tough! Dammit, wish I'd taken a bet against that."

Atul Wassan: "It's kind of worrying that even now India has to depend on Tendulkar to get them out of trouble. If after so many years we're not able to fend for ourselves -- "

Everybody else: "The dude's doing his friggin job as a middle order senior batsman. And whose shortcomings is he trying to make up for? Dravid and Laxman, who've been playing pretty much forever too!"

Muttiah Muralitharan: *points and laughs*

Me: WHY AM I WATCHING THIS SHIT.

Is ANYBODY really looking forward to this series?

2010-07-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

What it says on the tin.

Aside from it being Muthu Muralitharan's last shindig in a long and illustrious career, is anybody really looking forward to the India v SL series starting tomorrow? This is the first Test series I'm going to be able to see after a long time - and reading stuff like this and this hasn't been really encouraging.

Particularly stuff like:

Who can stop Tillakaratne Dilshan from smashing a ton against this Indian attack? If he can play with controlled aggression, a hundred is there for the taking. And he can set the tempo by denting Ishant Sharma's already fragile confidence with a few boundary hits. It should be much fun watching Dilshan bat in this Test. Will he be over eager to attack? Can he show judicious shot selection?

Right. Riiiight. That's just gone beyond analysis and straiiight into 'eh-what-the-hell' snark.

So we've got a sucky bowling attack. So what?

I'm holding out for a Ishant five-for in the SL first innings. Why? Because I can. And I want some reason to look forward to the Test cricket, dammit.

(And because if I read "India's problem is its bowling", I'm going to implode. Hi, bandwagon people! Quieten a bit, whydontcha?)

Clicking of the cosmic tumblers

2010-07-13T10:46:00.001-07:00

It's been a nice few months without cricket - exams, a month-long trip to the USA (where if you mention "cricket" you will be handed a bottle of insect repellent), and a healthy dose of disgusted disinterest pretty much wiped cricket off my agenda. Things have been fairly crazy, India and Sri Lanka are playing each other to the point of hair-rending boredom, the usual cricket is corrupt! (seriously, cricinfo? The IPL Mess? That's very educated and so enlightening. I'm going to imagine you're talking about some communal meals programme that Lalit Modi very kindly started for all the players) cricket is racist! (you nominate a guy even you don't like. Then imagine just how much you loathe the organisation you're nominating him to) nouveau-riche India is holding the cricket world in its filthy, corrupt hands (Hi, rabid anti-BCCI agenda! Also, BCCI =\= India. Seriously.) and all that jazz. However! I'm back, and looking forward to watching some cricket after the self-imposed exile. Before that, of course, a few things need to be pushed off the table:

Oh yeah.

Despite everything, did I ever stop watching the IPL? Nosiree. Anything that has "Chennai" tagged on to it should be the best, and wow, were we ever awesome. Halfway through the tournament, only thick-skinned optimists (such as yours truly) hoped they would reach the semifinals. I ventured a belligerent "they could even win, you know", only to take it back almost immediately with an apologetic grimace.

But CSK, man.

Perhaps one of the most gratifying things about watching the IPL was that, despite the fracas going on in the background, and all the jabbering about Twenty20 as a flashy chip of paint off the strong and proud edifice of cricket (listen to me gag... or not), the players (the ones who mattered anyway) took it seriously. There is some payoff to all the nights I spent up, all the emotion, and all the time I invested, when I see someone like Dhoni literally punch his face in intense emotion after winning that game, after practically pummelling his team into the semifinals from an impossible situation. From seeing someone like Sachin Tendulkar (been there, done that, bought half-a-million T shirts- Sachin Tendulkar) risk worsening his injured hand just so he could play the final for the MI. To hear from both captains what the game meant to them in the post-match ceremony. As long as we can get commitment like that from the dudes that matter, the twenty-two dudes on the field, then I am willing to ignore pretty much everything else. I will remember the IPL for that emotion, and will continue watching it for the same.

Not to mention opening my eyes to the potential of quite a few players - Ashwin (who I was delighted to find lives in the same area of the city that I do, and is a super-smart school-topper-college-graduate), and, of course, Dougie Bollinger, who may be the Awesomest Person that ever Awesomed.

After that, the Twenty20 World Cup. I watched India's league matches, and assured by Raina's Century of Awesomeness against South Africa, I left for the US the night before we officially started our Super Eight campaign. For weeks I had no clue about what was going on in the tournament, as all the US papers were interested in talking about was baseball, some dude called LeBron James who was making some other dudes in Cleveland very angry, with little by-notes informing the presumably disinterested audience about the happenings in the world of tennis. I was finally able to find a paper that was published exclusively for NRIs, and even in that, buried somewhere in the back-pages was an article titled "England win World Twenty20" followed by a grinning Paul Collingwood holding up the trophy.

If you were anywhere in Southwestern Texas at that time in Mid-May, you might have heard my resounding cry of "England won a world title??!!"

(Seriously, people. I'm sorry. I'm still thinking the whole thing is some kind of cheese-induced dream. And USA eats a lot of cheese.)

((... England?... ))

Not that I expected India to win the title, or anything - although I'd hoped they would - but I'd placed even Zimbabwe with a higher chance of getting the trophy than England. Cha, now there's a perfect record permanently marred (Jokes apart, congratulations to the English team, who now suddenly seem to be in the form of their life - although even that is not enough to provide immunity to the Loss to Bangladesh Out Of The Blue Syndrome).

However! I did not see 90% of the tournament, so I have no further opinion on it. But what's a blog without shameless pandering of opinion, right? So let me tell you of what I did see that May.

The U S of A. It was an interesting trip, and I have a few observations:

1. It is huge. And I mean, HUGE. It crosses three different time-zones, which is kind of a bother when you're trying to cover as much as you can in as little time as possible. It is not fun to keep adjusting clock every other day, and oh, the jet lag? Unforgiving. (there is a trememdous amount of flying to be done. I, for instance, took thirteen flights within the US. My spine hasn't forgiven me since.)

2. As huge as it is, there is very, very little in between. Most people live in suburbs that are several kilometres away from the hub of the city, which means taking out the car and going for a long drive just to shop for groceries. Or clothes. Or go to school. This is completely weird, at least to me, because Indian cities like to fold on top of themselves, rather than really spread. I can't walk more than a few metres from my home without hitting several dozen shops catering to your every possible need squeezed together and spilling onto the pavement; a bus terminus and an MRTS terminus a few roads over; a hospital, and no less than three different schools.

3. Speaking of: the cars. There are just so many of them. Even high school kids. Except in a few select areas, public transport seems to be a near non-entity. Which, again, weirded me out, because, hey. For all our faults, we at least have an extensive public transport system.

4. There is a strange kind of beauty to the vastness, too: the climates and the surroundings change from place to place -- you might be in the scorching (well, compared to Chennai, rather pleasant, I thought, and cackled in mad glee that I was conveniently missing the worst of the Chennai summer) heat of the Nevada desert; another day in chill, windy New York; another day driving through Idaho and Wyoming where the land seems to hug the sky in a spectacular union of clouds, mountains, sleet and rain.

5. You really have to admire the American tradition of preserving and promoting their natural heritage. A visit to a National Park there is an exhilarating experience. I visited the Niagara Falls, Yellowstone Park - and it snowed! - and the Grand Canyon, some of the most breath-taking things I've ever seen, or ever will see.

6. They eat. A lot. Practically everything available there is super-sized. I ate the largest slice of pizza I'd ever had in my life (took pictures and everything before I took my first bite, too) and had the pizza guy tell me it was medium-sized. Medium-sized! Coffee, cheese, sugar, chocolate abound. McDonald's. Arby's. Wendy's. Subway. All just a few metres apart, literally, and so cheap; it occurred to me just how easy it would be to lose yourself in the food, how easy it would be to put a welcome sign on yourself to conditions ranging from atherosclerosis to stroke.

7. American Born Desis have the weirdest conceptions about India. First off, an almost Pavlovian reaction of supreme disdain to anything Indian (a muted version of which you can detect in their immigrant parents). Secondly, a habit of ending sentences with, "...oh, do they have that in India yet? Do they allow that in India yet?" (Because we're obviously Timbuktu circa 1845.) Thirdly, some of the weirdest theories. Writing papers about our infamous fairness creams ads, wherein our "obsession with fairness was obviously a consequence of the inferiority complex we still suffer from due to the centuries of subjugation by the British". Pop!Sociology, I have found your messiahs.

8. Faux-politeness. "Good Morning, how are we today?" "Fine, thank you" seems to be the traditional greeting there. Shop attendants. Airport security officials. Random people on the street. Everywhere. They go, "oh, I like your shirt; just where did you get that design?" and I'm sort of dumbstruck, because that's a complete stranger I'm just passing by, and we're just so unused to such manners from all quarters that it's doubly frustrating to come back to India and face people who obviously fell asleep when road rules were being taught; who spit at your feet and give you hostile glares if you so much as make a request for them to move so you can walk past. The politeness is all a facade - on a level, you're aware of that and it's disturbing, but still.

9. ... and that's all she wrote. About the USA, anyway.

Because, cricket? Right, cricket.

I saw some of the Fateful Zimbabwe Tour. Mr. Srikkanth, were you really kidding us? You think you could just slap on India colours to a bunch of IPL successes (Manpreet Gony and Yusuf Pathan ought to have provided sufficient deterrent to that method of selection by now) and they'll be all "look at our youth power! we're totally ready to fill in full time roles in the national team!"? Personally, they played like India A's second reserve team in an off-season. Cha.

I did see the Asia Cup. The India-Pakistan game did restore some of my faith in the game, and 'sides, I had a good time speculating about Obviously-Alternate-Universe-Century-Hitting Shahid Afridi. Our ODI team is just not looking settled: batsmen seem to be okay, apart from Sehwag busting his shoulder every other day, Yuvraj's happily feeding and twittering away, Rohit Sharma is the absolute worst excuse for an international cricketer I have ever seen. Our all-rounders are Yusuf Pathan and Ravindra Jadeja, an unenviable choice. I have no idea what's our bowling attack any more, except that it's Zaheer Khan, et. al.

But what's ZK now? A pretty, pretty princess that keeps falling on some pea practically every other week, missing important series just when she's working herself upto some real bowling form. And of course, he had to go to Jo'burg for rehab. And he even mentioned something about catching the football wc final there! I swear I saw red.

Also, just a word here: Mr. Haigh's rant raised quite a few hackles, but I just laughed and laughed, because as soon as I read it I was reminded of this:

And now? The Test series v Sri Lanka to look forward to, followed by ODI series no. 87678 between India and Lanka (with NZ making a guest appearance. Gawd.)

Will we win? Will Mahendra Singh Dhoni's marriage affect his performance? Will it affect his team's performance? Will it create more fissures in an already cracked team? Will India be able to exorcise the ghosts of 2008? Will Sreesanth ever get to bowl again for India? Will Ishant Sharma ever get a proper haircut?

As Arnab Goswami's dulcet tones discuss these burning issues, I will turn off the TV till July 18, and I will hum, "When I get older, I will be stronger..."

Because I can.

(Also, I dedicate this post to my best friend, A, for nagging, encouraging, and prodding me back to blogging. Love you and hope you like. :D)

From Eye-Stabbing to Jaundiced

2010-03-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

One of the few pleasures of being a Chennai Super Kings fan is the sitting around during breaks, trying to come up with new names for the colour of their costume ("uniform" doesn't sit well with the whole shindig, and "gear"? Gaaah, I'll pass).

From digusting poetry ("like the buttery sunshine that breaks through dense foliage on a pleasant summer afternoon") to disgustingly medical ("purulent exudate from an abscess"), it's been rather fun. I used to settle for the all-occasions "Men In Startlingly Bright Yellow", but it these days it often vacillates between "Eye-stabbing" to just plain "jaundiced".

Was there any other point to supporting the team?

... Oh, oh right. The cricket.

I honestly believe if these jaundiced men had gotten their asses into gear at the right moments, our w/l tally would be 5-1.

See, the game against-

... okay, let me try that again. The GAME AGAINST P-

Oh, lord. Fine. THAT game. The game I'm trying my hardest to forget, the game that actually haunted my dreams the night I saw it played. We were - we -

Geez. But really: that exposed something vital in the inner circuitry of the team. And it has been malfunctioning ever since. Contrary to popular opinion, I believe Raina did the best he could. It's just that something vital's just missing. Against Punjab (yes, I said it - I think I may be moving on. No padded rooms for me, nossir), where our middle order was cracked open like a rotten egg, we found a man unable to handle the pressure that he is meant to handle: Albie Morkel. If Ashwin was determined to be monumentally idiotic in the last over, I would endeavour to say Morkel was even more so, in giving Ashwin the chance to be monumentally idiotic!

That's where, friends, we need Dhoni.

Dhoni isn't revered because he's got prodigious talent with the bat/gloves (he doesn't), or that he's the greatest tactician out there (he isn't), or because he's got some supernatural Jedi-like ability to calmly smile in the face of an approaching tsunami (he'd be sensible and run like hell). It lies primarily in his ability to go out there, see the situation for what it is, and stop it from going sideways (most of the time). He's built most of his success as captain/batsman in making sure his team doesn't fall into the hole it resolutely persists in digging, and that's exactly what we needed there, exactly what Raina provided in our win against Delhi (seems so long ago). Except he got run-out for a needless run (all run-outs are for "needless runs", if you'll notice) against Punjab, and neither Parthiv nor Albie had it in them to take up the responsibility.

This, needless to say, is worrying.

It was like watching your favourite cousin fail in the finals after topping the class the whole year. :(

So, anyway: major dent to the psyche? Check.

Next game: Bangalore.

Look, nobody was really expecting CSK to win this one, and being the gracious team that they are, they obliged.

But how!

CSK, here's a clue: if you're gonna lose, do it humiliatingly. 100 runs, ten wickets, I don't care. That's it. Make me not care.

Don't lose... like this! (because "going down fighting" is a load of bull-crap that doesn't change anything except make you depressed and anxious; "going down with a thump" is something you can laugh off and forget)

Raina was awesome on the field as captain. Like I said, responsibility does him good! I really liked his body-language, and liked even better that that language expressed in great stops and stunning catches.

Unfortunately, the Tamilians in the squad had been hit by an Evil Supernatural Jinx greasopalmus. It's a terrible blight. I present my case:

First, Balaji dropping Kallis off Morkel. "Lost the ball in the background"? Hm.

Second, Ashwin dropping Uthappa while nearly colliding into Tyagi. What are you playing, people? An under-15 friendly?????

Third, Vijay dropping Uthappa at long-on, with no excuse. It's the kind of catch he would catch blindfolded, one arm amputated and the other with just three fingers on. And he dropped it, with all his faculties in full function. Dropped it!

And 35 runs were scored in the next two overs! (And Raina, I thought, made a serious tactical error in saving up Balaji and Ashwin for the death. Either one of them in the end is risky enough. But both? Nuh-uh.)

And "Robbie" Uthappa won the MoM! And he has the NERVE to say that he "wanted to stay till the very end"! What he should've said is, "I'd like to dedicate this award to my South Zone teammates from TN, who were kind enough to recognise that my career as an international player is close to non-existent, and help me out in that regard, as they are generally wont to do, given their modest, reserved and helpful natures. Guys, I can't thank you enough. Three jigarthandas on me next time we play in Chennai."

"GAH" is sometimes all you can say.

So: 172? No big deal, right? Easy.

Except Parthiv gets out early and Raina makes Serious Tactical Error No. 2: George Bailey.

No. 3, yo. Raina, it's YOUR position, and nobody else's. Particularly if that nobody's name starts with "George" and ends with "Bailey."

Mr. Bailey ate up a lot of balls and regurgitated nothing, until I was practically begging at the TV, "George, just get out." He obliged, but only after getting Hayden run-out. And I had practically blown my last remaining fuse by then.

It was too much, too late for the rest, and we folded predictably. And guess how many runs we lost by?

Thirty-six.

I bet Vijay's hands were burning at that point.

Speaking of bets, next match: Mumbai. Again, not one a lot of people were expecting us to win, but hey, Dhoni's back! And that raises the awesomeness by a few hundred degrees.

Buoyed by all the awesomeness and annoyed beyond measure that a lot of my classmates seemed to supporting Mumbai ("Sachin's there" is NOT an excuse. Arre, does nobody get territorial about sporting teams anymore??), I proclaimed, rather bravely, that CSK was bound to win.

And we started off well, we did.

A) No George Bailey. All rounder replacing all-rounder, i.e., Perera (who I was frightened to find out is only a year older than me) replacing Kemp. Great.

B) Dhoni's playing.

C) That point deserves repeating. DHONI. IN THE TEAM.

D) Ashwin out, Jakati in.

E) Raina walking in at No. 3.

We batted well, Raina and Badri were so awesome, but they were never really able to... just. push. the. gear. up. one. more. notch. It was a bloody shame that we were able to scrounge up only 7 overs off the last over with two batsmen who'd been out there for 15 overs at the crease, but Malinga bowled genuinely well.

So. Bowling and fielding. The single most undisciplined effort I've seen from CSK all tournament. It was painful to watch: the sheer no of wides, no-balls, sloppy stops that gave the batsmen opportunities to sneak in extra runs - was this the same team that was so delightfully sharp on the field just a couple of games ago? We really need to pull ourselves together, and fast.

Still, a few timely wickets, and the match was sweetly balanced at the end of 16 overs.

Then Perera came on to bowl, and Dhoni said ten agonising minutes later, "Hm. That might have been a mistake."

Five full-tosses. "Juicy" as they say. All of them hit for four. Twenty-one runs off the over. It was like some sort of mini Groundhog Day: Perera would run in, bowl a full toss, Sachin/Pollard would flick it off, and poof! boundary, Perera would grimace and groan, and Dhoni would get this look that says, "well, it seemed like a good idea at the time...." and then Perera would run in to bowl again, and -

You get the general idea.

Game, set and match after that.

CSK need to do some collective soul-searching. I firmly believe that this is a team with vastly underestimated players - so underestimated, in fact, the players do it themselves. They've got to figure out their roles, and need to forget 21/3/2010. It never existed.

Also, we've got the absolute worst reserve bench in the whole of the IPL. Thishara Perera? Look, I know the guy was good in India last year for Sri Lanka, but he's young, inexperienced. I thought we had Thilan Thushara in the ranks? And you know who would've been perfect? Nuwan Kulasekara. I cannot believe that he wasn't snapped up by any IPL franchise (I think).

Local players? Hi, where are the bowlers? Playing for other teams! It's actually kind of pathetic. We've got a weak pool to choose from, it's sad.

Still, we're an awesome outfit. I love this team way too much to be cussing it for prolonged periods, and I think we're in for a turnaround. Lessee.

(And it's in these kind of moments that I really, really miss Amy. :( )

You know what Chennai's problem is? I'll tell you what it is.

2010-03-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been watching the IPL rather faithfully, but my laptop decided to up and die on me.

However! I believe it's been fixed (mostly), so, blog? Right, the blog.

Part of Chennai's problem is that they're too awesome for their own good. Who comes in where? Who gets to captain when Dhoni's injured? I was dubious about Raina being chosen (Badri, I thought, was a natural choice seeing as he's got actual captaincy experience, and has led India A and India Emerging Players on several occasions), but the responsibility seemed to do him some good against Delhi. I wasn't able to catch but the last 5 overs of Delhi's innings, where the fielding and the catching was really impressive. But more than anything else, I loved his batting. He took a leaf out of Mahi's book, and paced his innings well, staying there and finishing the job, even finishing the chase off with a six, as MS is wont to do. An emphatic 'screw you, we're all over this' to the opposition.

The only thing to avoid now is complacency.

The major part of Chennai's problem is their bowling. Look, I appreciate teams being objective about their supposed weak spots, but I think Chennai underestimates their bowling way too much. Give your bowlers a chance, yo - they're actually rather awesome, and the more you put them down, the more they're going to return the favour. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, or something. Just one more cliche (just to annoy you): you're only as good as your weak spot. And our weak spot ain't actually that weak.

Also, this got me thinking: are there no other pacers playing for Tamil Nadu? I'm aware of Yomahesh, who's playing for the Daredevils, and of course, there's Balaji, but who else? C Ganapathy? Dakshinamoorthy Kumaran? There's Rajagopal Satish, who's intrinsically awesome (yes, I watched the first ICL tournament which the Chennai Superstars won, and the ICL tri-series where Satish led ICL India to victories against ICL Pakistan and ICL world and I know, I'm jobless), but he's playing for the MI. I'm pathetically unaware of what TN is doing with its bowling stocks, it's sad.

(And what about Thiru Kumaran of the awesomely shiny pate? He did a good job for the Superstars, too - has he been picked up by any franchise?)

Third: the Mongoose. Seriously, my sanity is at risk. If I hear one more mention about that bat in conjunction with Hayden's innings, I'm going to snap. ("Mr. Mongoose"? Seriously?) I mean, what kind of attribute is that to a cricket bat? "I've got a longer handle and a shorter blade, but don't worry: I've got a bigger sweet spot!"? And the way the papers are hyping this, you just know it's not going to end well.

Speaking of the papers:

I get the Hindu, the Deccan Chronicle, the New Indian Express and the Times of India at my home (the whole newspaper + coffee in the morning is ingrained into our genetic makeup, so more papers means less fighting/tearing each others eyeballs out between family members in the morning), and the preview to the CSK v DD match in each of them was entertaining to read and compare.

The Hindu was diplomatic (and the only paper to not have a special IPL page: go, Hindu!) while reporting Dhoni's injury: said he'd be missing only two games, that his absence would be felt, but more than compensated by Hayden and Raina, who were bound to find form.

The Deccan Chronicle who spent a long time lovingly lingering over the DC v KXIP preview (and I swear, it's the only paper that calls them the "Bulls"), and declared that CSK was nothing (nothing, I say! Nothing!) without Dhoni. Hayden and Raina have failed to put bat to ball! Kemp and Morkel are stop-gap chokers! Flimsy bowling attack can't face up to the likes of Sehwag and Dilshan and deVilliers! The Apocalypse approaches! It also said that Dhoni was definitely to miss not less than three matches, so CSK was doomed (doomed, I say!).

The Times of India bypassed all the nonsense, solemnly declared that Dhoni was to have his arm checked on the 21st, and left it at that.

I didn't read the TNIE, because I hate it.

Bring on the paper wars, yo!

(Either that, or I'm reading waaaay too much into all of this).

EDIT: You know what the Deccan Chargers' problem is? I'll tell you what it is: Gilchrist. He talks way too much.

So, you know, on one hand, it's "yap yap yap" and the other hand his bat also goes "thwack thwack thwack", so: worst of both worlds if you're the opponent.

Pseudo-tension

2010-03-13T20:41:00.000-08:00

All you need to sum up yesterday's match between the Delhi Daredevils and Kings XI Punjab. After the fireworks earlier in the day? Boring.

Toward the end, the camera kept snapping to the Delhi bench, showing players apparently squirming with tension as Delhi chased 143. I'm not sure why. Maybe Mishra really wanted to go to the bathroom and was hoping they wouldn't need him out there in the middle at the last minute. Or something.

Because really? There was nothing to be tense about.

The most entertaining moment of the match came when Dirk Nannes muffed a straightforward stop and had the ball go straight between his legs for four. Or DK's overthrows that went straight down the ground for four.

Least entertaining? The constant Preity Zinta footage. KXIP hit a four? Here's Preity's reaction. KXIP lost a wicket? Here's Preity's reaction. Michael Jackson died? Here's Preity's reaction.

Then the commentators have to react to her reaction. "Look at her go" and the ilk.

Creepy.

Ooh, JUST when you think those smug smiles are gone...

2010-03-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

... Pathan gets out.

Wow, Yusuf Pathan, why don't you do this more often for, say, I don't know, the national team, maybe?

Nice match, some great batting all around - most of which I've forgotten because Pathan was so awesome. I was just thinking about how this whole thing was a done-deal at RR being 69/4 after 10 chasing 213, and how much I hated poor Ali Murtaza because he has a very close resemblance to a particular Tamil VJ I loathe on sight (seriously, it's Pavlovian), when Yusuf Pathan said, "Screw this", and hit three sixes in a row.

Then everything his bat touched scurried to the boundary. Can wood get scabies?

And yeah, I was hoping for those smug smiles to be blasted to smithereens - the Mumbai Indians, that is.

Did you see them grinning everywhere after the match? Dudes, next time you defend like this, you ain't gonna be as lucky. What if next time you score 120, huh? Huh?

Hi, IPL, it's not good for my digestion when you have me so actively against Sachin Tendulkar so close on the heels of loving him for his double-century super-awesomeness.

Just saying.

We are not entertained.

2010-03-12T17:30:00.000-08:00

... except by one teensy little insignificant thing called cricket, but we'll get to that later, shall we?

Look. I haven't watched cricket in a long while, OK? And I've been looking forward to this IPL. So while sitting down to watch the opening ceremony yesterday, I did not expect an absolutely unpalatable hodge-podge of poorly executed amateur gimmicks. Hi, people! 2010! Billions of rupees! Internet! International access to the best around the globe! Creative heads!

You can do better!

So it starts off with.... silence. The ceremony took the longest time to kick off, and meanwhile the camera kept panning over the crowd in the weirdest headgear. Weird headgear only = awesome when they're funny, people. These... were not funny.

I was reduced to watching reruns of Psych I'd already watched twice before when I heard that the ceremony had started. Eagerly I flicked channels. And seriously, Psych was helluva lot more entertaining.

There is this huge... cloth cuboid tent thingamajig that's slowly lifted off the stage in the centre of the ground, revealing... okay, the performers, I guess. The guy in front starts singing, and dude. It's the most boring song ever. Look, I'm as big an Abba fan as anybody, but, really? For this ceremony? For this tournament?

Indian Premier League! I.n.d.i.a.n.

Get a few local artistes, belt out some pop B'wood tracks, get the crowd on their feet, and everybody wins. What is this goshdarned obsession with foreigners? Look, if you're going to get foreigners, you might as well get Lady Gaga or somebody. Not some washed-out band that's decades old (no offence meant). The singers were the ones jumping about on the stage, shaking their made-up manes, trying to infuse some non-existent energy. The crowd? Maybe just slightly bewildered.

Then these people with the white dresses standing around the boundary came filing in.

Whoever came up with that idea, please fire him.

They were... look, I don't know. My brother suggested, "chefs" while my grandmother was pretty insistent they were "hospice nurses" or maybe "nuns". Personally, when some built in lights in their dresses started glowing, I was going for extras from a hybrid of Star Wars and The Omen (don't ask me why).

These lights were of different colours, and a lot of them didn't even work. They were scrambling about, ostensibly trying to get into some kind of formation, but I don't know. They were just going about with confused, embarrassed smiles on their faces. It was like slow torture, having to watch this (until I realised that, you know, I didn't have to watch it).

Then came Deepika Padukone and her ultra-short dance routine, with support dancers who were dressed in costumes so grotesque I can't even snark about them. The song selection started off great (I gotta feeling, by Black Eyed Peas) and quickly devolved into lameassery. And the dance moves? Were not even fit for exhibition on a Filmfare awards show.

When I came back again, they were showing a laser show on the big white tent, a sort of 'nostalgic' recap of the first two IPLs. And people, I was ready to lose it. Hello, you are only two years old! We haven't got short term memory loss, you know! We remember (like you ever let us forget)! Look ahead! Do something new and flamboyant and stop wasting our time!

And then came Lionel Ritchie and some song and some fireworks, but by that time I was tired and pissed off and wishing really hard for some cricket.

The cricket turned out to be actually kind of awesome (KKR def DC! That makes me happy) but it turns out there was one more annoyance lurking in the bushes:

In between balls of an over, the camera would shift to the digital board, which would blare out an ad in full volume.

And, listening to Akshay Kumar's inane, loony laughter while 'advertising' Micromax mobile for the umpteeth time, I really lost it.

I HATE THIS. I REALLY, REALLY DO. SHUT UP, PEOPLE. THIS EXCESS IS PISSING ME OFF SO BAD, I DON'T HAVE THE WORDS.

Either that, or I'm getting cynical in my old age.

EDIT: Oh, it would be amiss of me to not mention the match preview show. Navjot Singh Sidhu is back, with all of his metaphors and gesticulations, a hilarious counterpoint to the anchor's style.

So he's waxing poetic about "music as a language" and Mr. Kocchar decides to take a brave step beyond saying "Indeed" and adds "Music is really bubbly, it gets all the batsmen bubbled up" and somewhere I was dying out of laughter.

Now that's entertainment.

The height of audacity

2010-01-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

... is Sangakkara electing to bat first after winning the toss.

I'm sure a lot of us have already taken an India v Sri Lanka final for granted, but you didn't have to show it like that! This was not a dead-rubber! Don't you want to make things just that a little harder for India? You even went in with a full-strength team - against one that decided to rest its best opening batsman, its frontline spinner, and a senior pacer!

And after being trampled over by India, the man admits, "I don't think we learnt much by batting first."

All I can say to that?

It started with a century...

2009-12-18T09:25:00.001-08:00

... and ended with a misfield.

Thanks, Zaheer.

Never did get much out of catching half a dozen buses across the city to get to a TV showing the match, did I.

Oh well.

Do not want.

2009-12-18T06:13:00.000-08:00

They hate us. They really, really hate us!

India Darcy'd

2009-12-11T22:17:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the contrasting performances of the two captains playing at number three best described the proceedings in the Twenty20 played between India and Sri Lanka on Thursday.

Sangakkara, suave, authoritative and just as articulate with the bat as he is with the English language, blasted 60-odd off 20-odd, while Dhoni left with a failed attempt at (once again) transcribing his ODI game into his Twenty20 one.

While not as big an Austen fan as some of my contemporaries, I've been very fond of Leela's "brown Mr. Darcy" assessment of Kumara Sangakkara.

India's problems probably started before the match itself.

For one, it's bowling "attack". Nehra, Dinda, Ishant Sharma. Yusuf Pathan.

... What?

Ishant Sharma has been dropped from the ODI and Test teams. So why was he in the Twenty20 team? Has he confidence or recent good performances in the shorter versions of the game on his side? Was he successful in the IPL? Hell, was he even part of a successful team in the IPL?

And what was with Zaheer Khan being treated like a giant pista and rested for the Twenty20s?

The less said about the fielding, the better.

The last time India -- the same India that's ostensibly deriding the highest echelons of the game, ruthlessly promoting Twenty20 to the point of blatant exploitation -- won a Twenty20 international convincingly was October 2007.

India falling prey to a lack of seriousness in Twenty20 that used to characterise its opponents in the past?

I don't know, but then again, I don't know how else to explain the selection of the likes of Ishant, Dinda, Yusuf Pathan, Rohit Sharma.

Who's awesome?

2009-12-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

Why, Badri, of course.

And Vijay... is the captain? Tamil Nadu obviously now follows the last-person-to-have-played-for-the-national-team captaincy policy.

Floundering in hyperbole

2009-12-07T04:52:00.000-08:00

... not to mention crashing through stacks of meaningless rhetoric, tangling up in a bunch of sticky metaphors, eventually to fall into a roiling adjective soup, breathless descriptions cloying on my skin and rolling onto my laptop in great lumps... pretty much the kind of situation I find myself in when Virender Sehwag decides to play yet another of those innings.

It is usually prudent to give oneself sometime to regain lost breath, lest one starts giving into that sticky tangle of hilarious exaggeration (the Neandrathal comparsion's my favourite. Somewhere, Charles Darwin is rolling over in his grave... again). There's something about watching Viru Sehwag (and I don't think it an exaggeration when I say that it was indeed a Divine Intervention that the only full day of Test cricket I managed to catch all year was day 2 of the Mumbai Test) play that provokes intense emotion out of you. He nonchalantly spanks all and sundry on his way to 100, 200, 300... and you think, here's an epiphany. Even with the commentators regurgigating their usual staple of "No footwork, it's all exquisite hand-eye co-ordination" you think, you are obligated to say something about this. Because Sehwag sure ain't. It is brilliant, it is brutal, it's a million Thesauri meshed together into a savage beast of Biblical proportions as you search for -- and fail at finding -- words to fit in everything you wanted to say about Sehwag's innings. You are only more intent on celebrating this "simple, yet brilliant" mind when he comes out later with things like "I see ball, I hit ball."

He still says that, now with a smug matter-of-factness, probably amused at how people are fascinated by that statement of his. He probably still means it, but I'd like to believe that a lot of care, a lot of careful thought and construction go into each of his big innings. But even the cynic in me is defeated when he goes, "I was hitting only the bad balls, but in the dressing room they were telling me I was hitting some good balls too", or something to that effect.

In short, Virender Sehwag = all that's awesome about the Indian team right now. When he fires, he really fires; when he fails, it's not in half-measures, either.

And what can I say about Murali Vijay, other than he was really unfortunate to miss out on a well-deserved maiden ton? He looked delightfully assured and competent at the crease, and not for a moment was Gambhir missed. I loved how he kept the tempo up in the beginning as Viru settled at the other end. He is just so much awesome right now I can't even.

And Dhoni got his second century of the series. Wow. When it rains, it pours, huh?

And what a difference the return of Zaheer Khan has made to the team. Even though he didn't really start pulling his weight until toward the end of the series, just his presence, I believe, could rejuvenate our suddenly-floundering pace attack. It might be the most important plus point EVAH.

The Sri Lankans stuck around, and, uh, that's about it, really. There've been renewed murmurings about the presence/absence of the Umpire Decision Review System (or what the hell ever it's called), with Sanga going as far as to say that a couple of bad decisions cost them as much as 500 runs and possibly a victory or two.

Maybe, but the argument is moot when strong protestations against the newfangled thing are sounding with the backing of rock-hard evidence from the Aus v Windies series going on right now.

Either way, it's like stirring an old pile of stale shit, so.

The other big thing going right now is India's supposed ascension to the top of the ICC Test rankings with the 2-0 win against Sri Lanka. Lot of congratulations and chest-beating going on, tempered, of course, by some well-founded cynicism from other quarters of the cricketing fraternity. I agree, India haven't won enough overseas, the no 1 position is very fluid right now and can change hands frequently, India definitely is not the all-conquering champion side that West Indies or Australia once were. Check, check, check. But for now? That little rankings table reads like the way every Indian cricket fan has always dreamt it would read, for the first time ever. It's a nice moment, and the team and its supporters deserve to savour it while it lasts (except, of course, oh noes! The largely-accepted-for-the-past-eight-years ranking system is suddenly all WRONG because INDIA is no 1! Isn't that all kinds of unnatural? I mean, it's okay when the table shows Aus or SA at the top, cos that's how it'a meant to be, but India? Nah. And, oh, the Evil IPL is Evil. Just in case you'd forgotten.)

It kind of reminds me of my travails with Hindi in high school. I used to hate the language, and I believe the feeling was mutual. I scraped through the subject, until I came to my tenth Boards - the last time I'd be writing an exam for that subject. I was a jingling pile of nerves the day of the exam, and, despite being the most pathetic Hindi conversationist even this side of the Vindhyas, and getting my tenses mixed up practically every other paragraph, I passed with the highest distinction in the exam. "Pratham Shreni" says the certificate, still, and my mind still boggles at the sight. And how did I do so well? Pure dumb luck in that a lot of the questions I'd memorised the answers to made their appearance in the question paper, the fact that I was taking a less advanced Hindi course, and a little bit of innate ingenuity on my part at the time of writing the paper. I was surprised, more than a little pleased at seeing the high ranking, but I also knew exactly how much work I needed to actually put into my Hindi. Certainly I could blame the system for assigning qualifications to people who don't exactly deserve them, for the way the language is taught in schools with more emphasis on memorisation and rote than on conversation and free reading, but that's the way things are. Hindi and I have a much better relationship now - I hope - and perhaps one day I'll be deserving of the distinction I was awarded all those years back.

So, at the end of it all, what am I trying to say, you ask?

I have no idea.

Addendum: Only two Tests in the next 6 months??

Ridiculous. Can't wait for the South Africa tour -- in a year's time from now, I think -- already.

Zip, Zap, Zoom

2009-12-02T14:50:00.000-08:00

... and other such onomatopoeic expressions of 'where the hell did all that time go."

'Cause, really? I could've sworn that the Ill-Fated ODI series against Australia finished just now, and already we're in the final Test of a series against Sri Lanka, Dhoni scored his first Test century since the Stone Age (and it is a little scary when I mean that literally), everybody else is helping themselves to centuries apiece, Sreesanth, frickin' Sreesanth, back in the team and producing match-winning performances (not that, of course, I have anything against him or nothin'), India won its 100th ever Test win, and really, what?

Whatever happened to the deliciously slow build-up to Test matches, all that speculation, all that gathering of momentum. Conidering how much resources and how many brain cells are expended on each Test, you'd want to make each of them actually count, yeah?

Honestly? I can't blame Gambhir putting attending his sister's marriage before playing the third Test. After all, your sister gets married only once (hopefully).

Also, it means Murali Vijay gets to open, which, yay! I'd just spent a lot of time arguing with a friend a couple of days ago about how it was certain that Wasim Jaffer would make it ahead of Vijay -- experience, home ground, whatever -- but I'm super-happy he's gotten another chance at wearing the Test cap for India. Hopefully this time he'll get more than a couple of gritty forties and a Run-Out of Awesome.

Also? R Ashwin and Ashoke Dinda in the Twenty20 and ODI squads, leaving out Ishant Sharma. I heartily approve.

I was going to give some -- ostensibly -- deep insight about the first day of play at Mumbai, but then I came across this:

My first reaction was, "Holy hell, that's unhygienic!"

And then it all sunk in and a small part of me died inside.

Live? Live? Am I live? I sure hope so.

2009-11-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

Okay. Let me try a hand at this baby.

So, match ten minutes away from the start and India has already performed a miracle:

It has won the toss and elected to bat.

And, uh, unchanged team. Hm... fair enough, I guess. I'd still like to see Sudip Tyagi sometime in the future, but fair enough.

Johnson replacing Hilfenhaus for Australia. Um, okay?

Oh, and Guwahati. Last time we played there, Yuvraj and Dhoni totally pwned Pakistan, so, yay.

8:30 AM: Viru and Sachin opening, Johnson bowling, and Viru does not smack the first ball for four. Will miracles never cease.

Oh wait: he hits the second ball for six. Awesome.

Oh, and he gets bowled off the fourth ball of the over. Viru, you have been Disappointing. In fact, I believe you have regressed to the pre-2008 version of Viru Sehwag. Le sigh.

India: 7/1 after 4 balls of the first over, Gambhir, I think, next in to bat.

Holy shit, the second half of the Delhi duo now goes - Gambhir bowled off the last ball! Johnson, wow.

Dhoni, who ya gonna call?

The Ghostbusters, I mean, Yuvraj Singh.

India 7/2 after 1.

Un-freakin-believable.

After 5 overs: India 23/2.

WAIT. Even as I type, Sachin is OUT off the first ball of the 6 over!

WhatwhatwhatWHAT.

I need to see that again.

So, so, so, Bollinger is bowling, Sachin hits it back, and what the hell he CATCHES it!! Whaaat???

I dunno whether to be glad or to tear my hair out. For one we won't be defined by Sachin again.

For two, we are waist-deep in some serious shit.

Dhoni in, appeal for caught-behind off the very second ball he faces, not upheld, thank god.

DhoninYuvi, please. *cries*

Wow, in the words of Slater, the Aussies are "pumped"!

Oh, and Dhoni, I guess, is not the all-occasions Walker everybody thought he is. Worthy successor to Gilchrist, indeed. :)

After 8 overs: WHAT?

India 24/4, Yuvraj gone, lbw to Dougie Bollinger.

I reiterate: WHAT.

We are nose-deep in shit now. How long before we drown in it?

Raina in to bat.

After 9 overs: GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Raina out.

27/5.

I give up. Even the Aussies can't believe it.

... *sobs*

After 11 overs: 33/5. Ravi Jadeja's first runs come off an outside edge that falls just short of slip and runs for four. You people want to kill me, right?

After 15 overs: 36/5. Things still looking very dire, but Dhoni and Jaddu hanging on.

Ditzy Ritzy's bowling well. So is McKay.

So would any bowler worth his salt in a similar situation.

After 20 0vers: 50/5.

Dhoni and Jaddu hanging there, and that's the most we can expect at this stage, I guess.

And Dhoni's finished 1000 ODI runs for the year, the first Indian to do so, and as far as I know, the only one to do it for three years in a row.

After 26 overs: 65/5.

It's tough for DhoninJaddu, but they have to get out of this rut. They're scoring at just above 2 runs an over and while this might be an acceptable recovery in Test cricket, in ODIs? Not so much.

Tough, 'cause the Aussies are over the Indians like chickenpox, but what's gotta be done... gotta be done.

After 30 overs: 75/5.

Well, I've lost all my will to keep watching this travesty. First ball of the 31st over, Dhoni lbw to Bollinger.

So make that 75/6.

Poor Mahi. All that work for nothing. Bhajji in to bat.

... And Bhajji out, second ball duck. This's gonna end reeeeaaal fast.

75/7 after 30.3, PK in.

... and PK starts with a four. And I smile. Although I suspect it would look like a rictus.

After 36 overs: 97/7.

Keep at it, Jaddu and PK!

After 40 overs: 117/7.

PK and Jaddu beginning to look good. For one, they're going at 4+ an over, which is more than the previous partnerships managed to do.

I vote this the ideal time to take the batting Powerplay and unleash the Pee-Kay.

... and yeah. Dhoni listens (for once) and takes the Powerplay: overs 41-45. Lessee.

After 41 overs: Jaddu has completed his 50! *claps* Great job (although, you know, you were just dropped by Bollinger, ha ha, two drops in two matches for Dougie). Now just keep going, keep scoring. Also, you happen to have a uber-important job with the ball later, so.

After 44 overs: 149/7.

Praveen Kumar just tore apart Super!Debutant (TM) McKay for 14 runs, which included a fantastic six off the very first ball.

PK, marry me.

... I mean, uh, you're finally living up to your all-rounder billing. Yeah, good on you. *laughs nervously and slinks away*

... Uh oh. Jaddu just got out. 149/8. Oh well.

Okay, I must leave, for I still happen to have a life. Will miss the end of the innings and most likely the start of the Aussie chase, but hopefully not much.

Oh, and a five-for for Doug Bollinger! Congrats, mate!

This is... this is... I don't know WHAT this is.

2009-11-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

'Tragedy' seems too light a word to cover it.

Despite one of the greatest one day innings you will ever freakin' see, we lost.

Despite having just 19 runs to get off the last three overs, Tendulkar and a settled Jadeja at the crease, we lost.

What a chase. What a match - shuuure.

But we still lost by 3 runs.

Three. Freakin'. Runs.

PK was in tears after his run-out - inches, centimetres, bring out the smallest measurement you have - signalled the end of the match. I kind of am, too.

'Tis a great pity, Tendulkar carried the entire innings on his back, beginning to end, 175 glorious runs, and yes, I doubted his ability, but I still held out for a century from him today, and I was proved right. Once past 17,000, he soared. Raina joined him after a middle-order collapse and they were perfect.

Then Raina went. Okay, no problem. Jadeja came in and Jadeja was looking good.

Then --

There is this "turning point" question they keep flashing every now and then, right? Listing events from the match and asking us the so-called "turning point"? I figured all that stuff was moot as long as Sachin was there. At whichever stage of the match, Tendulkar's wicket would be the turning point.

And it was, even with 19 runs to get from 18 balls, it was.

Fallout will be interesting: Dhoni's powerplay strategy, his (ridiculous, imo) decision to send in Harbhajan Singh before Jadeja and Nehra before Munaf, will be questioned, among other things.

For now, everybody will just... roil.

A hat-trick of sixers and other such non-depressing things

2009-11-05T03:54:00.000-08:00

... In case it isn't clear, depressing things include mentions of this, Shane Watson, Shaun Marsh, India and fielding.

Thank you.

So there's another ODI that concluded today, right? In the relatively ignored but still entertaining Bangladesh v Zimbabwe series? A dead-rubber, as Bangladesh had already won the series, leading 3-1. To take my mind off the afore-mentioned depressing things, I decided to check the score.

At 47 overs, chasing 222 to win, Bangladesh was 198/9, 24 runs from victory. I figured Bangladesh had just pulled an India and was coming to pieces in the dead-rubber after having won the series. Definitely heard that story before.

Turns out this awesome dude called Naeem Islam never got the memo.

He proceeded to hit three sixes in a row in the next over, and the match was very nicely sealed up for Bangladesh in the 49th, complete with shiny bow. Of course, that doesn't talk about the tension until the last winning run had been scored, 'cause one mistake, one, and poof, all the hard work would've been for nothing.

Amazing, innit?

Kinda makes you wonder what it would've been like if Misbah had scored the winning runs in THAT game, the T20 WC '07 final, if he had successfully pulled Pak from the precipice like Islam did Bangladesh here. Whoa.

Exciting stuff.

And, uh, definitely non-depressing (damn you, Men in Blue - VirunGauti better open the innings today).

EDIT: Holy shit, we need 351 runs to win. Have the Cricketing Gods finished the day's quota for miracles with the Bangla win or is there still reason for India to hope?

Oh my god.

EDIT 2: For God's sake, SOMEBODY GIVE TENDULKAR COMPANY!!!!!

Anniversary thingamajig

2009-11-04T21:36:00.000-08:00

So it was when I was reading this post by Leela that I realised something very startling: it has actually been over a year since I started writing this blog (from Oct 5 '08, to be precise).

Not that I've blogged a whole lot, but still, it's been fun, y'know?

Discovered the cricketing blogosphere only July last year, where knowledgeable and entertaining perspectives were given on the game without creaking and tottering in the narrow grip of professional diplomacy.

I figured that since I had a compulsion to write about anything and everything that interested me (leading to quite a few embarrassing moments as my careless scribblings would be invariably be discovered by somebody else in the household) I might as well start one of my own. Let the snark and the fangirling flow. Being a lurker myself, I didn't expect anybody else to read this, let alone make like-minded friends, but I'm glad to have been proved wrong. :D

So... yeah. Yay me.

Addendum: Apparently the BCCI has banned the Services team from the rest of the Ranji tournament as they refused to appear for a match against J&K in Srinagar owing to 'security reasons'.

Am I the only one who burst out laughing at the irony in that one? If I'm right, 'Services' is supposed to represent the army.

Oh well.

Addendum 2: Oh, and today's the fifth ODI between Ind and Aus, in Hyderabad, if I remember right. It's been pouring cats and dogs in Chennai over the past week, let's hope the weather is kinder there.

Also also, Peter Siddle has gone home with injury, and Henriques is down too. Why oh why couldn't it have been Doug Bollinger?

Also hoping to see Tyagi instead of Ishant today. It won't happen, but I can hope.

Addendum 3: Also apparently, in the newest "Let's beautify the Marina!" wave, cricket on the Marina has been banned.

Now, I've never actually played cricket there, but I know a lot of my cousins and friends do, so I express my Obligatory Incredulous Outrage on their behalf.

Thank you.

The night of the Run-Out and myriad annoyances

2009-11-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

... not the least among them being the fact that India lost despite turning in their best bowling/fielding performance in over a year and a half.

I'll get there soon.

So, okay, I haven't blogged in a while, right? I've got several totally valid (seriously) reasons for that:

a. I'm lazy.

b. I haven't watched a cricket match in its entirety since India toured West Indies in July.

c. Apparently, studying to become a doctor is about as tough as it sounds.

d. I'm lazy.

e. India didn't play for a long time and the Ashes were yawn-worthy.

f. ... did I mention I'm lazy?

But really, the thing that had me cringing away from cricket for a while there? The overdose of Twenty20. Look, I'm about as big an advocate for the shortest format of the game as they come, and there has been nothing that has annoyed me more than players and administrators alike ridiculing and belittling a format of the game they are supposed to represent ("We lost the tournament because we didn't take it seriously" smacks of so much unprofessionalism, it's pathetic, it's holding yourself above the sport when you let your performances make obvious what you'd rather be playing), but the recent overload and gimmickry is just as harmful. IPL 2009 followed immediately by the T20 WC was exhausting enough, but also the Champions League? No. No WAY. E-N-O-U-G-H.

It was not until yesterday morning that I even found out who won the damn thing. The tournament format by itself was interesting enough, but I vote we have actual Indian domestic teams playing in the League, instead of the IPL teams representing India because the "Indian" teams are about as Indian as I am Polish. I am glad none of the IPL teams made the semis, and Mr. Roebuck puts things into perspective rather nicely here. We do have annual domestic T20 tournaments here, right? If I remember right, the winner of the inaugural one was Tamil Nadu (and I was seriously pissed that not a single member of the victorious team was considered for the squad that was sent for the WC in '07), and it'd be interesting to throw our domestic teams into the fray and see how they match up. DISCONNECT IT FROM THE IPL. PLEASE.

Anyway, coming to the on-going series. Despite everything, I'm actually rather happy with our performance. I was driven into the heights of ecstasy with Dhoni's century at Nagpur (LONG overdue, yo) and India's successful salvage operation at Delhi. This is an excellent ODI team, there is absolutely no doubt about that. I wasn't even annoyed with the disappointment in the Champions Trophy (aside from the fact that we lost to Pakistan), I still feel we were desperately unlucky at South Africa. Apart from fielding what was far from our best XI, I don't think we got a chance to make up for the Pakistan loss, given that the game against Australia was washed out. It doesn't seem fair to really judge India's performance there, unlike the T20 WC '09, where we were pathetic and deserved to be booted early.

However, once people start acknowledging their potential, this team has an unfortunate habit of coming to pieces.

Yesterday's game was preceded by endless by-lines of "India'll become no. 1 when they win this game" and "Sachin just 47 runs away from 17,000 ODI runs" to the extent that I was deeply tempted to throw something at the television. Take the spotlight off the Aussies, underestimate them, distract the Indians... yeah, thanks a lot, guys.

Coming to the game itself, India's performance on the field up-first was a pleasant surprise (with the obvious exception of Ishant Sharma), wickets, direct hits, slick stops galore! I could hardly believe I was watching the same team that had been playing for the past one year. When Australia folded for 250 and the camera showed a delicious close-up of Ponting's face shrivelling when the last few Australian wickets fell in an ungainly heap, I allowed myself to Hope - to hope that this Indian team had found itself capable of going for the jugular of the opposition no matter the expectations placed on them, no matter the milestone waiting to be achieved. The way we started our chase only heightened the feeling.

If India's fielding was a sweet burst of endorphins through the system, Sehwag bludgeoning Mitch Johnson in the beginning of the chase was a hypodermic of adrenalin straight to the heart. No way we can lose this, I thought, as the 5th over finished with the scoreboard reading 40/0.

Of course we all know how things turned out after that.

Apart from Johnson's excesses in the first few overs (if I were a conspiracy theorist, I might say they were a cunning ploy to get Sehwag to cut loose and play similar shots against good bowling and get himself out - which is eventually what happened. Ha ha, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR.), the Aussie bowling was commendable. Bollinger seemed damn near unplayable and even Henriques, who looked lacklustre in Delhi, seemed challenging. The real turning point that pushed the match toward Aus was of course, Sachin's dismissal, and later, Yuvi's unfortunate run-out.

Sachin was frustrating last night, and I fancy that he was frustrated, too. Every run he scores takes him closer to that 17,000, he knows it, the opposition knows it, the crowd knows it, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE KNOW IT. That big scoreboard was also kind enough to display some sort of perverse "countdown" wherein every time Sachin took the crease, it'd display "Sachin needs xx runs to get to 17,000 career ODI runs" or whatever. That there? Is mighty annoying. Priorities, people! And what's the point anyway? Every run that Sachin scores now is a world record. Even though Sachin leaving at 40 to what can only be called a dubious leg-before decision (to be fair, it's probably the first dubious decision of the series) hurt India, I was sort of perversely glad.

And Yuvi's run-out. No, Australia, you still haven't found out how to break the power of the YuvinDhoni. Run-outs by centimetres don't count.

There followed a predictable middle-order collapse (yawn). And voila, Aussies victors by 24 runs.

Dhoni, hailed as captain extraordinaire just two days ago, bombarded with doubts: Was Kohli coming at three the right thing? (If you ask me, I'd've preferred Raina or Dhoni there, but that's just me) Was it right to elect to chase? Where did the pacing go wonky? And what is with Ishant Sharma?

Thing is, it was a riveting ODI in a riveting ODI series that's now tied 2-2, advantages, momentum negated. Both sides go into a three-match series with empty slates. Who said ODIs are dying?

Lessee the Indians picking themselves up and givin it back to the Aussies.

Chi chi, Ricky!!

2009-08-22T05:54:00.000-07:00

(image courtesy of cricinfo)

Looks like Ponting's been working away at the vethelai paaku. You know, the ones he's going to adorn the golden plate with when he gifts the Ashes urn to England.

Although he should probably know that he's not in India to be spraying it around as a natural air-conditioner.

Seriously, though? Poor Ricky. What a spectacularly boring way to lose the Ashes.

In other news, this be my 50th post. Which, hello, achievement, considering I'm worse than a three year old with ADD when it comes to these things.

A matter of gloves

2009-06-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

So I've been noticing Mushfiqur Rahim's wicketkeeping gloves.

They look incredibly familiar.

Why? That camouflage design. That pseudo-military-whatever-type pattern. That's Dhoni's gloves. His supposed custom designed gloves that also got him into a bit of trouble in Australia '08.

Exactly the same, right down to that little patch of brown tape on the left glove.

It's got me thinking: how? Why?

Here are my theories:

1. Obviously Dhoni is a pioneer. A fashion maverick in the cricketing world. About time other wicketkeepers started emulating him, eh?

2. Rahim probably thought he could cinch a bit of Dhoni's luck by copying/stealing (where's that dressing room security?) his gloves. Unfortunately all he's been able to supernaturally cinch is Dhoni's 'keeping skills (or lack, thereof) as was evident in that stumping he missed off Rohit Sharma - who, by the way, was so far out of his crease it should technically have been a run-out.

3. Dhoni's been discarding his old gloves and decided to give a pair to Rahim as a motivational gift out of the goodness of his heart. You know it's true.

4. Their cricketing kits have been either Confiscated/Burnt/Lost/kicked out of the plane, so they're sharing the one pair of gloves that Dhoni managed to smuggle under two layers of designer jackets.

Which one of them is true, I wonder. Oh well, at least the journos have something to ask in the post match press conference that won't be met with a barrage of mumbled and badly pronounced cliches.

In other news, apparently a game called Twenty20 cricket is going on. In fact, I hear, it's actually a World Cup. I hear people like Chris Gayle, Jesse Ryder and Yuvraj Singh have played innings that have been often described as "scintillating."

For me? I'm just experiencing the joy of listening to Harsha Bhogle again. And Wasim Akram, who keeps wanting me to "look at the noise", but honestly, Mr. Akram, I'm sorry, I'm not able to see it.

Not to mention the billion ads that often come in between balls of the same over (honestly, the IPL was so much better in that regard, at least they waited till the end of the over), but I don't mind anyway, because every second ad has Dhoni endorsing products ranging from cell phones to ceiling fans, looking debonair, gleeful (and occasionally appearing in really short running shorts and sending me into transports of glee) and suave.

New Zealand to win this year's T20 WC.

I DON'T LIKE THIS

2009-05-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

Bangalore need 35 runs off 4 overs.

I thought: wow. Is this possible? Is Murali really actually made of that much awesome?

Then. Raina. Two sixes.

Then. Murali. A six.

Vijay Mallya. Jumping up and about with his cronies.

Blood pressure. Fuming. I don't like this. Do you hear? I DON'T LIKE THIS.

Jacob Oram for the penultimate over, 12 runs to get. Have you gone terminally crazy Dhoni?

First ball. Full toss above the waist, hell, below the chin - no ball. Four. Possibly a six.

That was a yorker in which alternate universe, Jacob?

7 runs to get in 2 overs.

Bangalore win.

Through to the finals to slug it out with Deccan.

There were people going about how great it was that the entire Southern Brigade was in the semis, but I would much rather have us losing to Mumbai, Delhi, Punjab, whatever, rather than Bangalore.

Bangalore vs Hyderabad in the final. Just how wrong is that?

I predicted this all along but I'm so pissed off I don't even know anymore.

Just. Just.

Bloody Hell.

Damn you, Dhoni.

No. Just no.

2009-05-23T06:46:00.001-07:00

Lalit Modi hints at two IPLs in the same year.

Bull shit. 'Nuff said.

Also, am at home to watch the second semifinal. Chennai vs Bangalore, live. Bring it on!

Chennai have never looked like champions this tournament and I'm frankly surprised that they've made it this far. Absolutely pathetic.

Bangalore on the other hand have also never looked like champions (quite frankly, only Delhi ever did, and we all know now what happened to them), but at least they haven't served up pathetic like Chennai has. And Anil Kumble is on a wild high. And their fielders can actually catch . That's something.

Let's see if the Men in Startlingly Bright Yellow can get their act together at least this time and put all their hands up in a convincing win that belies their run so far in the tournament.

... What? I totally support Chennai. I just believe in tough love.

Also came across an interesting interview of Albie Morkel and he talks about the dressing room team song.... written by Stephen Fleming and George Bailey. I mean, WTF? (I would love to hear it)

I was talking about this to a friend of mine. She was confused. "Don't they already have a team song? I mean, Chennai, Chennai Super -- "

"Nope this is different. Dressing room stuff. Top secret."

A small pause, before, "Oh. Makes total sense. An excellent idea."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, what if one of them gets lost or something? It's like one of those old movies where long lost brothers find each other by humming the same song. Nifty stuff."

"... Oookaay..."

"Yeah, seriously!" She began to get excited. "Picture this: Dhoni all alone, lost in South Africa, humming the song, and somebody like Albie Morkel happens to hear it, he'll know, right? And then he'll come rushing and go --"

"Emmmm Esssss!" we crowed together, and found coherence through laughter only thirteen minutes and 56 seconds later.

Yes, I'm totally mature and I keep totally mature company, I know. As if you hadn't figured that out already from how mature this blog is.

Sanga Kumagarra, he's DLF-ed it!

2009-05-22T04:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes indeed he has, Danny Morrison.

This IPL, it's a fascinating thing. Even miles from the nearest TV (a sad, sad fact that I never have and never will stop harping about) this year's tournament has had me just as captivated, annoyed, tired and wishing greatly for a shiny scythe and magical teleportation abilities to South Africa (or maybe just a couple of free plane tickets. And NO WITNESSES.) The Internet is there, sure, there's the online commentary, there're the wonderful blogs to read, and even when that's not available, there's my mobile phone and the meagre updates that it can provide, like little crumbs I can pop into my mouth and savour. Somehow, following the IPL from a distance has made it even more enjoyable, where I'm not wearied by the cricket, by the hype, or by the incessant prattling of the billion news channels and the zillion match 'preview and analysis' shows. No greater joy than eagerly seeking out match news with like-minded friends in between classes, after finishing this test, while preparing for that exam.

And 'sides, it makes the actual few times that I get to see live cricket all that much sweeter.

I've seen/read/heard a lot of complaints, taunts and general bullshitting about the commentary, but honestly? I think I'm enjoying it. Seriously. Aside from the annoying sponsor-name-whoring, I don't think it's any different at all from what I usually hear. But then again, I've been brought up as cricket fan on a diet of supreme mediocrity from Neo Sports and related channels. I have never once been able to escape the horrors of Rameez Raja, Arun Lal, Ranjit Fernando, Laxman Sivaramakrishnan, Waqar Younis, Wasim Akram, Aamir Sohail et al.... so yeah. I'ma gonna take what I ca' get.

Like Danny Morrison. Lord, do I love his accent. Half the time I don't even listen to what he's saying. Even when he's horribly mauling Sri Lankan names. :-D

Anyhow, the IPL has finally finished with its league phase, and the semifinals are here.

Time for a brief set of reflections and recriminations.

First off, MUMBAI. Mumbai, Mumbai, Mumbai. HOW. How could you do this to me. Several times before and during the tournament I had pegged MI to be the champions this year because they just seemed so right to me on so many counts. In terms of team balance, in terms of form and performance, reserves and support staff, they looked - and still do - like a stable and strong squad, well and truly capable of taking the IPL by storm. The cool, well-planned and efficient way they defeated Chennai in the first match of the tournament only seemed to reaffirm that for me.

Then what did they do?

Why, they proceeded to choke, choke, choke, and then choke one more time, lose a series of matches they really ought not to have lost, and then ended up not qualifying for the semifinals, finishing only ahead of the pathetic Kolkata Knightriders.

So yeah, thanks for nothing, Sachin.

Secondly, I will never cease marvelling at Deccan's and Bangalore's amazing turnaround of fortunes this year. After ending up at the very bottom of last year's table, these two teams have ended up in this year's semifinal lineup, and it didn't take any radical changes to their team to do it this time, either. Deccan started off strongly before channelling their inner Chennai to waver a bit, lose and win an odd game here and there, and finally end up doing just enough to qualify for the semis.

As for Bangalore, Mr. Kumble, who are you and what have you done with the real Bangalore Royal Challengers, huh?

Thirdly, Delhi. 10 wins out of 14 matches, super-strong batting, a bowling attack so good they can afford to bench somebody like Glenn McGrath, razor-sharp fielding, and most importantly, that extra bit of luck, that innate champions' mojo that's seen them through most tight situations. Favourites for the trophy, right?

Maybe. I can't really bring myself to care. Maybe it's because I've been to Delhi once, and my memories of the city aren't great. Maybe it's my inherent dislike of AB deVilliers, Dinesh Kaarthick and Dirk Nannes (don't ask me why, I have no idea), I dunno.

But I am glad VirunGauti are back in action - at last. Bodes well for the national team in the upcoming World T20.

Fourthly, CHENNAI! Lord, for all that I love and support the Super Kings, they've managed to infuriate me like nothing else has for the last month. First off, the muddled thinking when it came to the bowling. The fact that Dhoni very conveniently managed to forget certain bowlers in his XI (hello, Shadab Jakati!), the fact that Gony was being almost mindlessly persisted with, the fact that Morkel seemed to wilt under pressure almost each and every time, the fact that Balaji's death bowling would come apart in the most inopportune moments, the fact that Muralitharan wasn't performing upto expectations nearly as much as one would want him to, considering he's the one quality international specialist bowler in the eleven... all that added up to the weakest bowling attack in the IPL.

A weak bowling attack that never ceased to slap you upside the head with its performance from match to match.

From bowling out Bangalore for 87 and keeping Punjab to just 92 for 8 in 20, to utterly failing to defend 188 runs against the most pathetic team in the tournament (that match had my blood pressure off the charts, it did) and nearly making a meal of defending 185 against Punjab before the Preternaturally Awesome Raina bailed us out... it was quite a ride. And this was without somebody like Makhaya Ntini getting a lookin.

That's not to mention the fielding, which, hello. Not. even. worth. talking. about. I'll say this though: after Bangalore's finished whupping our asses this Saturday, it'll be those dropped catches and stuttering ground fielding that'll come to haunt the Men in Startlingly Bright Yellow, and no amount of "it was pathetic" and "we're repeating our mistakes" from Dhoni will do anything to change the final results.

The batting's not too tough to figure out: it had Hayden as the centre of its little personal universe, with Raina being the other shining beacon. Dhoni took some time to kick off, but did hit form somewhere in the middle. However, even his most successful outings in the centre came in partnership with either Raina or Hayden, which meant that our famed lower middle order turned out to be a Big Flop, with neither Morkel or Oram living up to expectations. I had Albie pegged as Chennai's go-to man before the tournament - things have unfortunately panned out otherwise. Obviously I should cross out "oracle" and "bookie" from my list of future career options (what, you can totally become an oracle after completing your medical degree!)

Badri had his moments, and I am just so impressed with and excited for Suresh Raina. His consistency with the bat this tournament has been wonderful, and he totally should've become the first Indian centurion in the IPL if it had not been for that stupid scoreboard in Centurion (hello, irony!). And his bowling? Wow! The part-timers have been burning it up this tournament. I mean to say, hat-trick to Rohit Sharma? Two hat-tricks to Yuvraj Singh?? Unbelievable.

Despite all the things that nagged me about CSK, they did manage to qualify for the semis in second place. We always had somebody or the other stand up for the team - in ways big or small - when it really mattered, and once they get their selection matters sorted out in a clearer way (read: select Ravichandran Ashwin some more!) we might actually have a very realistic chance to turn the ass-whupping tables on Bangalore in the semifinal this Saturday.

Maybe.

But hey, Dhoni obviously hasn't lost his captaincy mojo, and in the end, that may be all that matters.

Oh, Rajasthan... how the mighty do fall! From last year's champions to not qualifying for the semis this time round... I always did know the entry of The Shetty was going to do no good. That said, however good a captain Warne is, there're some gaps that can't be filled, and Tanvir and Watson did leave some pretty large gaps in the Rajasthan scheme of things.

As for Kolkata Knightriders and Kings XI Punjab, I really couldn't give a damn about either
team. Except to say that I do like most of KKR's players, and therefore, strangely, took a great amount of pleasure in witnessing their self-destructive spiralling through the tournament, before staging a mini-renaissance toward the end that turned out to be too little, too late.

Fifthly, the under-19 players in the tournament. Hearing that Mangal, oops, sorry, Manish Pandey had hit the first Indian century of the IPL (who'd've thunk, huh?) made me rack my brains about where I had heard that name before, until it came to me: from the victorious Indian outfit that had won the Under-19 world cup last year! For all that I dislike the team, I gotta appreciate Bangalore's insistence on playing its younger dudes. Virat Kohli, Sreevats Goswami, Manish Pandey... and then there's people like Jaskaran Singh and Ravi Teja for Hyderabad, Ravindra Jadeja, Kamran Khan and others for Rajasthan, and Pradeep Sangwan for Delhi... these are the youngsters who've been backed by their respective teams and been performing more often than not. That's why it distresses me that Chennai don't follow a similar policy - leaving aside whether they can afford to or not - that they sent away their two U-19 players - Abhinav Mukund and Napoleon Einstein - before the tournament had even started. Which is why I'm desperate for the further inclusion of someone like Ashwin and/or Vijay. I'd like more Tamil Nadu players to cheer for, alright, Dhoni?

... Oookay. This ramble has gone on long enough. I'll be going home this weekend - just in time to catch the second semifinal and the final, ha ha - so I expect to be blogging a bit about those two games. Looking forward to an exciting end to a memorable tournament.

Head says Delhi, heart – as always – says Chennai. Lessee.

And somebody please shoot Mandira Bedi. With a tranquiliser gun at least, if not the real thing.

The stuff of nightmares

2009-05-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

So there I was, soaking in a typical early morning, a cup of piping hot filter coffee in my hands, rifling through the trusted pages of The Hindu, running over in my mind the various causes of prostate cancer, occasionally pausing to either ponder upon the Meaning of Life, or giggle at a picture of Dhoni or a specially inviting mental image of Jared Padalecki.

It was then that I saw this picture:

At first I thought it was the picture of a grotesquely malformed infant with some serious hormone imbalance issues.

It was only a couple of seconds later that I realised it was Andrew Symonds sans dreadlocks.

I might be mentally scarred for life here, people.

Agonising just got a new name

2009-04-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

Yep, it has.

It's called "being a CSK fan".

As I start this post, CSK are 179/9, 11 runs to get off the last 2 balls, tailenders getting themselves run-out all over the place to get Morkel on strike.

Likely we're about to lose by 10 runs or less. Figures that the only two close matches in this year's tournament so far involve CSK. I'd like to spin some spiel about how "CSK always go down fighting", but we all know that's not the truth.

Ah, look, there's the result: CSK lose by 9 runs. Great.

There seems to be a central theme to the team's performance over the two seasons of the IPL. One, everything we do at the death sucks. Our bowling, our batting, our fielding. Today we got the most awesome start to the chase we could dare to ask for, with Hayden going bonkers at the likes of Nannes, Salvi and Nehra. Parthiv was giving him fantastic support, and after him Raina got smoothly into his groove as well. 40-odd runs to get off the last 5 overs. Piece of cake.

We score barely 30-odd runs in the last 5, losing 6 wickets, after going at more than 10 in the first 15, losing 3.

It happened quite a bit in last years' edition, too (with a few notable exceptions). This time, too, that Flintoff over that conceded 22 runs. Morkel's series of gaffes (that extended to his batting, too, but I'll get to that later). Muralitharan proving to be expensive as well. Gony feeding Dilshan boundaries. Ha ha, IRONY that Balaji turned out to be our best bowler today.

Another was how we completely failed to latch onto the big moments. Yeah, you know the ones. The match-turning kind. Like Suresh Raina dropping Yusuf Pathan (who was then only in single-digit figures) in the final last year, Morkel dropping AB today, or Flintoff bowling that one rubbish over in the end that goes for way too many runs than it should. Hayden dropping Tendulkar. Gony being rubbish on the field.

It's okay if your team is trampled upon by the opposition, I can toss my head back and belly-laugh it out of my system. Like the time RR had Sohail Tanvir put us through the meat-shredder the first time CSK played them last year. I could only laugh and laugh and laugh and think "it sucks to be them right now, huh."

Except most times CSK lose like this and I'm left tearing my hair out.

AB deVilliers has won the man-of-the-match, I think.

No fair. The man-of-the-match award should go to Mr. Morkel. He was the one who won it for the Daredevils after all.

16.2
Salvi to Morkel, no run, short, sitting up for the pull, but Morkel mistimes, and plays it straight to midwicket. Dot Ball. That's big

16.3
Salvi to Morkel, 1 run, another short delivery, Morkel is a touch late into the pull, and only just manages to clear AB at midwicket

18.4
Vettori to Morkel, 1 leg bye, lovely bowling again, Morkel looks to make room, Vettori follows with an arm-ball, getting just a leg-bye
18.5
Vettori to Gony, SIX, and Gony turns it around, Vettori had bowled so far this game, with this flighted delivery is clubbed from down on a knee, this could well be eight over midwicket boundary

19.1
Nannes to Joginder Sharma, 2 runs, Joginder makes room, lofts it over extra cover, but they stroll only for two
19.2
Nannes to Joginder Sharma, 2 runs, just short of a length, Joginder slaps it to wide of long-on, and they take two again. Surprising? Wouldn't they want Morkel on strike?

No, Mr. Commentator, they wouldn't.

I'm sorry if I'm being unfair to Morkel - it's possible that he just had a really crappy day - but I'm deeply frustrated with the Men in Startlingly Bright Yellow right now. Chokers, that's what they are. First-rate Chokers.

Dhoni's saying that he hoped his bowlers were paying attention to the way Delhi bowled at the death. Yeah, Freddie, that one was especially for you. Considering you've been quite the Magnanimous One with your bowling at the death, in both the matches that we've lost so far.

Damn it all. Chennai's gonna end up choking its way to the bottom of the table. No use in claiming that we lose decently.

Then they can all come back to their chicken biryanis and thayirsaadams and Padmashrees and watch Mumbai play Delhi in the final on a big flatscreen TV.

It's all a conspiracy, yessir, it is

2009-04-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

Chennai is playing Delhi in the IPL.

Forced to come home by illness, I'm sitting here watching Chennai shit all over their dreams of winning.

I'm watching AB deVilliers hit a CENTURY. I'm watching Flintoff getting carted around for 22 runs in the penultimate over. I'm watching Dhoni getting ready to silently combust.

More than anything, I'm sitting here watching Albie Morkel lose us the game.

Sample this:

15.2
Gony to de Villiers, 1 run, and AB enjoys the good luck for longer, lofted straight to Morkel at long-on boundary, and Morkel drops an absolute sitter

And then:

16.1
Morkel to de Villiers, FOUR, and Morkel is being tormented more by his compatriot. He bowls a fulltoss, and smacked over midwicket. AB is cashing in remorselessly
16.2
Morkel to de Villiers, SIX, He is a sucker for punishemnt, is Morkel, another fulltoss, AB goes midwicket again, but higher, and for a six. is he looking at 200?

What's going on?

And then earlier, Mr. Morkel was spouting this shit about how the players' respective boards had instructed them not to divulge too many secrets to their ipl teammates prior to the T20 WC.

Mr. Morkel, I usually think you are seventy five and a quarter different kinds of awesome, but if your only purpose today was to come and give your South African teammate some batting practice, you might as well have opted out of this gig.

Yeah, you SUCK, Mr. Morkel.

I'm just going to take my medicine and go to sleep and not watch Chennai lose.

Which they undoubtedly deserve to.

AB deVilliers. Seriously, guys? SERIOUSLY?

And because I couldn't resist

2009-04-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know I did the Almost-Drama-Queen with the "farewell"s in the previous post, but I couldn't resist slipping this in before taking the deadly plunge into my books:

Ha ha ha. I mean, ha ha ha. This pic made me blush pretty damn hard.

I'm still trying to recover from the vertigo.

Also also? Chennai Super Kings are SO gonna win this year. Because I couldn't resist a bit of last minute propaganda.

(just don't let Robin anywhere near MS)

(or, you know, DO) :D

Randomness and a brief farewell

2009-04-14T07:09:00.000-07:00

So, okay, I'm (more than) a little late here, but a hearty congratulations to the Indian team for their series win in New Zealand. Seriously. Hearty. With claps on the back and all that shit because they? They proved me totally, utterly and completely wrong. So, okay, maybe I wasn't keeping track of NZ much to realise that they are the 8th ranked team in the world, with a batting order that's non-existent unless Ryder and Taylor are batting together, and the less said about their bowling the better, and that most tracks in NZ are good enough to take my first driving lesson on, but still - you know? First time in 40 years. That's gotta count for something, some champagne and a bit sprayed around.

This is going to be my last post in a while, as final exams are fast approaching and I most likely will not have much time for cricket, leave alone blogging - at least until some time late June. Which of course means I'll be missing the bulk of the IPL, as well as the Twenty20 World Cup (which, by the way, is spread over the exact two weeks as my final exams, screw you, Fate), but hey. ... Um.

Let's try that again.

- but hey. Er.

No good. Can't see the bright side to this.

OH CRUEL AND CAPRICIOUS FATE, I THINK I KIND OF HATE YOU.

... Yeah.

A few (really) random thoughts before I leave:

1. About the Infamous Declaration of Doom in the last Test against New Zealand. I remember being a little wary that last day, cautiously scrounging around the web for opinion, but criticism took a surprising amount of time to build up. Once it did start, though, everybody seemed to rush in to get their finger in the pie. It reminded me of typical classroom politics - furitive looks exchanged in a death silence as nobody is brave enough to voice an opinion everybody wants to, and when somebody does take the initiative, the roof is brought down by the chorus that follows. As for me, I honestly did not have any problem with the declaration, even bringing the weather in as a factor. It seemed to me like an ideal score to declare at - put the match well and comprehensively out of NZ's reach, make sure the series win is secure, then really go for it. I mean, even with the weather, India still got to bowl at NZ for a day and a bit, and if it were not for the horrendous catching, could've easily bowled them out, and the criticism would not have been even a quarter of what it is now. More than the timing of the declaration it was the attitude of the Indians that irritated me. That final session on the 4th day, where it seemed like they were just fooling around? I threw the remote at the TV and stomped away cursing this team to an eternity spent at No. 3. Because? With this kind of fielding and attitude, that's how far I see them going.

2. Australia lost the ODI series to SA, and while I'm happy about that - obviously - it totally ruined for me all the cool comments that could be made about this tour being a clean photographic negative of the Saffers' tour of Australia earlier this year. I was kinda liking the symmetry.

3. Callum Ferguson is cute.

4. Wayne Parnell. Out of all the people in the Under-19 WC last year, this dude impressed me the most, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he was winning matches for the national team as well.

5. SuperSport commentary kind of sucks.

6. SETMax sucks even more. Not really looking forward to the TV coverage of the IPL this year.

7. The Mumbai Indians are looking scary good for the IPL this year. My money's on them to win it this time 'round.

8. Also, this? Ha ha ha, good one. Overboard with the sarcasm, perhaps. Like, really overboard.

9. I was disappointed - and admittedly, still am - when the IPL was forced to South Africa, but at least now I have one reason to feel happy that the boys ain't playing here: the weather here, it be MURDEROUS. At least in Chennai, it is. Every freakin summer it gets worse. I can't imagine anybody willingly staying out there for more than an hour at a time even with all the Gatorade in the world. Unless, you know, they have air-conditioners built into their uniforms or some such shit. I remember my most abiding memory from the Afro-Asia Cup 2007 (aside from Dhoni's century of Awesome and his even awesomer 200+ partnership with Jayawardene in one of the games) where they played two consecutive ODIs in Chennai in frickin' June was an overwhelming sympathy for the players as I sweated it out watching them sweat in the MAC and much sweating was had by all. I love you, Chennai, I really do, but I really kind of hate the weather.

See you in a couple of months, then. Farewell!

Surely you lie!

2009-04-02T07:02:00.000-07:00

Injured Dhoni unsure for third Test against New Zealand

Wellington (IANS): Uncertainty looms over injured India captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni's availability in the third and final cricket Test against New Zealand that begins at the Basin Reserve here on Friday.

Dhoni, who is having a sore back, skipped the second Test at Napier which ended in a draw. India lead the series 1-0, having won the first Test by 10 wickets.

The final decision on Dhoni will be taken before the start of the match.

"The back has improved. But I will have to see how I feel before the match," Dhoni said. "It is not like in One-dayers where one needs to keep the wickets for just 50 overs."

In case Dhoni fails to take the field, then vice-captain Virender Sehwag will once again don the captain's hat.

Dhoni said the team is capable of performing well in his absence.

"The team does not rely on me. Whether I play or not, it will not have much impact on the team," Dhoni said.

Ha ha, you see, MS, I know you're probably a bit confused about time zones right now, but April 1st was almost two days ago. So, yeah. Stop pulling at our legs, a'right?

All. Right?

I'd better see Dhoni sauntering out for the toss tomorrow. End of story.

Jedi Mind Tricks

2009-03-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

I usually don't muck around much with reading a lot of match previews, which could possibly be the only reason I managed to miss this gem:

"The day before the game, we'll practice, one good hard session, and we're ready for the game," Dhoni said. "Whatever suits the team."
Dhoni took it a step further. "Mentally we are right there. When it comes to the mind it depends on what you're feeding into the mind. The mind doesn't know if it's Napier or what you're feeding. You come and say 'this is Napier', and it believes it's Napier. If you see, it's an abstract. When people say 'he's in form', nobody has seen form. It's a state of mind where you are confident and you think very positively and everything you think about, you think it's very achievable. It's about how you treat the mind. One day here, one day there doesn't really make a difference. Preparation-wise, we are up to the mark."

Give the man a chocolate, he's talking philosophy. A couple dozen. Maybe a tonne. The whole frickin' chocolate factory.

Because, this? This is gold. And I'm not being sarcastic. Honest.

(Although the repeated use of 'abstract' to me indicates a bit of Kirstenisation and Uptonisation to Dhoni's theory.)

I love the way he explains it. It's interesting, and for an armchair geek like me, a welcome departure from the redundant cliches that seem to envelop the game like a shroud. Now that the Test hasn't (isn't) gone (at) all India's way, the whole thing's open to criticism, but one can't deny that it makes some sense. A lot of things are said to be "just in the mind" and Dhoni has always stressed on mental readiness and composure to be able to face the pressures of international cricket to go along with the actual cricket, because if you're good enough to get into the national team, you're pretty freakin good, but developing a frame of mind that's able to deal with a billion plus expectations, the pressures, the attention and the tribulations? That has to be learnt anew.

I'm just wondering if Dhoni ever tried it on himself re his injury. Wonder if he thought he could go out there, and tell his mind, "I'm perfectly fine, my back's feeling great, the sights and sounds of Ranchi are all around me, and oh look! There's my neighbour's son coming in to bowl as usual. Wonder when he dyed his hair blond."

OH that explains it all! Poor thing wasn't able to make the mantra work on the morning of the first day, it would seem.

DHONI'S MIND: I'm perfectly fine, my back...
DHONI'S BODY: Enough.
DHONI'S MIND: ... feeling gr-- Huh?
DHONI'S BODY: Enough.
DHONI'S MIND: Enough what, exactly?
DHONI'S BODY: Are we even connected anymore these days? Wake up, smell the coffee. It's cold, it's windy. That's a six foot blond New Zealander barelling in to get us out, and the back--
DHONI'S MIND: Bother me not with these trifles. I still have to ponder upon the Meaning of Life after this, you know.
DHONI'S BODY: ... suit yourself.
DHONI: ack! *spasm*

Yep, that's definitely what happened.

(Inspired by the decidedly funnier kroki-refur)

Now. Regarding the match itself? Finally a day where India get their butts into it, with Dravid and Gambhir and later Gambhir and Tendulkar digging and sprouting roots and growing leaves. Oh, and they batted a bit in between, too. I think Tendulkar did, anyway.

Four days in and we have not acted like one of the world's best Test sides. If the catching and fielding (Yuvraj + slip = DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT) let the team down after whittling NZ down to 23/3 in the first innings and allowed the Black Caps to post 619 (*gasp!*) on the board, the batting decided to complete the job and got bowled out for 305, after which the NZers ask us to follow on. Yes, quite a bitchslap to the face that must've been for a team that beat the same opposition like flicking a speck of dust out of its eye a week ago and was expected to do the same here. (mild irritation, but nothing at all harmful)

I cannot possibly comment on Sehwag's captaincy, not having seen the match live myself, but sending Ishant in as nightwatchman in the first innings? Not one of his brighter ideas.

Leaving aside Sehwag getting out early (again) the Indians are chugging along okay enough in the follow-on innings, with Gambhir reaching his first overseas Test century off 260-odd balls, at a strike rate in the mid-30s. If you thought that was slow, I took a look at Dravid's strike rate: 28. Yeowch. Still, it's all for the team, right? Incredibly important innings, if and when we go on to draw this.

The NZers have done great, they really have. The batting rode on terrific innings from Ryder and Taylor to post 600+, and the bowlers have been disciplined, tireless and for the first time in a long time, backed up by a truckload of runs from their batsmen.

Tomorrow could be an interesting day. India still trail by 62 runs, 8 wickets in hand, Gambhir and Tendulkar looking comfortable (enough) at the crease, all this points to a draw, but who knows? A collapse, a tiny target-chase, an innings defeat, even?

Also? I kinda whooped and cheered when Dinesh Kaarthick got out for single-figures in the first innings. Does that make me a bad person?

This is TRAGEDY.

2009-03-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

Uhm.

No, it's not New Zealand recovering from a delicious 23/3 to post 351/4 at almost 4 an over at the end of the day.

It's not Jesse Ryder scoring another century.

It's not Mr. Twenty20 (although that might be a slightly unfair nickname) Ross Taylor smashing 151 golden runs.

It's not the Indian bowlers and fielders unable to push on after smashing the New Zealand top-order like a coconut at the stone feet of the Supreme Diety for Early Wickets.

No.

It's Dhoni, injured, being unable to play this game.

This is what I call supremely tragic.

What made it all the more painful was how unexpected it was. Nobody outside the team management had any inkling at all that Dhoni had injured his back. Nosir. Not in the slightest.

So, this morning, I woke at 3, right? Annoyed my fellow hostelites, but assured them I was only going to study (which was partly true, anyway) and flipped open my laptop, coffee brewing on the table. At 3:30, I accessed cricinfo, which informed me brightly: "Dhoni out, NZ elect to bat."

WHAT.

I went on to discover that Dhoni was indeed out of the Test match with a bad back (and he even had to have an MRI taken, good lord) and that Sehwag was captaining in his place, and that his wicketkeeping slot was to be usurped, ahem, I mean, taken care of until his return by Dinesh Kaarthick (whom I still dislike, by the way.)

I gazed at the screen numbly, mouth slightly gaping, sipping every now and then from a mug full of the most tasteless coffee I'd ever had, going down like liquid ashes down my throat. Watched the commentary as Zaks and Ishi made a bright start, prying out McIntosh, How and Guptill in quick succession, and yet I couldn't find it in myself to celebrate. One reason was, of course, the shock, and number two, the real New Zealand batting order started only from number 5 (which is quite a clever ploy actually. Have the opposition preening over getting the 'top order' out quickly while the real batsmen make merry).

Jesse Ryder joined Ross Taylor, after which a succession of big black FOURs started coming up on screen, with no sight of an OUT, so I finally snapped out of my daze and shut my laptop down and got back on with my life.

I'm actually rather ashamed that my attachment to one player can throw me off an entire game, but that's the honest truth. I don't feel like I want to follow this match anymore. It's terrible of me, and really, I don't deserve to call myself a cricket fangirl.

Anyhow, great stuff from the NZers - a wonderful comeback after they'd been written off completely by all and sundry. All those over-the-top articles and speculation about how obvious it is that India is going to steamroller X, Y or Z team makes me queasy because it almost always results in something like this. Still, four days to go, you know? Let's see what happens.

Until then: Dhoni, rest up, get better, COME BACK.

The Agony and the Ecstasy

2009-03-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

The last one week has been replete with epiphanies.

Most of them are of a personal sort, and all of them seem to have led me round an expansive and emotionally difficult circle and eventually I find myself exactly where I started. It’s not such a bad thing, though, and I hope I’m wiser after all that’s happened.

The one epiphany that’s relevant here happened last Sunday, as I was reading the literature on the web regarding the series win in New Zealand. It struck me suddenly just how much cricket was out there, just how much the game had been consuming precious hours of my life, and how difficult it was balancing being a medical student (which, hello, is pretty damn tough) and a cricket fan, not to mention various other social and familial commitments. An inexplicable panic started crawling up the back of my throat like some sort of insect, and I decided enough was enough.

So I tried a little experiment. I locked up my laptop at home and boldly went back to college, no TV for miles around. I knew I was missing the final ODI. I knew I was missing the first Test. I knew I had been waiting and waiting to follow this Test series, but I had to be strong, right? Priorities, priorities.

The first couple of days weren’t so bad. I still had the occasional mobile phone update, and am actually kind of glad I missed the final ODI, for obvious reasons. I still remember asking a friend in class for the score update that day, and this was how the conversation went:

ME: Score, score, score please!

FRIEND: (raising an eyebrow) Um, pardon me?

ME: (waving a futile hand in the air) Today! ODI! New Zealand! Score!

F: Oooooh. Gimme a second.

(checks on mobile phone and looks up and smiles)

F: 115 for 7.

ME: Uh... New Zealand, right?

F: (checks) Uh, no, actually. It’s India.

ME: (laughing) No, no, that’s impossible. Check that little space before the score. I’m sure it says N-Z, not I-N-D.

F: (starting to get annoyed) M--, it’s India batting. Rohit Sharma. Zaheer Khan. Partnership. LOOK.

(proceeds to thrust mobile phone screen at my face, where the letters IND 115/7 gleam
mockingly in all their digital glory)

ME: Stupid freakin’ – how in the world – what’s wrong – demonic possession – alien invasion – (fades away into incoherent muttering which may – or may not – have contained a string of profanity toward the Indian team)

But I didn’t really care about the result, which didn’t really mean anything, aside from a slightly disturbing tendency for the team to get off the boiler once the series has been won. That ain’t the stuff of truly dominating World Champions.

But the Test?

Seven different kinds of agony.

I was rather looking forward to watching this particular series, to the truly unique experience of waking up at 2:30 in the morning to watch Test cricket, tiptoeing around sleeping family members, settling down in front of the TV, blinking sleep desperately out of my eyes, smelling of mosquito-repellent cream, sipping from a mug of hot coffee in my hands. This time around, though, it was only the mobile phone updates, and the digital scores against the glowing background didn’t tell me anything. How many catches did Dhoni drop? (Only one, as I found out later. Keep at it, Mahi!) How did each four of Tendulkar’s look like? Was Dravid getting back into groove? Had somebody managed brainwash Laxman into thinking he was playing against Australia? (tough one, I know). Had the bowlers gotten their act together, or were they lucky? How was the pitch playing? Easy, or was it just the brilliance of the batsmen? How was the catching?

I knew none of the answers. To my horror, it was killing me.

So I took my first opportunity to get back home, and immediately lurched toward the laptop and the TV and was generally pleased with what I saw/read.

Sachin Tendulkar was awesome, as per usual.

Dravid... um. I’ll just shut up now. Dude, retire whenever you want to.

Schizophrenic!Munaf managed to put in a good performance, and Bhajji!! Dude, 6-63? Come on! :D

Dhoni continued to chip in with his batting, and his keeping seemed tidy for the most part. (Ha ha, go ahead and laugh at my conceit, I know I am.)

There were a couple of annoying lower-order partnerships that were allowed to build in the NZ innings, and as much as I adore Dan Vettori and the Brendon of McCullum, I’ve got to say: guys, seriously?

I am not going to make the mistake of leaving behind all this again. ‘Cause, seriously? Not worth it. What’s life if not a constant balancing act anyway?

So – 1 up in the series, with 2 Tests to go. Judging by the way they played this match, one would think anything less than a 2-0, maybe even a 3-0 win would be sacrilege, but let’s see. ‘Sides, India has never handled being overwhelming favourites well, and it’s all for India to lose from here.

Speaking of New Zealand, the Women’s World Cup concluded recently, with England winning their final against New Zealand. These two were easily the two strongest teams of the tournament, and a hearty congratulations to all of the women who were part of the final. Also, India managed to beat Australia (second time this tournament, ha!) for the third place. Which, considering that last year when the Indian women toured Australia, Karen Rolston and co. wiped the floor with them? Is pretty sweet.

...

... Oof. I need to apply for some sort of rehabilitation. Suggestions, anyone?

Addendum of EPIC DOOM: It’s happened.

The IPL cannot be held in India this year.

What the hell, people. What. The. Hell.

My immediate reaction was if the IPL can’t be held in India, then leave it. Cancel it. Holding it in another country? Hello, desperation! The primary lure of the IPL for me and so many people I know was the joy of crowding up the stadiums and the TV rooms and watch international cricket stars play some exhilarating Twenty20. For us. (In a way, you know, okay??)

If it has to be relocated, then the obvious choice would be South Africa.

But --- damn. This sucks, just so damn much.

Sweetest form of carnage

2009-03-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Men in Blue,

Congratulations on the series win. Also? This time might actually be one of the few times I've thoroughly enjoyed being proved wrong. Although the Men in White might prove to be a different proposition, so. you know.

And, God help me, I'm getting used to the new colour.

Yours in confused congratulation,
M.

Dear Peter McGlashan,

Forget the Pathans and the Husseys and the McCullums, you and your sister are the coolest pair of siblings in international cricket. 'Nuff said.

Yours in enthusiasm,
M.

Dear Indian bowlers,

Please to be getting your backs into it. At least, you know, in the Tests - where you know, batting's not always going to be around to save the day.

And also, Ishant? Please to be watching where you land that front foot of yours.

Munaf? The pitch is 22 yards. Not 25.

Yours in some concern,
M.

Dear Dhoni,

You know that thing aside from captaincy and batting that you are pencilled into the team for? Yeah, that one. The one that's been steadily deteriorating over the past six months.

Please to be regaining the pretty skills with the gloves. The team can't afford you not to.

Yours in rare admonishment,
M.

Dear Daniel Vettori,

You may be the coolest New Zealander I know (and I know a surprising number of New Zealanders), but the Indian batsmen are now riding a whole new different level of Cool. It might be a whole new world of Cool. A different parallel universe of Cool. An astral plane of...

Now I forgot what I really wanted to say.

Yours in supposed sympathy,
M.

Dear Sehwag,

Please to be continuing with your awesomeness. Anything else I can say only cheapens the joy of watching you tear the opposition attack to pieces, chew them, spit them on the sidewalk and then grind them into the cement with steel-tipped boots for good measure.

Yours in speechless awe,
M.

Dear VirunGauti,

You are not an opening pair anymore, you are a phenomenon. Please to be occuring more often.

Yours in exhilarating anticipation,
M.

Dear Mithali Raj,

To have scored 75* in a team total of 137/7 in a World Cup game - which the team went on to win by 35 runs, by the way - makes you about seven and a half different kinds of awesome. Please to be continuing lifting the India Women's batting.

Yours in deep appreciation,
M.

Dear Person who's managed to read this far,

Thank you for bearing with this drivel.

Yours in deep, deep gratitude,
M.

Here's to an ODI whitewash and a Test series win in Downer Under!

Don't sit on them, South Africa

2009-03-10T05:33:00.001-07:00

'Cos, those laurels? Are pretty damn fragile. You know, all the leaves and whatever.

Just heard that Australia defeated South Africa to take an unassailable lead in the Test series. In South Africa. This, people, be a comeback of monumental proportions. Just two months ago, having suffered abject humiliation at the hands of the Saffers in their own backyard, a slew of retirements, losses, Boneheaded selection and equally Boneheaded captaincy, the Aussies looked to be in ultimate Decline. Hell, they even struggled to defeat New Zealand at home a month ago.

Now, though?

Now?

This Hughes dude is scoring two Test centuries in only his second Test, Mitchell Johnson is making the South African batsman quake in their boots, and the entire Australian team with its much-maligned captain, 'out-of-form' stars, posse of greenhorned debutants, is making the so-much-more fancied South Africans pay.

This be Epic, people. While I have never actually thought that Aussies couldn't bounce back to a semblance of their old selves, I never even imagined that it would be this soon, and against South Africa, the very team that not so long ago was responsible for brutally stripping away the Aussie Aura of Invincibility that the Indians had already started to peel away. Poetic justice, even.

Congratulations, Ricky Ponting, to you and your mates. I would so place that laurel on your head right now, but it seems to be have been crushed by quite a few South African rears. Oh well, I'm sure you'll be just as happy with the shiny mace that the ICC wants to give you.

I've not wanted to be a lot of things in my life, and right now, a South African cricket fan is one of them.